


There's Beautiful And Then There's You

by ThanhXuan



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-11-17 16:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 49,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18102656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThanhXuan/pseuds/ThanhXuan
Summary: Donghae is partnered up with Hyukjae for a school project. He doesn't like anything about this situation.Until he actually does.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! here's another fic, at last! i've been working on this one for ages, literally since may 2018, and i actually planned on posting sometime in january? but somehow the plot got out of hand and started to have a mind of its own, so here we are, in march 2019, with almost 50k and 112 word pages of fic, lmao.
> 
> this fic is actually already completed! however i'm going to post a chapter per week so that i can raise kudos and comments, yes i am literally that girl , i just want some love, alright? please and thank you hehehe ❤ c: but anyway i really, really enjoyed writing this story!! this might be one of my favorite fics yet! actually no thats a lie, i can't pick a favorite, all of my fics are my babies, cries ;; pls tell me what you think!! i really hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing! lots of love c: xx
> 
>  
> 
> this fic is for belinda, em and munia, who've been pushing me to write this fic since literally may 2018, who beta-ed me and who listened to me complain through the whole process. i would never have made it without you guys, thanks so much, i love you!

It’s not that Donghae dislikes Hyukjae. It’s just that he doesn’t particularly… _like_ him, either. There’s something a little strange about him, is all. For some reason, he always stands as straight as a rod, all prim and haughty and aristocrat-like, and he sometimes speaks as if modern language didn’t evolve past the 20th century. Donghae would probably find it funny, maybe even tease him a bit, if Hyukjae wasn’t also the most obnoxious, annoying, stuck-up person he’s ever met. He wears a perpetual scowl on his face, as if he cannot possibly understand why he has to _mingle_ with them peasants, and he speaks sarcasm more fluently than Donghae ever hopes to speak Korean.

Donghae’s not like that. He’s open and friendly and easy going. He likes people, and he likes to talk and hang out with people. It’s hard for him to stay in one place, especially if there isn’t a crowd to keep him grounded. Otherwise it’s too easy to get lost and drown in his own thoughts.

In so many ways Hyukjae is the complete opposite of Donghae. He’s the kind of person that Donghae would have a hard time talking to, even though it usually comes so easily to him, almost like a second nature. Donghae isn’t even sure that they have any sort of common ground on which they can hope to build some kind of almost-friendship.

So, no. Donghae doesn’t particularly enjoy Hyukjae’s company. But it’s not like he really has a choice, is it? They were partnered together for a mini-thesis project in economics class, and Donghae kind of wants to shoot himself in the head just thinking about it. It’ll take _ages_ to finish, between writing up the report and preparing the presentation. Donghae can handle Hyukjae in small doses—as in, from afar and only thrice a week in class—and even then, it requires a lot of eye-rolling and exasperated snorts. But now they’ll have to meet up _all the time_ to work on the project, and, _ugh_.

 

“Are you _listening_ to me?” Hyukjae demands then. He looks down sternly at Donghae and puffs his chest up in clear outrage. “It’s highly important, you know.”

 

“Uh, sure,” Donghae mumbles. He rolls his eyes, then folds his arms on the table and rests his chin on them. Hyukjae eyes him suspiciously, clearly not believing him, but then sniffs and launches into another speech about something-really-important-indeed.

 

They’re sitting at a secluded table in the library. Supposedly they’re here to discuss the economics project, but so far, Hyukjae has been actively monopolizing the conversation. It’s incredible how much this guy likes the sound of his own voice, Donghae thinks, annoyed. He decides to ignore most of the information that Hyukjae flings at him in a steady flow of sharp words, and instead stares vaguely at a random point near his shoulder.

 

Some forty-five minutes later, Hyukjae finally stops. He nods in satisfaction and declares grandly, “then it is settled; we shall meet next Friday to discuss the specifics.”

 

Donghae blinks up at him, confused. He lost track of Hyukjae’s unending monologue somewhere between his scathing criticism towards Donghae’s illegible writing and at his messy notes. Something tells him that he missed an important chunk of information, but he’s too fed-up to care. “Uh, yes. Yes, we shall.”

Unwilling to stay even a second longer, Donghae takes his things and runs out of the library as fast as humanly possible.

 

*

 

Donghae doesn’t have to see Hyukjae for the rest of the week, so he settles on complaining about him to his friends. They’re not particularly interested in the reason of his despair but still look suitably sympathetic about it, so he supposes it’s okay. He goes on about it for a long, long time, all too aware that he’s whining and scowling like a five-year-old child.

 

“Hmm,” Heechul says again, five minutes after Donghae stopped talking, clearly distracted by his phone. “Poor Donghae indeed…”

 

Siwon smiles as he looks up from his book, amused. He gives Donghae a sheepish look and straightens up slightly in his seat. “On the bright side,” he says optimistically, “if it’s the same Lee Hyukjae that I’m thinking about, you’re almost sure to get a good grade. Good brains, that one.”

 

Feeling a bit stupid now that he’s finished ranting, Donghae glances at him and then glowers down at his lap. “You know him? How do you _know_ him,” he grumbles sullenly.

 

“I’ve seen him around,” Siwon shrugs. And then adds, as if it explains everything, “I think he’s hoping to get a doctoral contract next year.”

 

That’s very nice and everything, Donghae thinks unhappily, _but_ _how do you know that?_ Suddenly feeling irrationally mad about the whole thing, Donghae snatches Siwon’s boring book out of his hands and throws it to the other side of the room. He ignores his friend’s indignant “hey!” and, stubbornly folding his arms on his chest, sulks.

 

*

 

Hyukjae corners Donghae as he’s about to walk out of his macroeconomics lecture. An impatient scowl is pulling his eyebrows down into a frown as he draws himself up importantly. Donghae suspects that he’s trying to look all tough and intimidating, and it’s a little hilarious, isn’t it, because Hyukjae’s so thin compared to him that he could probably throw him over his shoulder. Exasperated, he rolls his eyes.

Hyukjae stands only at a couple of feet in front of Donghae, almost invading his personal space with his prickliness. He’s struggling to hold onto three huge books between his skinny arms, which doesn’t stop him from almost stepping onto his toes. Now that he’s so close, Donghae accidentally breathes him in; Hyukjae smells fresh and lemony and lightly sweet. Donghae blinks, pleasantly surprised—until he remembers that it’s _Hyukjae_. He grimaces and takes a step back. Eyeing Hyukjae’s books, he vaguely wonders if he’s supposed to help.

 

“Uh,” Donghae starts, but Hyukjae’s scowl turns into a sharp look and he decides to shut up.

 

He eyes Hyukjae’s precarious, unsteady load with interest now. A childish part of him fueled by his annoyance at Hyukjae’s rudeness dearly hopes that the books will fall, and he has no intention to help whatsoever anymore.

 

“I’ve been waiting for you,” Hyukjae informs Donghae. “You’re very slow.”

 

“I was in _class_ ,” Donghae retorts, stung. Isn’t it usually the polite thing to do to start a conversation with a simple _hello_?

 

Hyukjae sniffs disdainfully, muttering under his breath about ‘ _macroeconomics_ ’ and ‘ _useless course_ ’ and ‘ _ugh_ ’. “Yes, well,” he then says louder—which doesn’t make _any sense at all_ —and shoves his books into Donghae’s arms.

 

Donghae takes them with a surprised “oof”, almost falling over.

 

“Here,” Hyukjae instructs, as if he didn’t potentially threaten Donghae’s life. “You should read those, so we can start putting up the structure of our mini-thesis project as soon as possible.”

 

Donghae blinks, lost. “Uh,” he says again. He glances down at his newly acquired books, and reads _Economic analysis of elections_ , _Leftist or Rightist: Political paths of Korean municipalities from 1990 to 2015_ , and _Electoral victory cannot be decreed_. “Did you actually buy them?” Donghae wonders. And then, alarmed, “wait, hold on—political economy? I didn’t think that we’d already decided on a topic?”

 

“Yes, we did,” Hyukjae stares at him as if he’s stupid. “I mentioned it last time during our discussion and you made an ‘ _uh-uh_ ’ sound”—he affects a bored, vaguely goofy expression to imitate Donghae, and he’s pretty sure that he’s exaggerating, probably—“so I assumed that we agreed on it.”

 

“I wasn’t _listening_ ,” Donghae exclaims, incredulous. He flushes under Hyukjae’s accusatory look when he realizes what he just said. “In my defense,” he snaps, “you talk _a lot_. Look, I’m sorry but I wasn’t really paying attention, and anyway I’m pretty sure I would’ve realized if I’d actually agreed on something. You can’t just choose a topic without asking me first. What if I don’t even like political economy?”

 

Hyukjae stubbornly folds his arms on his chest. “I looked at your notes and I just assumed that it was what would interest you the most, is all. There’s a lot of holes in your notes, did you know? And you _obviously_ don’t understand dynamics games in imperfect competition.” He shakes his head, apparently appalled by Donghae’s inability to understand what he probably thinks is basic public economics.

 

Which, Donghae would like to point out, are actually pretty damn hard to understand. _Thank you very much._

 

“But the part on political economy was actually pretty good,” Hyukjae continues, “so I thought it meant that you’d like it the best.”

 

“Yeah, but.” Donghae pauses, confused and annoyed and frustrated all at once. He can’t really deny that—he really does love political economy, and publics economics are a _nightmare_ —, but he just can’t understand why Hyukjae has to be so _him_ about it. It’s a _group_ project, for fuck’s sake, not an I-lead-and-you-follow kind of thing. “Look,” he grits through his teeth, “we really should talk about it first.”

 

“I do not see what the problem _is_ , though,” Hyukjae frowns. He looks genuinely confused and Donghae sort of wants to strangle him. “Anyway, I already started reading some materials on the topic that I bought, so it’s a bit late to change now and we’ll be terribly late on schedule if we don’t hurry up. I have other projects to work on, you know.”

For a moment, Hyukjae’s scowl slips away and he just looks like a harried and stressed out Master’s degree student. Then he gives Donghae a narrow-eyed look, as if it’s all his fault that he’s in this mess, before whirling around and walking off primly.

 

Donghae gapes at him. He just stays there, so stunned and pissed off that he can’t properly react before Hyukjae’s too far to care. The books that he’s holding are starting to make his arms feel sore.

 

“You’re in the way, you know,” someone says behind him. Kyuhyun pushes him gently to the side so that he can comfortably walk out of the macroeconomics lecture hall. Honestly, Donghae doesn’t even know why he even comes here at all; he doesn’t actually take the course and all he does in class is play video games.

Before he can point that out though, Kyuhyun peers over his shoulder and watches Hyukjae’s retreating back disappear at a corner. He glances at Donghae curiously. “Were you talking with Hyukjae?”

 

Annoyance whipping back at him abruptly, Donghae snaps his head around to glare at Kyuhyun. “Wait, do you _know_ him?” he demands hotly.

 

Kyuhyun shrugs. “Yeah, kind of. I’ve talked to him a couple of times.”

 

“Well then _maybe_ you can reason with him!” Donghae snaps furiously. “ _Ugh_!”

 

Donghae whirls around and storms off.

 

*

 

Donghae slams his soda down onto the cafeteria table. A bit of coke sloshes over and drips onto his hand. “And then,” he exclaims hotly, “ _then_ he said—”

 

“You know,” Heechul cuts Donghae off before he can explain exactly what it is that Hyukjae said. “When I said, ‘how are you today’, I didn’t actually mean ‘please tell me in exact detail about your crappy morning so that we can in turn share your pain and have a crappy lunch as well’. I was just being polite.”

 

Donghae glares fiercely at his friend, and then slams his soda onto the table again for good measure. His hand starts to feel a little sticky but he ignores it, instead focusing on the crucial matter at hand.

He _did_ have a very crappy morning, thanks ever so much. In fact, he’s pretty sure that today is going to be _awful_ from the start to the very end. On top of successfully annoying him with his ‘ _I chose the topic all by myself_ ’ and his ‘ _obviously I know that you’ll like political economy since I’m so very damn smart and I just know’_ and his ‘ _wow, you suck so much at dynamics games in imperfect competition_ ’, Hyukjae also made Donghae late for his next lecture, which landed him with a sharp reprimand and an additional assignment for next week.

Well, that last one isn’t really Hyukjae’s fault. Or at least not directly. But still, Donghae thinks stubbornly. If it wasn’t for _him_ , then he wouldn’t be in such a terrible mood, and Kyuhyun wouldn’t be staring at him as if he was completely insane.

 

“Maybe you should clean your hand before it turns into a sugar-coated candy,” Siwon comments mildly and hands him a napkin.

 

Donghae accepts it with little grace. His hand did feel very sticky. “He’s so _annoying_ ,” he says explosively. “How can someone be so annoying?”

 

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” Kyuhyun raises a dubious eyebrow at him. “I mean, surely he’s not _that_ bad. Hyukjae’s a bit intense, yeah, but I really don’t think that he’s actively trying to ruin your life or anything, you know.”

 

“Know him that well, do you?” Donghae snaps. If he’s honest, he still feels a little annoyed that two out of his three closest friends know Hyukjae and seem to appreciate him well enough. They’re supposed to be _his_ friends, on _his_ side.

 

Kyuhyun shrugs, looking bored. “Not really. I’m just saying.”

 

“Hold on,” Heechul pipes up then. He looks deep in thought, frowning and squinting at something in the distance. “When you say Hyukjae, do you mean _that_ Hyukjae, over there?” He jerks his chin towards the other end of the cafeteria, near the windows. His face clears in recognition. “Lee Hyukjae, right?”

 

Sure enough, Hyukjae is sitting down at an empty table with a homemade lunchbox and a pack of chocolate milk. There’s a well-thumbed book open in front of him, held upright by one of his hands as he eats clumsily with the other. Sunlight is shining through the windows and onto the side of his face, highlighting his sharp features attractively. Instead of the irritated frown that he so often wears on his face, he looks content and peaceful as he keeps reading. His dark hair falls softly around his face, and just for one second, Donghae finds him kind of beautiful.

Hold on, _what_.

Donghae scowls, horrified at himself, because ugh, _no_.

 

“Do you _know_ him?!” Donghae demands as he whips around to glare at Heechul. He feels like he’s asked this question way too many times today. Probably as many times as the number of betrayers hiding among his friends, he thinks bitterly. “Do you guys _all_ know him?”

 

“Well yeah,” Heechul starts, but Donghae isn’t listening anymore.

 

Hyukjae looks up from his book when Boa—a friend from the finance course that Donghae likes to hang out with at parties—pats him on the shoulder. She smiles at Hyukjae, earning a confused frown as if he doesn’t quite understand why she’s talking to him.

Donghae rolls his eyes at that. He probably thinks that she isn’t deserving of his precious time, the asshole.

They exchange a few words that seem friendly enough. Boa bursts out in laughter then, and Hyukjae scowls at her, looking very much outraged at her amusement. He snaps something back at her that’s probably very scathing and very sarcastic, but it only makes her laugh harder. She reaches out to ruffle Hyukjae’s hair.

Donghae and Hyukjae gasps in unison—Donghae, out of fear for her life; and Hyukjae, out of indignation.

Hyukjae swats a hand at Boa, practically growling at her. She giggles and then waves him goodbye, just as he huffs at her and grumbles under his breath. His hair is all over the place and he’s flushed pink, frowning unhappily—but then the corners of his lips tick up briefly, and Donghae suspects that he secretly enjoys her attention.

Donghae scowls. Even Boa seems to know Hyukjae, for fuck’s sake. Does she _like_ him, too?

Hyukjae is still fussing absentmindedly over his hair. He’s checking in the reflection of his phone screen as he pats himself carefully, and when he’s made sure that it’s perfect again, he nods in satisfaction. Just as he’s about to go back to his book and his lunch, their eyes meet across the cafeteria.

Donghae freezes in his seat like a deer caught in headlights. “Shit,” he mutters under his breath. There’s nowhere to hide and Hyukjae’s sharp brown eyes have him pinned to his seat.

Hyukjae narrows his eyes at him suspiciously. He stares for a long minute, as if trying to figure out if Donghae means trouble or is just being silly as usual. When Donghae only stares back, clutching on his soda for dear life, Hyukjae draws himself up importantly and raises his nose high up in the air in clear defiance. Donghae can almost hear him exclaim “humph!” all the way from across the cafeteria. Then, with a last suspicious look, Hyukjae hides behind his book and clearly dismisses this whole exchange.

For some reason that he can’t explain, Donghae feels a bit dizzy.


	2. Chapter 2

Donghae can’t hold his liquor. His friends think that it’s the most hilarious thing as it usually provides great entertainment at parties. Just a couple of beers in his system is enough for Donghae’s senses to go out of the window; by his third drink, he’ll already be too far gone to care about the rest. He’ll shout and cry and laugh, depending on his mood, and dance on tables and hug anybody who’s willing. Sometimes, he even fake-swims in the middle of the road in only his pants, according to Kyuhyun who’s always breathless from laughter when he tells the story.

But at the end of the day—or the night, whatever—, all that Donghae ends up with is headaches and regrets. So yeah, usually he tries to avoid it.

Today is Saturday, which means Saturday party, which means that Donghae has to watch his intake of alcohol if he doesn’t want to feel awful for the rest of the weekend. His friends have no such concerns and are already on their good way to get completely wasted. Donghae doesn’t really feel like waking up with a raging hangover the next morning, so he wanders to a quieter spot at the periphery of the core of the party.

Sure enough, Boa is already there. She’s always been a reasonable drinker and he likes that about her. Donghae joins her and sits down next to her on a worn-out couch.

 

“Hi,” Boa greets him with a pretty grin.

 

Donghae smiles back at her, clinking his cup against hers in a mock toast, and she laughs and rolls her eyes playfully. As their shoulders brush together, he vaguely entertains the idea of kissing her at some point tonight. He always feels horny when he’s tipsy and he thinks that she wouldn’t really mind, either.

There’s always been _something_ going on between them. Not really a dating thing, but rather a “we’re both single and tipsy, I’m nice and decent-looking, you’re great and awfully pretty, so maybe we should _hang out_ , _wink-wink_ ” thing. They did have a go at a relationship a couple of years ago, after that party when they first met, but figured in the end that they were better off as friends with occasional benefits.

If he’s entirely honest, Donghae isn’t really satisfied with this arrangement. He likes people and he likes to hang out with people, sure, but he also wishes that he could _love_ someone. There hasn’t been anyone since maybe his first year of university, which was _ages_ ago. Now he’s about to graduate from his Master’s degree and he’s feeling awfully lonely. He just wants someone by his side—someone who’d challenge him every day, someone who’d hold his hand and make him smile and know all about him, someone he’d be eager to come home to.

Someone not like Hyukjae then, his mind supplies innocently. Donghae wants to retort, _why would you bring_ him _up now?!_ He’s having a perfectly good time, there’s no need to ruin it.

But, as he looks at the crowd of people gathered for the party, and then at Boa and her pretty smile, he thinks maybe this is not where he’s going to find his someone.

Donghae sighs. Next to him, Boa gives him a curious look.

 

“Oh, uh.” He clears his throat. Smiles at her. “Hi. How are you?”

 

They chat for a little while, relaxing into the couch and ignoring the racket their friends are making. Soon Donghae finishes his second cup of beer. He sternly tells himself to stop there, especially if he doesn’t want to regret it tomorrow, and he’s feeling tipsy enough to believe it’d be a good idea to kiss Boa right about now. She’s not his someone, that’s for sure—but she’s good in bed, and she’s never complained about him, and he feels like having a good fuck, so why not?

Boa looks like she’s waiting for it, too, if her hand lightly travelling from his shoulder and down to his elbow, and then up again, is of any indication. It turns Donghae on so good that he starts thinking exclusively with his dick instead of his brain. He smiles at her, slow and lazy, and leans his head closer to her. She smells good. Too sweet to his liking, but that’s okay.

But then, as they scoot a little closer to each other, their conversation takes an unexpected turn towards _Hyukjae_ , out of all things.

Donghae startles a little, as if he’s just been slapped awake from a daydream.

 

“Uh, what,” he repeats. His mind clears up just enough that he’s able to focus properly again.

 

“I meant Hyukjae,” Boa repeats, amused. Her hand is on his thigh now and his cock twitches in interest inside his pants. “You asked how I knew him. We worked together on a presentation last semester. He’s really nice.”

 

“Nice,” he scoffs. “That’s an interesting word for it. _I_ am nice—but that guy, he’s an _asshole_.”

 

Boa laughs a little. “Don’t be mean,” she scolds him lightly, and then tentatively kisses the corner of his mouth. “You’re right though; you’re _very_ nice.”

 

But Donghae doesn’t feel like it anymore. He hums noncommittedly under his breath and shifts away from her, which earns him a surprised and curious look from Boa. Mumbling something about getting another drink, he walks off unsteadily in the general direction of the bar.

His mind is suddenly filled with _Hyukjae, Hyukjae, Hyukjae_ , and it’s so annoying, and he just wants it to _stop_. Donghae groans, as he remembers Hyukjae’s scowl and the way that he flushed in the cafeteria and his fresh, lemony smell. _Hyukjae, Hyukjae, Hyukjae_ , his brain keeps saying. _Hyukjae_.

Hoping to shut up the vicious voices in his head, Donghae gets a third beer. And then a fourth. And a fifth, and a sixth, and a seventh.

 

*

 

Donghae’s head pounds painfully from a raging hangover for the rest of the weekend, and he regrets it so very much.

 

*

 

On Monday, Donghae is still suffering the consequences of his mistakes. A mild but ever-present headache keeps thumping uncomfortably in his temples, like a constant reminder of every bad decision that he made on Saturday night. Only his pride holds him back from going back home to have a manly cry. Donghae is a strong, healthy young man and he refuses to be defeated by a harmless two-day-old hangover.

Or at least that’s what Donghae tries to convince himself. Groaning softly, he carefully rests his forehead onto the cool surface of his desk and prays for mercy. His open laptop barely hides him from the watchful gaze of the lecturer but he can’t bring himself to care. This is probably what death feels like, he thinks gloomily. Headache-y, too loud, and vaguely nauseous.

 

Next to him, Kyuhyun rolls his eyes. He seems clearly unimpressed by Donghae’s misery. “You’re being very dramatic,” Kyuhyun comments lowly. “And pathetic.”

 

Unlike Donghae, he’s taking diligent notes of the lecture, and unlike Donghae, he looks very much fine. Donghae hates him a little. The bastard took twice as many drinks as he did and yet he looks as fresh as a fucking flower. Life is so _unfair_.

 

“Shut up,” Donghae retorts halfheartedly.

 

“It’s probably old age catching up with you,” Kyuhyun says wisely. “You’re getting too old to get so drunk.”

 

Donghae moans unhappily. “Please stop saying that I’m old.”

 

“Sure, old man,” Kyuhyun snickers.

 

It feels like an eternity before the lecture finally ends. Donghae briefly wonders why he even bothered to come; he has literally no idea what has been said for the best of the past two hours. He knows that he’s definitely going to regret it later, especially when he’ll have to revise, and the thought makes him groan in horror. Deciding that he’ll worry about it when the appropriate time comes, he gathers his things and walks out of the room. He has a free period before lunch and has every intention of using that time wisely.

But just as Donghae’s about to head off home, someone grabs him by the elbow. He stumbles, disoriented. A whiff of a fresh, lemony smell then brushes past his nose as he’s pulled to a stop. It clears up his mind a little, calming down the uncomfortable nausea in his stomach and prompting him to blink confusedly.

 

“Uh,” Donghae starts as he turns his head around—

 

—only to meet Hyukjae’s impatient scowl.

Donghae winces back instinctively. There’s no way that he’ll be able to handle Hyukjae and his prickliness today, with the way that his whole body seems to want to melt through the floor. But he can also tell from past experiences that arguing with Hyukjae would only bring him more pain rather than relief.

Donghae really doesn’t know what’s worse—dealing with Hyukjae and getting a headache from it, or fighting with Hyukjae and getting a headache from it?

 

“We should meet up,” Hyukjae declares firmly.

 

Donghae sighs in defeat. Maybe Hyukjae will monopolize the whole conversation again and he won’t actually have to do anything else but be there.

 

“Did you have time to read the material that I lent you last time?” Hyukjae asks.

 

“Uh,” Donghae says again. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to explain that he was too busy trying not to die over the weekend to do anything remotely productive. “Kind of?”

 

Hyukjae nods in satisfaction. His fingers are still wrapped around Donghae’s arms and the latter suspects that he forgot about it. “Good, then. Let’s meet in the library to talk about it.” He pauses, and then tilts his head to the side as he peers at Donghae curiously. “You look _terrible_ , by the way.”

 

“Wow, thanks,” Donghae snaps, stung. “I just had a rough evening on Saturday because of that party. No need to rub it in my face.”

 

“ _Saturday_?” Hyukjae gasps. His eyes widen dramatically and he stares at Donghae as if he’s never seen something quite like him before. His hold on Donghae’s elbow tightens briefly. “That was _two days ago_ , you know! Surely you’re not still hungover!”

 

“I’m just tired!” Donghae exclaims defensively. There’s really no need to look so shocked.

 

Hyukjae finally lets go of Donghae’s arm, fresh lemony smell fading away with him. “Hmm,” he utters but sounds deeply skeptical. “If you say so. Anyway, I will see you in the library in fifteen minutes.”

 

Embarrassed, Donghae scowls and folds his arms on his chest. He has the nagging feeling that Hyukjae is pushing him around, and most importantly, that it’s not the first time—and that’s just not _on_. “No,” he says petulantly. “We’ll go to the patio.”

 

Hyukjae raises a doubtful eyebrow. “It’s _loud_ in the patio though,” he points out. “In your condition, I do not think it is advisable.”

 

“The patio,” Donghae repeats, only half-aware that he sounds childish and stubborn.

 

“Ugh.” Hyukjae rolls his eyes, looking very exasperated, and throws his arms in the air dramatically. “ _Fine_. The patio. Whatever.”

 

Donghae watches Hyukjae stomp away with a satisfied grin. It’s only a small victory, he knows, but he’ll take it.

 

*

 

The patio is basically a library without all the bookshelves and the thou-shalt-not-make-any-noise rule. It’s spacious and bright, especially in summer and spring, and there are several vending machines for hungry students. It also has nice sofas, good Wi-Fi and multiple outlets for laptops, which is all that Donghae can ask for. This is where he usually prefers to study instead of the library. Stiff silence makes him too uncomfortable, and he usually focuses better with some background noise and snacks.

But, as Hyukjae helpfully pointed out earlier, that also means that the patio tends to get _very loud_ at times. It’s especially true now that it’s close to lunchtime. Some people—like Donghae—prefer to eat in the patio rather than in the cafeteria, since it’s more comfortable and also easier to study at the same time.

Donghae groans when he notices the crowd in the patio. It’s so _noisy_. His headache already felt worse than ever but still somehow manages to intensify two-fold, and he didn’t even think of bringing painkillers with him this morning. Sometimes he really does hate himself.

Sighing, Donghae makes a beeline for a couple of armchairs that aren’t occupied and throws himself into the nearest one. He leans back into it, trying to get comfortable. Hyukjae will probably get all outraged that he didn’t choose a proper table with proper chairs, but he really can’t be bothered about it. There’s a very nice coffee table between the two armchairs that he’s sure will do perfectly.

Some five minutes later, Donghae is about to fall asleep. His subconscious is stirring towards a fitful dream of fields of fragrant lemons, when Hyukjae flops down in front of him and ruins it. Donghae startles slightly, disoriented, and his whole body feels sluggish with sleepiness and discomfort. Hyukjae is looking through his backpack busily.

 

“Ah!” Hyukjae exclaims after a while and proudly brandishes a tablet of pills out of his bag. He shoves it into Donghae’s hands. “Here!”

 

“Uh,” Donghae frowns as he stares down at the little round pills. Has he turned into a personal things-holder and no one told him about it? “What’s this?”

 

“Painkillers,” Hyukjae says simply.

 

Donghae blinks. “What?”

 

But Hyukjae is already shoving his nose back into his bag. He rummages through it for a minute, and then makes a triumphant noise. When he straightens up again, his eyes are bright and shining, almost blinding, and he’s holding a drink.

 

“Here you go,” Hyukjae says and hands the can over. It feels pleasantly cool when Donghae wraps his fingers around it. “The painkillers are for your headache, obviously, and the drink is for your hangover. It’s yummy and I also heard it’s a really effective cure.”

 

“Oh, uh. Thanks?” Donghae stares hard at Hyukjae, stunned. “That’s… actually very nice of you?”

 

He’s being incredibly rude, he knows, but Hyukjae doesn’t seem to notice. He smiles brightly at Donghae, all teeth and gums and shiny eyes, and straightens up proudly in his seat, pleased and satisfied and preening just a little bit.

 

Donghae can’t help the small smile that spreads across his face. He tries to hide it by looking down at his drink and reads the label. “Korean pear juice?” he reads questioningly.

 

“Yes, I didn’t know about it either until I looked it up on my way here,” Hyukjae scrunches his nose up. Then he leans over conspiratorially, and Donghae is inexplicably compelled to do the same, until they’re only a few inches apart and all he can smell are lemons and citrus undertones. “But personally I think it’s only a Western myth,” he whispers like it’s a terrible secret, eyes wide. “But don’t tell anyone!”

 

“Ah.” Donghae clears his throat because he has no idea what to say. It’s just so surprisingly _thoughtful_ and _nice_ of Hyukjae—something he’s clearly not used to—and he’s not quite sure how he’s supposed to react to that. It’s also the first time that he witnesses this side of Hyukjae, playful and a little mischievous, and even if it was only for a very short moment, he kind of wants to see more.

Hyukjae is a very strange man indeed.

“Look, um. Thanks so much for this, really. It’s very nice of you.”

 

“Well!” Hyukjae blushes, looking very pleased with himself indeed. “I, I wouldn’t want you to be even less productive than you usually are, is all! We have a project to work on, you know!”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Donghae rolls his eyes. He doesn’t miss the implicit insult but decides that he can ignore it at least this once. Something in the way that Hyukjae avoids his eyes from embarrassment makes him smile reluctantly. Opening his drink, he takes a sip and downs two of the pills, then sighs happily at the fresh juice. “I’ll try to keep the unproductiveness to a minimum.”

 

“Yes, please do see to it,” Hyukjae huffs. He raises his nose high up in the air, which is a bit at odds with the way his cheeks are still flushed a little pink.

Clearly hoping to change topics, he says decisively, “now, about the project.”

 

He then starts talking about their mini-thesis as he pulls books after books out of his bag. Donghae eyes the backpack in mild fascination, wondering how much stuff is actually crammed in there. It looks very much heavy; how does Hyukjae manage to carry it all day long, when he looks like the tiniest breeze could blow him over?

Unaware of Donghae’s distracted thoughts, Hyukjae enthusiastically launches himself into a long speech on the project. He talks about what he read, what he hasn’t, what they should research, what he thinks they should write, and exactly how they should write it. Donghae’s focus is shaky at best but he does try somehow, listening to Hyukjae’s overwhelming flow of words as attentively as he can. He pipes up from time to time and throws some ideas and suggestions, which seems to satisfy Hyukjae well enough.

Donghae is so immensely grateful for the painkillers. As nice as he’d been a few minutes earlier, Hyukjae is still very annoying and obnoxious, especially when it comes to homework. He goes all bossy and snappy and haughty, sarcasm increasing two-fold. It makes Donghae want to strangle him a little.

 

“It’s a _mini-thesis_ ,” Donghae points out sharply. He stares hard at Hyukjae as they engage themselves into a fierce visual stand-off about the structure of their plan. “Not a full Ph.D. thesis or anything. We don’t have time to make it more than, like, maximum three parts. And that means thirty, maybe forty pages of writing at most; table of contents, appendix and everything else included.”

 

“I’m sure we could do it,” Hyukjae insists. If we would just—”

 

“No, we _can’t_ ,” Donghae cuts him off, “because we have other assignments to work on, and frankly, the weight of the grade we’d get on our overall GPA wouldn’t be worth it. Anyway, you said you were busy with other stuff. When would you even find the time?”

 

Hyukjae harrumphs petulantly. He looks away and scowls, mumbling under his breath about working late at night and during weekends. Donghae rolls his eyes in exasperation; there’s just no way that he’s going to work that hard for one project when he has half a dozen more to work on. He wants a good grade, sure, but that’s pushing it too far.

 

“Working hard, huh?” someone then comments playfully.

 

Donghae turns around, thankful for the distraction—only to find Yunho peering down at them in amusement. He’s a student in management that Donghae met in their first year of university, in which the curriculum includes as many introductory courses as possible so that they can choose what they like the best. Unlike his friend, Donghae’s always hated management; he’s one of those who believe that it’s only one-part passably useful, three-quarters complete bullshit. Clearly economics are the superior field of study.

 

“Hi,” Yunho says, smiling. “He rests a hand on Donghae’s shoulder and squeezes softly, like the ghost of an old, familiar habit. “How’ve you been, stranger?”

 

“Good,” Donghae replies as he smiles back and remembers how back in first year, he hoped that Yunho might be his someone. In front of them, Hyukjae stops scowling and looks at them in interest. “You?”

 

“Oh, you know,” Yunho shrugs. “Tired. They work us hard in management.”

 

Donghae raises a doubtful eyebrow, but diplomatically decides not to comment. Hyukjae, on the other hand, has no such concerns. He scoffs and rolls his eyes so hard that Donghae practically feels it.

 

“Oh, _please_ ,” Hyukjae mumbles under his breath, and Donghae almost laughs. “ _Management_ , seriously.”

 

Donghae fully expects Yunho to get annoyed; he’s been teasing his friend about it for years, he knows from personal experience that it’s a sore topic.

So imagine his surprise when Yunho only _laughs_.

 

“Yes, yes,” Yunho reaches out and ruffles Hyukjae’s hair. The latter splutters in indignation and straightens up to his full height, which is not very much at all. “We all know what you think about management, Hyukjae. How are you, kid?”

 

“Don’t call me kid, _ugh_ ,” Hyukjae snaps furiously. He ducks down in horror when Yunho reaches his hand out again. “No! Vanish, you fiend!”

 

Donghae gapes at them. He’s torn between feeling horrified and—for some reason that he can’t bring himself to explain—furious. _For fuck’s sake_ , he groans inwardly—do _they_ know each other too?!

Apparently yes, because they keep talking and bickering, and Donghae starts to feel very much excluded from their little wives’ meeting. His hands unconsciously clench into tight fists by his sides, which he tries to hide by shoving them between his thighs. It’s silly, and childish, and painfully embarrassing for everyone involved.

But Donghae _can’t help it_. Yunho is supposed to be _his_ friend, damn it. And Hyukjae is his—whatever he is.

 

“Argh, stop right this instant, you brute!” Hyukjae exclaims in outrage as he deflects another attack at his hair. “Donghae, make him stop! He might listen to you.”

 

Donghae really does wish that he could make them stop. His left eyebrow twitches in frustration and impatience. The urge to interrupt Hyukjae and Yunho in their fascinating exchange is strong and heavy in the middle of his chest, like a growling monster gnawing at his insides.

Even though he’d been so focused on the project minutes earlier, going on and on about how Donghae had to pay more attention, Hyukjae’s full attention is now on Yunho. He’s glaring and throwing scathing retorts at his easy teasing. But he’s also standing a bit straighter, like he’s enjoying the attention and is secretly hoping that Yunho won’t really stop.

It’s like that thing with Boa all over again, Donghae realizes. He scowls.

 

“Uh, I’m still _here_ , you know,” Donghae says pointedly, after Yunho pinches Hyukjae’s cheeks and he finally decides that he’s had enough. Both of them turn around in surprise and send him weird looks. He glowers. “No offense, Yunho, but we’re actually trying to work on something. So, you know.”

He shrugs uncomfortably. Some part of him knows that he’s being unreasonable and just _weird_ and already regrets every word that came out of his damn mouth. Another part of him, however, just wants them to stop acting all chummy buddies as if he didn’t exist.

 

Hyukjae cocks his head to the side questioningly. He blinks at Donghae, looking very confused and intrigued by his strange behavior. For a second, he looks like he wants to comment but then thinks against it at the last second.  His whole attention has swiftly shifted back to Donghae, intense and piercing, and he leans forward slightly as if trying to understand what is going through Donghae’s mind with his whole body.

Yunho, too, looks bewildered. He stares hard at Donghae as if he suddenly grew a second head, frowning quizzically, and makes an awkward ‘uh’ sound that he probably caught from him.

Silence drops awkwardly around the three of them. Donghae keeps his eyes firmly fixed on a random point behind Hyukjae’s head, trying to avoid their eyes without actually looking like it. He dearly wishes that he could disappear from the surface of earth.

Then, after a few more seconds of intense staring, Yunho’s face suddenly clears in understanding. His expression goes from frowning and confused, to wide-eyed and gaping in surprise. He smirks at Donghae and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Donghae does not understand. He stares back at his friend blankly.

Yunho smiles widely. His face seems to exclaim “oho! I see how it is!” as he glances meaningfully at Hyukjae. He wiggles his eyebrows one more time, snickering under his breath.

 

 _Oh, no_ , Donghae thinks too late. _Crap_.

 

“Oh, it’s fine!” Yunho shrugs too-casually before Donghae has time to deny whatever is going through that thick head of his. “I was just leaving anyway. You two have a lot of _fun_ together, eh?”

He winks exaggeratedly at Donghae, and then heads off with a last wave in Hyukjae’s direction.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Hyukjae demands after they’re left alone, frowning. “You were very rude to Yunho just now, you know?”

 

“Me!” Donghae exclaims, flushing in embarrassment. _How do you know him?_ he wants to ask. _Why do you know him? Why does everyone smile at you so much, and why do you look so happy when they talk to you? Why?_ “Rude! That’s rich, coming from you! Have you ever talked to yourself? You’re literally the rudest rude person of all rude persons in the whole world of rude!”

 

Hyukjae blinks rapidly at his outburst. “You are not making any sense,” he points out helpfully. And then, narrowing his eyes in contemplation, he wonders, “you wouldn’t happen to be still drunk from that silly Saturday party, are you?”

 

Donghae drops his head down into his hands. “Ugh,” he groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love hyukjae, he's such a cutie.... such an adorable prickly sweetheart ;; oddly enough, the section where boa and donghae flirt is actually one of my favorite? i think mainly it's because i was trying to make this story as realistic as possible, and donghae going out to parties and flirting with pretty girls and lookin for a nice fuck just screams real college idiot boi life, you know ? anyway, there's just something so real about that section that makes me happy with it! and also i love boa, so, there's that.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this second chapter hehehe c: as you can see donghae seems to have a sexual life ?? gasps what about it now ? guess you'll have to tune in for the next chapters :/ c:
> 
> please remember to upvote and tell me what you think in the comments! i love you, tysm!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight panic attack description in the first section. please be careful that it doesn't upset you!

Days go by, and Donghae still feels rather sulky about what went down that last time in the patio. The thought of Hyukjae’s unexpected social skills—as well as basically every interaction that he’s had with other people since they started working together—is still there, firmly stuck somewhere at the back of his mind. For some reason that he can’t explain, Donghae keeps thinking about it. Irritation now flares up inside him whenever he sees Hyukjae talking with a random somebody. It’s childish and silly and irrational, he knows that, but he just can’t help it. Every time he wonders, _are they friends, too? How? Since when? Why?_

Donghae has so many questions, and not a single answer.

He did think about asking Hyukjae directly, of course—but then, what would he say, really? Something stupid like ‘tell me why you’re friends with all of _my_ friends’?

Ugh, yeah, _right_. There’s just _no way_. All that would achieve is make him look even more like an idiot than usual. Believe it or not, that is not something that he incredibly enjoys, especially considering that Hyukjae’s opinion of him seems to be already low enough as it is.

And anyway, they haven’t seen each other in days, _so_.

Donghae glares mournfully at nothing in particular. Not that he really cares, but Hyukjae _did_ insist that they should meet up as much as possible to work on their mini-thesis—and yet it’s been days since they last talked to each other. _Guess getting the top grade isn’t such a priority anymore now that he has so many best friends, eh?_ he scoffs to himself uncharitably.

It’s a bit funny, isn’t it, that he’s taking the liberty to complain about Hyukjae’s commitment to their project when he hasn’t even started working on it properly. The irony of the situation really isn’t lost on him. 

Donghae sighs as he wanders half-heartedly through the quiet hallways of his university. He checks his phone for new texts, and then remembers unhappily that he doesn’t actually have Hyukjae’s number in his contacts. His bad mood goes down a few additional notches. Sulking, he decides to go and grab a snack from the nearest vending machine, hopefully something chocolatey. Maybe it’ll cheer him up.

Donghae’s reaching for his wallet, when he hears a panicked gasp.

The sound comes from close by, prompting him to stop in his tracks. He looks around curiously. There’s another gasp, and it’s soft and quivery, like someone is about to cry but is trying very hard to keep it down. Donghae gets a bit closer, even though he has no real intention to help, when—

—when he sees _Hyukjae_.

 

Donghae stiffens, stunned. “Hyukjae?” he calls but goes unheard.

 

Hyukjae looks like he’s about to have a panic attack. His whole body trembles from anxiety. He’s sitting on the dirty floor, hidden in the empty space between the wall and the vending machine, looking so very small. Short little gasps are spilling out of his mouth, painful and a little heartbreaking. His cheeks are flushed an unhealthy pink. His eyes are red and wet with unshed tears. He’s pulled his knees up against his chest, hugging them tight, as if his life depends on it.

 

“Uh, Hyukjae?” Donghae repeats uncertainly.

 

Hyukjae startles hard and then snaps his head up to stare at him. His eyes are wide and terrified, and for a terrible moment, he doesn’t seem to recognize him.

Donghae feels something tug painfully inside his chest. He moves closer almost unconsciously and crouches down to Hyukjae’s level. He quickly looks him over for some sort of injury. Hyukjae doesn’t seem hurt but he can’t be totally sure, and it makes worry grip hard at his insides.

 

“Hey, uh,” Donghae says as he sits down next to Hyukjae. “Are you okay?” He rests a careful hand on Hyukjae’s shoulder, and when he doesn’t jerk away from him immediately, Donghae presses down tentatively. “Hyukjae? What’s happening?”

 

Hyukjae stays silent for a long moment, so much that Donghae starts to think that he won’t say anything at all. But then he takes a deep breath in, shivering so hard that Donghae feels it in his own body.

 

“I—” Hyukjae starts with a thick voice. He clears his throat, and then continues quietly, “I have a presentation to make. In fact, I’m supposed to be presenting _right now_ , but, I—”

Hyukjae gulps with difficulty and shivers once again. Donghae squeezes his shoulder softly, until he leans in unconsciously and stops trembling quite so much.

“But I’m—I’m so scared, because it’s. It’s a really important grade, at least it is to me, and what if I fail? What if the professor hates my presentation, and hates _me_? What if he decides to refuse my Ph.D. application, and, and—and then—…” He hunches his shoulders pathetically and his eyes flicker wildly as he stumbles on his words. “Then I’ll _cry_ , and I don’t want to cry, Donghae, I really don’t. And—and I’m so scared, you know, and—”

 

“Hey, hey,” Donghae says soothingly, trying to sound calmer than he really feels. In truth, he has no clue what he’s supposed to do. Hyukjae looks like he’s about to prove himself right and burst into tears. Donghae doesn’t know what to do if that really happens, doesn’t know if they’re close enough for him to know what to say, how to comfort him. If _he’s_ good enough.

He wishes that he was.

“Hey, look,” Donghae tries again, then stops, unsure how to continue.

Awkwardly, he reaches out and wraps an arm around Hyukjae’s shoulders. _They’re wider than I thought_ , he notices before he can think any better of it, and immediately wants to beat himself for being such an asshole. It’s really not the moment to think about—whatever it is that he’s thinking about.

And yet, Donghae can’t help but notice how close to each other they are. How Hyukjae is fully leaning against him, heavy and warm and fragrant. He gulps.

“It’s going to be okay, Hyukjae,” Donghae says. He feels like a useless idiot. “I’m sure you’re not going to get a bad grade.”

 

Hyukjae frowns at him disapprovingly. He shifts under Donghae’s arm to scowl at him properly, but makes no move to push him away. “Well, you don’t _know_ that,” he protests.

In a split second, his mood abruptly switches from terrified and vulnerable to agitated. Straightening up, he unconsciously wraps his hand around Donghae’s knee and squeezes hard, as if getting ready to start another of his infamous rants.

“Maybe I’m going to have the worst grade in the whole history of bad grades,” he exclaims as he digs his fingers into Donghae’s skin, “and then what!”

 

“Uh,” Donghae mumbles, bemused.

 

Hyukjae’s sudden agitation only slightly surprises him. He’s always thought that it was a little odd—and rather annoying, to be honest—how Hyukjae could be cheerful and full of happy energy one moment, then suddenly become moody and snappish. His fickle temper just seems to come and go without any warning or apparent reason. Donghae had to learn the hard way that trying to keep up with his random moods was a lost cause, as it only left him with headaches and a desperate urge for murder.

Today though, Donghae finds that he doesn’t mind. He’s grown so accustomed to Hyukjae’s unpredictability over the past few weeks that he’s able to bypass his initial bewilderment. Instead, he goes straight for an attempt of appeasing him. If anything, it’s almost a relief to know that it’ll be relatively easy to distract Hyukjae and erase the vulnerability off his face.

 

“ _Then_ ,” Hyukjae insists when Donghae stays quiet for too long, “then my whole life will be _ruined_ , that is what! I will end up as a checkout boy in a sub-class convenience store for the rest of forever, with no prospect of career advancement whatsoever.”

 

“You’re being very dramatic,” Donghae comments. He hurries to continue when Hyukjae puffs his chest up in outrage. “I mean, uh. What is your presentation about, exactly?”

 

Hyukjae throws him a suspicious look. Still, he seems to accept the distraction for what it is.

“It’s about the—” He stops and takes a deep breath, then finally seems to settle down. He snuggles absently into Donghae. “It’s about the garbage can model. It’s a theory in managerial economics, developed by Cohen, March and Olsen in 1972.”

As Hyukjae continues to talk, his anxiety seems to flow out slowly from his body. He’s finally started to sound more enthusiastic and his shoulders relax little by little, prompting Donghae to tighten his hold around him encouragingly. “It basically describes a type of chaotic organizational decision-making in an organized anarchy. In this case, of course, organized anarchies are considered organizations, and as such—”

 

“Okay, alright, stop,” Donghae cuts him off. While he certainly wouldn’t have known what to do if Hyukjae had started crying, his excitement seems like it’ll be just hard to handle, if not more. He has no idea why.

“No offense but, uh, I don’t really care.” He winces, fully aware that he sounds like a right dick. “You look like you’re totally ready for it though. That’s, uh… I mean, I don’t think you have to worry so much about it.”

 

Hyukjae blinks at him, surprised. Then he eagerly leans in closer to Donghae. His excitement for his presentation seems to have successfully distracted him from his earlier panic, making him forget all about personal intimacy instead. He’s sitting so close now that their noses are almost touching. And _fuck_ , but his _lips_ —they’re so very close, too, plump and terribly tempting.

Donghae gulps again but doesn’t dare move away.

 

“Do you really think so?” Hyukjae asks in a tiny shy whisper that makes Donghae lick his lower lip nervously. He sounds rather pleased with himself yet still uncertain. “Do you?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Donghae shrugs awkwardly. “I mean, if there’s someone who can get the best grade, it’s probably you, right?”

 

“Oh.” Hyukjae bites down on a smile, as if embarrassed to show just how proud he is of himself. It’s rather charming, Donghae has to admit—but only a little. “Well, of course. I worked really hard, you know?”

Suddenly he gasps. He straightens up again and almost headbutts Donghae in the process, looking wide-eyed and terrified. “But, oh _no_! I already missed half of the period! I’m so late, what if they _expel_ me?!”

 

Hyukjae draws back from Donghae with a strangled sound. Instinctively, Donghae tightens his hold around his shoulders and keeps him close.

Here it is again, he thinks, that sharp change in temper that usually leaves him dizzy. He fully expects it this time, however, so he only rolls his eyes and gently shakes Hyukjae’s shoulders.

 

“Come on, don’t be an idiot,” he tells him. “Just say you had something going on at home or something, and it’ll be fine. I bet you have perfect attendance anyway, they’re not going to say anything if you’re late just this once.”

 

“Oh,” Hyukjae mumbles again. He slumps heavily into Donghae’s side, placated. “Well, if you say so.”

 

Frowning down at his shoes, he absentmindedly tucks a strand of dark hair behind his ear. He hugs his knees closer to his chest as silence settles around them, slightly awkward but not entirely unwelcome. Donghae finds himself stealing a few glances at Hyukjae. He tries his best to be discreet about it but has a terrible hunch that he’s failing rather miserably. He’s too hyperaware of his arm wrapped around Hyukjae’s shoulders, of the way that his fresh, lemony smell is tickling his nose and making the little hairs at the back of his neck stand up in nervous attention. Of the way that Hyukjae is curled up against him, as if seeking warmth.

When the silence stretches for too long, Hyukjae starts to fidget. He looks troubled and anxious again, eyes flickering left and right. It doesn’t look as bad as it had been when Donghae found him earlier, but he still feels a desperate urge to distract him.

 

“Um,” Donghae clears his throat too loudly. He struggles to find something, anything to say, but his mind comes up blank. “Uh, yeah, so. How do you know Yunho exactly?”

 

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Donghae regrets them. He’s such an idiot, he knows.

Hyukjae seems to agree with this sentiment because he turns to frown at him in bewilderment.

 

“Really?” he sniffs, sounding very unimpressed. “You’re asking this now? Perhaps you haven’t realized, but I’m a little otherwise preoccupied at the moment.”

 

Donghae shrugs helplessly. He knows it’s a dumb question to ask when Hyukjae is feeling so upset, but he couldn’t think of anything else, and, well. He really does want to know.

 

“You’re so weird,” Hyukjae rolls his eyes with a huff. “Our moms are friends, if you must know. They meet up regularly for tea, so Yunho and I get to see each other occasionally.”

 

“Ah.” Donghae blinks. That’s not really the terrible, scandalous secret friendship that he initially expected, that’s for sure. That makes him feel even more like an idiot than usual—and that seems to be the joke of the day, doesn’t it, him being a useless dumbass asshole. But for some reason that he can’t explain, he still feels irrationally annoyed at Yunho—or maybe at Hyukjae, or maybe at both of them—for this weird feeling that gnaws angrily at his insides every time that he sees Hyukjae interacting with his friends. He frowns.

 

“What about you, then?” Hyukjae asks absently as he tucks another strand of his hair behind his ear. “You seem close.”

 

Donghae almost snorts, until he realizes that Hyukjae probably doesn’t know about him and Yunho. About their almost-something, about how he once hoped that Yunho could be his someone. He fidgets uncomfortably. He usually doesn’t mind talking about it, but it’s different with Hyukjae—too awkward and maybe too personal.

“We used to, uh, date.” Donghae shrugs vaguely. “Back in first year.”

 

Hyukjae whips his head around in shock. “ _What_?” he gasps loudly. He stares at Donghae with wide eyes. “You and _Yunho_? But—… _why_?”

 

“What do you mean, why?” Donghae snaps indignantly. He bristles at Hyukjae’s skeptical look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It’s just,” Hyukjae frowns. “Yunho is rather…” He vaguely flaps his hand around. “And you’re, well.” He eyes Donghae from the corners of the eyes, then looks away with a flush. “You know.”

 

“Not really, no,” Donghae says dryly.

 

It’s Hyukjae’s turn to shrug awkwardly. He peers at Donghae curiously as he nibbles on his lower lip, and Donghae has to stop himself from staring at his mouth. “How long did you date?”

 

“Nine months, maybe more,” Donghae replies. “Less than a year for sure.”

 

Hyukjae hums thoughtfully. “That’s a long time.”

 

“Yeah,” Donghae says. He’s not sure that it’s actually that long, but then he never had a longer relationship than that one so he wouldn’t really know. “Yeah, maybe it is.”

 

Their conversation then fades into another slightly awkward silence. They should probably move soon, especially if they want Hyukjae to be able to present, but Donghae figures that if he’s already half an hour late then a few additional minutes won’t really make a difference. So instead they stay there, sat on the dirty floor. Donghae’s arm is still wrapped snugly around Hyukjae. He doesn’t dare to move away, even when the rest of his body starts to feel stiff and awkward.

Hyukjae seems to be lost in thoughts. Donghae has the terrible feeling that he’s mulling over his poor excuse of a romantic life, and that makes him feel more uncomfortable than he’d like to admit. He has half a mind to justify himself and explain that, really, it was years ago, there’s nothing between them anymore. He wants to tell Hyukjae that he’s never really been in love with Yunho and that he couldn’t have even if he tried. In the end he wasn’t the someone that Donghae had been looking for.

But then the thing is, that’s not really Hyukjae’s problem, is it? Donghae has no idea where this urge to babble about what might have or might have not happened with Yunho is coming from. It’s not even like Hyukjae asked anyway—and even if he did, Donghae doesn’t have an obligation to answer, so really, he should just keep his mouth shut. Maybe that’ll stop him from making a fool of himself again.

As he studiously stays quiet, Hyukjae finally decides to get up. He waits for Donghae to stand up without a word, looking pensive, before they head towards his classroom together. Donghae has to admit that he feels a bit at a loss without Hyukjae’s warmth pressed up against his side. It’s silly, but for a brief moment, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Maybe he’s just horny, he reflects. It’s been ages since he had proper sex after all. Embarrassed about his odd behavior, Donghae keeps his eyes firmly fixed anywhere but near Hyukjae next to him.

And if he notices that Hyukjae, on the other hand, won’t stop staring at him, and that he looks curious and more open than he’s ever been with him so far, well. That’s another problem for another day.

 

*

 

It’s Saturday night again and Donghae finds himself at another party. It’s probably stupid of him, especially considering how much he suffered through his last hangover, but drinking seemed like the best way to forget about Hyukjae and the way that he looked so small and vulnerable. It shouldn’t really come as a surprise that Hyukjae would get so worked up that he’d almost get a panic attack, but somehow it is. The memory of his red eyes and unshed tears keeps replaying over and over again in Donghae’s mind, like a broken record, and he hates it. He also can’t forget the curious, wide-eyed look that Hyukjae had given him when he learned about his almost-something with Yunho, as if he had a thousand questions to ask but couldn’t figure out which one to pick first. It’s all terribly distracting, and Donghae wants it to stop.

He wanders around the noisy room with a beer in hand, trying to find a familiar face amongst the party crowd. Heechul and Kyuhyun seem to be engaged in a fierce drinking competition somewhere near the bar, cheered on by a growing audience that’s gathering around them. Boa isn’t too far either; Donghae thinks about joining her and maybe kissing her properly, until he realizes that she’s already flirting with Siwon. He blinks, a little bemused, then shrugs and looks around for someone else. It’s shitty to say but he doesn’t care enough about her to be jealous.

It’s not long before he sets his eyes on a fit-looking stranger across the crowded room. He’s a bit taller than Donghae, but leaner, with full lips and pretty almond eyes. When he catches Donghae looking, the guy sends him a flirty smirk and beckons him with a crooked finger. Donghae grins back easily. He can’t think of a good reason to refuse, so he leaves his beer on a nearby table and lazily walks over.

 

“Hi,” Donghae drawls when he’s reached him.

 

The guy rests a hand on Donghae’s chest then trails it down to his waist, strong and warm and slow. “Hello,” he says, peering at him with a lustful look that makes Donghae’s cock twitch in interest.

 

They make a half-assed effort at conversation, but it’s obvious that they both have other purposes in mind. After they’ve gone through the formalities of flirting, Donghae presses his mouth against the guy’s. He kisses him heatedly against the wall and it’s so much easier now that they don’t have to talk. The guy tightly wraps his arms around his neck—too tightly, almost—in a way that is probably supposed to come off as demanding, but really just feels uncomfortable. It’s actually a bit annoying, but if Donghae gets to fuck him tonight then who is he to complain? Grunting into the wet kiss, he pulls the guy closer by his hips. He groans appreciatively when their erections press snuggly against each other. Fuck, but Donghae’s so _horny_.

 

“Want to get out of here?” the guy asks in a low, flirtatious voice.

 

He doesn’t sound very nice, to be perfectly honest—too nasally and high-pitched. Donghae warily wonders what it’ll be like when they fuck. He usually likes his partners to be loud, but this one would probably sound annoying rather than arousing.

Donghae then also realizes that he doesn’t even know the guy’s name. Oh, well.

He’s about to drag Fit-Looking to the nearest bedroom, when someone pats him heavily on the shoulder. He turns around and finds Ingoo, another of his classmates, smiling at him like an idiot and looking completely out of it. Next to him, his friend Hoon struggles to keep him standing upright.

Donghae thinks it’s a bit funny that he remembers who they are while he can’t even be bothered to ask the name of the guy he’s about to fall in bed with.

 

“Hi, Donghae! Hi!” Ingoo exclaims with a slurred voice. Something in his unfocused eyes tells Donghae that he’s too smashed to realize that he’s cockblocking. “Fancy seein’ you here, huh! Must be coincre—coindren—coincin—uh… something.”

 

“Uh, yeah, hi,” Donghae frowns at them, irritated. Hoon gives him a sympathetic look.

 

Before Donghae can tell them to fuck off, Fit-Looking starts to chat with them. He pulls him closer as he does and wraps a possessive arm around his waist, as if trying to show him off. Donghae rolls his eyes exasperatedly; he doesn’t even know his _name_ , for fuck’s sake, it’s not like they’re boyfriends or anything. Still, he doesn’t complain, mostly because he’s half hard and he’d really like to fuck at some point tonight. He makes no effort to participate in the conversation though, which he’s able to ignore by fantasizing about sinking his cock inside a tight ass.

 

“You hang out a lot with Hyukjae, right,” Ingoo says at some point in his drunken ramble, and it snaps Donghae out of his filthy daydream. Ingoo snorts as he leans heavily onto Hoon’s shoulder. “What a fucking nerd, right. _Right_? So annoyin’, ugh. Tell him, Hoon, that he’s a nerd and he’s so annoyin’.”

 

Then he dissolves in snickers, soon followed by Hoon and Fit-Looking.

Donghae stiffens. An image of Hyukjae’s teary, anxious face flashes in his mind again, unwelcome and almost painful, as the others continue to laugh.

 

“Right?” Ingoo cackles as he slaps Donghae repeatedly on the shoulder. “So fucking annoyin’, _right_?”

 

When he doesn’t immediately answer, Fit-Looking nudges him curiously. Donghae forces out an uneasy smile, but stays silent. The urge to defend Hyukjae raises painfully to his throat. He tries to ignore it, but it chokes him up and leaves him a little breathless with shame. _Fuck_ , but he can be such an asshole sometimes, he knows, and yet he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, what he should say. He’s so confused, and he doesn’t know why he keeps thinking about Hyukjae all the damn time, and _goddamn_ _it_ , he just wants it to _stop_.

Another memory of Hyukjae invades his mind before he can stop it. He’s curled up on the floor, looking so small and vulnerable—so upset, so scared that he won’t achieve his dreams, so eager to hear that he’s doing well. Guilt floods Donghae, cruel and violent.

 

“Fuck off,” Donghae snaps to Ingoo and Hoon. “We’re busy.”

 

Like a coward, Donghae decides to ignore his bad conscience by pressing a savage kiss on Fit-Looking’s mouth. That earns him a long moan, high-pitched and slightly unpleasant to the ear, before they clumsily make their way to an empty bedroom.

 

“Do you want to fuck me,” Fit-Looking asks as he bites down on his neck, and Donghae hoarsely replies, “fuck, yeah.”

 

They don’t bother with small talk anymore and undress messily, both eager to find their release. Donghae feels so high-strung that it’s somehow hard to think and to empty his mind all at the same time. He wants to forget about everything and focus on his pleasure, but his ears are buzzing unpleasantly, and he doesn’t know how to make it stop, how to shut down the guilt and the shame. Fit-Looking then gets down on his knees on the bed and holds his ass open for him, and Donghae almost sobs in relief when all that he has worry about is slicking up his cock to push in.

Donghae fucks him hard and fast into the mattress. His chest is pressed against Fit-Looking’s back as he pounds into him relentlessly. His balls slap wetly against his skin with each rough thrust, and it’s such a filthy sound that it leaves him dizzy with lust. He groans under his breath as he plunges his hard cock in the warm tightness of his ass, over and over again, unable to stop.

Fuck, Donghae thinks, but it feels nice. It’s been so long since he last fucked someone properly.

Fit-Looking is the first to come. He moans and cries out loudly as he splatters the bedsheets with his cum. Donghae feels his ass tightens hard around his hard cock. He hisses loudly and picks up his thrusts urgently, impatient to reach his own release.

Before he can come though, Fit-Looking pushes him away, complaining about being too sensitive. Donghae starts to protest but complies anyway. His cock aches in need as he slips out from his wet hole. He’s about to bring himself off on his own, when Fit-Looking wraps a hand around his dick and jerks him off. His strokes are too-rough, too-short, and he doesn’t pay enough attention to his slit or to his balls, and his hand pulls at him in an uncomfortable angle—but it’s been so long since Donghae’s felt the warmth of a hand other than his own on his cock, that he tolerates it.

Soon enough, pleasure overrides the rest and he’s able to ignore the sloppiness of the handjob. He releases a low moan into Fit-Looking’s open mouth. He thrusts his hips eagerly into his hand, desperate to tip himself off the edge between pleasure and orgasm.

One, two, three more quick strokes—and finally, Donghae comes. His cock releases thick spurts of cum over Fit-Looking’s hand; it only lasts a couple of seconds, but it’s enough to leave him breathless and trembling slightly. A long shiver runs down his spine as he gasps.

Then Donghae collapses onto the bed, exhausted, and blankly stares up at the dark ceiling. He barely notices when Fit-Looking moves to gather his clothes. Now that his mind isn’t fogged with lust, everything that’s happened tonight up until now feels like a complete mistake. Donghae should never have come to this party and drank all of those beers, and he should have said something to defend Hyukjae, and he should never have fucked this boy that he doesn’t even know the name of. The sex was good, but in hindsight not _that_ good, and now Donghae just feels awful.

He thinks that he probably deserves it.

 

*

 

Donghae wears turtlenecks and avoids Hyukjae until the hickeys disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to do it, im so sorry guys :/ my heart goes for hyukjae in this chapter ;; his panic attack is partly based on similar episodes that i went through when i was in highschool and revising for the french equivalent of sats. now that im in university its a lot better though! shoutout to all of my readers who still have to deal with stressful exams (if you're a highschool logically you shldn't be reading this my friend)
> 
> i hope you've enjoyed reading this update!!!!!!! seems like things are starting to change for donghae ? he's so destabilized by hyukjae ? why ? i wonder .
> 
> please remember to upvote and comment as always ! i love you, thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday to hyukjae, the man that i love the most in the whole wide world, the one that i'd do anything for ;; falling in love with you is the greatest mistake i've ever made <3
> 
> happy 0404 to you all!

One evening of the following week, Donghae invites his friends over at his apartment under the pretext of a study session. They’ve actually made almost no progress on that goal so far. Their initial motivation only lasted for about half an hour, at which point Heechul had started complaining about being hungry, and suddenly the rest of them had decided that they were too. They had ordered fast-food delivery, claiming that they’d definitely study after sustaining themselves. But then one thing led to another, and now their books and notes lie forgotten in a corner of the room, barely opened at all.

Well, Donghae thinks uncaringly. At least they tried, right? Yawning, he punches the pillow under his head to fluff it up, then shifts a little to be more comfortable. He’s lying down on the carpeted floor of his bedroom, which admittedly isn’t the best idea for his back—but then he never was known for having good ideas. He rolls onto his side with a slight grimace to glance at his best friends.

Heechul is sprawled across his bed, browsing idly through comics updates on his phone. He’s been deploring the lack of good releases for a while, and, judging from the way that he keeps grumbling irritably, it seems like today won’t bring any luck either. Siwon is also sitting on the bed, leaning comfortably against the headboard as he reads a magazine. From where he is, Donghae can read “ _How to grow your sexiest beard in 3 easy steps_ ” on the cover. He wants to roll his eyes. Kyuhyun is also here, of course; he’s on the floor as well, sitting against the bedframe with his laptop and a pack of cookies nearby.

Donghae smiles at them fondly. He ducks his head down to hide it before his friends notice and tease him again for being too sentimental.

Ever since he was a child, loneliness has always been his biggest fear. It haunts him whenever he lets his defenses down, like a terrible nightmare, or maybe a threat, that lingers at the periphery of his thoughts. Just the idea of ending up alone one day—without his family or his closest friends by his sides, without someone to hold him tight when he feels at his worst—feels like a painful slash across his bare back. To fend off his anxiety, Donghae needs the certitude that someone loves him, real and simple and intense, despite his imperfections. He needs to keep those people close to him, close to his heart.

As long as he can remember, Heechul, Siwon and Kyuhyun have always been there for him. Just like he’ll always be there for them. They love him in their own special ways, and even if it generally implies a lot of teasing and nagging and shouting, Donghae couldn’t be more thankful to have them in his life.

 

“Guys,” Donghae whines and he reaches out a grabby hand towards his friends, like a child. Siwon and Kyuhyun glance at him questioningly, while Heechul doesn’t even bother looking up from his phone. “I feel like shit.”

 

“Yeah, well, you look like it,” Kyuhyun comments dryly. Heechul snickers, and before Donghae can retort indignantly at the both of them, he continues, “I don’t really see what your problem is though. You got to hook up on Saturday, right? That’s usually good reason enough to be happy.”

 

“Shut up,” Donghae glowers at him. “It wasn’t that good anyway.”

 

At that, Heechul throws a pillow at his head. Donghae catches it before it can hit him square in the face.

“ _You_ shut the fuck up,” Heechul scoffs before he settles back down. “Don’t be so fucking ungrateful. You don’t get to complain about anything, you lucky bastard; _I_ didn’t get my dick wet for weeks, but _I’m_ not complaining, am I?”

 

 _Well, you are, kind of_ , Donghae wants to point out wryly. He shuts up, though, because if there’s one thing that he’s learned from hanging out with Heechul, it’s that arguing with him really isn’t the best idea if he wants to keep his virility unscathed. He continues to sulk instead. 

 

“You guys are the worst,” he grumbles.

 

“No, but seriously,” Siwon says then, and Donghae thinks that he hears a hint of concern in his voice. “Are you sure you’re okay, Donghae? You do look a bit tired, you know, and you’ve been acting all weird since last week.” He puts his magazine down and frowns at him worriedly, ignoring Kyuhyun’s mutter of ‘ _you’re too nice to him, let him grow some chest hairs, for fuck’s sake_ ’.

“Is it homework, maybe?” Siwon asks. “You were complaining about partnering up with Hyukjae last time. Is it still bad?”

 

Donghae grimaces. He only hoped to whine a bit at his friends, but Siwon has always been surprisingly good at seeing through their bullshit and guessing the reason of their problems. He sits up and folds his legs under him.

“I don’t know,” he pouts, pulling at a loose thread of his carpet moodily. “It’s just that—… something happened last week, and now it’s been on my mind.”

Reluctantly, Donghae tells them about finding Hyukjae curled up in a dusty corner of the university hallways, looking terribly anxious and upset about his presentation, on the verge of tears. Then he tells them about trying to comfort him, but not finding the right words to say, not knowing how to comfort him, and how useless it made him feel.

For the briefest moment, Donghae also considers telling them about people mocking Hyukjae at the party. Something grips him tight in the middle of his chest and holds him back at the last second. He tries to convince himself that it isn’t because he still feels ashamed and guilty for not defending Hyukjae, but it’s a lie. And he knows it perfectly.

 

“Ah.” Kyuhyun tilts his head to the side. He shares a loaded look with Siwon, which Donghae isn’t sure he understands. “I mean,” he says slowly, “you already knew that, no? That he cared a lot about his grades? It’s kind of obvious that he does.”

 

“Yeah, but.” Donghae frowns. He feels so confused and lost, suddenly, because Kyuhyun is right. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise that Hyukjae would worry so much about his studies, especially considering how intense he is about their mini-thesis, but somehow it _is_. He doesn’t understand where this protective urge is coming from.

“I don’t know, I just—… I didn’t expect him to get so worked up about it, I guess.”

 

Siwon and Kyuhyun share another look. Donghae has the feeling that they know something that he doesn’t, and it makes him squirm awkwardly. Meanwhile, Heechul just looks uncomfortable, as he always is when they expect him to talk about feelings or any related topic.

 

“Maybe you should talk to him, if you’re so worried,” Siwon says finally. Before Donghae can hastily protest that he _isn’t_ , really, he’s _not_ , Siwon continues, “you could ask him if he’s okay, if he thinks he did good at his presentation. Something like that, you know?”

 

“Uh, yeah.” Donghae fidgets uncomfortably. He’d rather not explain that he’s avoiding Hyukjae because he’s too scared that he’ll see his hickeys and get the wrong idea. “Maybe.”

 

Kyuhyun eyes him dubiously, clearly not believing him, but Siwon seems satisfied enough. He offers him an encouraging look and goes back to his magazine.

 

“So are you guys, like, friends or something?” Heechul asks. “Are you going to stop yelling at everyone who says that they know him? Because that was so much _fun_.” He rolls his eyes sarcastically.

 

Donghae wraps his arms around himself pensively. Despite his best efforts to ignore it, irritation still flares up overwhelmingly within him each time that he remembers one of his friends interacting with Hyukjae. He just has to think about how Heechul, Siwon and Kyuhyun all seem to know him—but also Yunho and Boa, and even random people that he meets at parties—and a roaring beast comes to life in his tummy, gnawing at his insides in jealousy.

Part of him wants to believe that it’s only possessiveness over his own friends. That it’s just because he’s worried that they might leave him for Hyukjae. But another part of him, the one that’s confused and that’s been constantly thinking about Hyukjae since last week, tells him that it might not be the only reason why.

Donghae nibbles onto his lower lip, conflicted. Kyuhyun and Siwon peer at him knowingly, in a way that he doesn’t understand. It urges him to look away.

In the end, he lies back down on the floor, and says softly, “I don’t know.”

 

*

 

 

Donghae feels nervous. He’s supposed to meet up with Hyukjae soon to work on their mini-thesis, but something uneasy and anxious churns at the bottom of his stomach, making him feel agitated. One of the reasons why is that he still can’t shut down the last twinges of his guilt from Saturday night, while another is that he still flushes slightly every time that he thinks about his arm wrapped around Hyukjae’s shoulders. For some reason, he’s worried that Hyukjae might take a look at his face and suddenly guess everything that’s going through his mind. He knows that he’s being ridiculous—that nothing actually changed between them, besides in his own head and in his own growingly confused perception of their not-relationship—but, ugh, he _can’t help it_. It’s annoying and distracting, and he _really_ wishes that it’d stop.

Before going to university, Donghae spent a good five minutes making sure that his ugly hickeys disappeared off his skin completely. And then another fifteen minutes wondering just how the hell he’s supposed to act around Hyukjae now that he’s seen him on the verge of crying. There’s just something so incredibly intimate about seeing someone’s vulnerability from up close. Donghae would usually be happy and touched that he was trusted enough for that, but he’s not entirely sure that Hyukjae didn’t let him in only because of the circumstances. He’s also a bit apprehensive of how he’ll react now that he’s feeling better, considering how prickly and proud he usually is.

Donghae groans softly under his breath. It’s stilly, he knows it is, for fuck’s sake. But even when he tries to convince himself to stop acting like a complete idiot, his mind keeps reminding him of all the words that he could have said to defend him on Saturday night, but didn’t; and of the way that Hyukjae felt pressed up against him, snuggling into his side and seeking warmth.

In the end, Donghae spent so much time worrying that he’s now running late to their meetup.

 

“Shit,” he groans as he half-runs through the university’s crowded hallways. It’s the end of a period and students pour out of classrooms in countless numbers. He dodges them awkwardly, cursing under his breath, “shit, _shit_.” He’s managed to convince Hyukjae to meet in the patio again, which is a small victory in itself, but then he doesn’t think it’ll come off as very appreciative of Hyukjae’s efforts if he gets there too late.

Just as he’s about to jump down a flight of stairs, the risk of breaking his neck be damned, he almost runs into Jungsoo. “Uh,” he utters as he stops himself just in time.

Jungsoo is another friend of his who studies human resources and that Donghae met in his first year. They don’t get to talk as much as they used to ever since Jungsoo got elected as president of the student office and started his apprenticeship, but they’ve always been very close, and Donghae misses talking to him.

Except that Donghae is already so late, and he’d really rather not have Hyukjae yell at him in the middle of the patio.

 

“Hi there,” Jungsoo smiles at him warmly. “How’ve you been?”

 

“Hi,” Donghae says as he frantically tries to find an exit. “I’m good, thanks.”

While he really does enjoy talking with Jungsoo, he also knows how incredibly talkative and gossip-y he can be. If he doesn’t leave now, he’ll probably be stuck here for the best part of an hour.

“Uh, look,” he clears his throat. “I have to go to the patio to meet up with my group partner. I was supposed to be there fifteen minutes ago, I’m really late.”

 

“Oh,” Jungsoo blinks interestedly, either not getting the hint or ignoring it. “What kind of project are you working on? And with whom?”

 

Donghae rolls his eyes. By now, he can tell when Jungsoo is asking friendly questions from when he’s fishing for gossip; right now it's the latter. “Mini-thesis,” he answers shortly. He’s just about five minutes away from the patio; maybe if he runs as fast as he can, he could get there in under three minutes. “I’m with Hyukjae.”

 

“Ah, yeah,” Jungsoo nods knowingly. “He’s a good kid, Hyukjae, but you don’t really want to make him wait, right? He’s pretty strict about that kind of thing.”

 

Donghae wants to hit something, and preferably Jungsoo. _I’m_ already _late, and you’re not helping_ , he wants to shout at him.

Instead, he narrows his eyes suspiciously. Inside his belly, as if summoned by the mention of Hyukjae’s name in someone else’s mouth, the beast roars back to life and hisses warningly. “You _know_ him?” he demands. He can’t help but sound petulant, and from the way that Jungsoo’s eyes shine too-curiously, he realizes too late that it’s a mistake. “You know _Hyukjae_?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Jungsoo laughs with a shrug, but doesn’t elaborate. Donghae wants to scream and pull his hair out. “Why?” Jungsoo asks with an innocent smile that doesn’t fool Donghae in the slightest. “Jealous?”

 

At that, Donghae splutters and takes a step backward, as if physically punched. He doesn’t like that implication _at all_. “No!” he protests frantically. “ _Of course_ not! It’s just that—…” He throws his hands in the air exasperatedly. “ _Ugh_ , look, I need to go, I’m already so late.”

Before Jungsoo can add anything else, Donghae sidesteps him and runs away. A nagging voice in his head tells him that he’s running away in more ways than one, but he’s always been good at ignoring his own thoughts, and so he does.

 

When he finally joins Hyukjae in the patio, he’s half an hour late. He mumbles an apology, too breathless to feel awkward yet, and slumps down in the free armchair. Hyukjae fixes him with an outraged glare. He huffs and folds his arms on his chest primly.

 

“You’re _late_ ,” Hyukjae scolds him irritably. He raises his nose high up in the air and adds, in case Donghae wouldn’t believe him, “thirty-two minutes.”

 

Donghae grimaces, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Somehow, he doesn’t think that it’d be well received, and anyway it really is his fault this time. “Uh, right, yeah,” he says. “I’m really sorry.”

 

Hyukjae narrows his eyes suspiciously, looking as though he’s trying to figure out if Donghae is genuinely feeling apologetic. He straightens up with a petulant huff. “ _Anyhow_ ,” he sniffs, and then launches another long monologue about their mini-thesis. He goes on and on about the additional literature research that he did, about the new elements that he found, and about what he’d like them to write in the actual paper.

Even though it would usually annoy him to be the victim of that kind of one-sided conversation, today Donghae finds it almost reassuring that Hyukjae looks in such a good condition. It’s almost as if last time’s episode is only a bad dream. There’s no more trace of vulnerability or anxiety or tears on his face. Donghae lets out a sigh of relief. And then blinks bemusedly. He didn’t realize how nervous he’d been about it until now, and it surprises him again that he feels so protective.

The longer Hyukjae talks, the more enthusiastic he looks. A healthy flush has started to color his cheeks, making him look softer than he usually does, and his hands are gesticulating animatedly in front of him as he continues to describe his ideas. For some reason, Donghae catches himself staring at his mouth as he keeps on talking. His lips look incredibly pink and full, and it’s just a bit unsettling, prompting the great beast inside his belly to stir in interest.  

Hyukjae’s so intense about their project today as well that Donghae would probably get a headache if he tried to listen too closely. So instead, he only focuses on the most important parts and ignores the rest. He hears words like ‘ _empirical analysis_ ’ and ‘ _political business cycles_ ’ and ‘ _econometrics_ ’ that make him frown in apprehension, but it’s nothing that they haven’t talked about before, so he doesn’t interrupt. He does roll his eyes sometimes, half-irritated.

 

“Hey, so,” Donghae says, when Hyukjae pauses in his critical commentary of Donghae’s research to take a breath. “I wanted to ask you, uh. Did you do okay with your presentation? About the trash can thing?”

 

Hyukjae blinks. Then frowns. “Garbage can model,” he corrects pointedly. “I think I did alright,” he says afterwards. “I will only know for sure next week though; our professor won’t be able to grade us before then.”

 

“Ah.” Donghae nods. “Okay, alright.” He shoves his hands under his thighs, feeling awkward. He wishes that he could shut up and pretend that nothing happened like Hyukjae seems to be doing, but he’s never been very good at that. “And, uh. Are you feeling better? After your, you know—from last time.”

 

“I’m alright, thank you for asking,” Hyukjae sniffs, but he doesn’t look very thankful. “Although I’d like to point out that it’s not very polite to gossip about people’s shortcomings without their input.” Instead of looking offended, he just seems perplexed, as if not quite understanding why Donghae would suddenly care about him.

 

To be fair, Donghae doesn’t really understand it himself.

 

“Does it… happen often?” Donghae continues to ask and, goddamn it, but he doesn’t even know why. “It’s just, I mean. I was kind of surprised and, well—worried, too, I guess? You looked really, um, stressed.” He winces, realizing only too late that he’s probably being very rude, but can’t bring himself to stop. “Is there a reason why? Did something happen that day on top of your presentation and made you upset maybe?”

 

Hyukjae blinks. Then he flushes, but not in embarrassment—in outrage. “No,” he says sharply. “There’s no _reason_ ,” he utters the word with such a sarcastic tone that Donghae winces at it, “why I was stressed. Why, do you think I can only be stressed if something unordinary happens, or otherwise that wouldn’t be normal?”

 

“No, I—” Donghae stares at Hyukjae with wide, panicked eyes. He didn’t mean to offend him, he really didn’t, but it looks like he did anyway. Hyukjae is scowling at him hurtfully, and Donghae wants to hug his pain away and kick himself all at the same time. “I didn’t mean—”

 

“Because there _isn’t_ any reason in particular,” Hyukjae insists. He takes a deep breath, then settles down testily. “I’ve always been stressed about my academic performance.” A bitter smile tugs at his mouth. “But of course, I know what you’re thinking—what everybody’s thinking, and why you’re asking me these questions. Lee Hyukjae, the nerd, obsessed about his grades—if that’s how I normally am, then I’m weird. But if there was a special reason why I was like that, then it must explain it and I’m not _that_ weird. Right?”

Hyukjae looks away, like he can’t bear to look at Donghae right now. “I just _like_ studying,” he says with a soft voice, “and I like to have good grades, and that’s just it.”

 

“I really didn’t mean—” Donghae wants to say but stops. Guilt and shame floods him again, increased thrice-fold. He only meant to ask Hyukjae if he was fine, but he didn’t expect him to get so upset, and he hates that it’s because of him. It hurts him deep inside when he realizes that the reason why Hyukjae is reacting this way is probably because he’s already been the target of too many hurtful remarks, and Donghae couldn’t even defend him when he had the chance. “Never mind.”

Then, probably because he’s a glutton for punishment, he asks, “doesn’t it bother you when people say all this stuff about you?” 

 

Hyukjae stares at him as if he’s stupid. And maybe he is.

 

“ _Of course_ it bothers me,” he retorts. “But what do you expect me to do about it?”

He frowns at Donghae and slumps his shoulders defeatedly. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I do get anxious about my academic performance, and I do get very stressed sometimes. I’m not particularly proud of what happened last time you saw me. Maybe it means that I’m weird, I don’t know. And I hate that people talk behind my back. But it’s just who I am; I know I’m good at studying, and I like it, so I want to always do my best, and sometimes it means that I get too carried away.”

He shrugs uncomfortably and reaches out for a pen to fiddle with. Then he says with a plaintive, helpless whine, “what can I _do_ about it? It’s just who I _am_.”

 

For a moment, none of them say anything. Donghae feels a painful, awkward silence settle around them, and he knows that it’s his own fault. God, but he can be such a stupid asshole sometimes.

 

“I’m sorry,” Donghae whispers. “I—…” He pauses, at a loss for words. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re weird,” he says softly. At Hyukjae’s raised eyebrow, he adds, “uh, anymore.”

 

Hyukjae sighs long-sufferingly. “Sure,” he says halfheartedly, looking like he only half-believes him. Then, sighing, he adds reluctantly, “I should probably apologize as well; I realize that perhaps you didn’t actually mean to offend me with your questions, but I’ve been asked and teased so many times that I—” He stops himself and pinches his lips unhappily. “Anyway, I apologize.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Donghae hurries to reassure him. “ _Really_. I’m sorry I asked, I didn’t have any right. I only wanted to know if you’re okay because I was worried, that’s all.”

 

“Well, if you say so,” Hyukjae mumbles. But his mouth quirks up to one side and he glances at Donghae thankfully.

Hyukjae still looks a little uncomfortable, a little upset. Donghae can’t tell if it’s because of his tactless prying or because of his outburst, although he has a feeling that it’s a bit of both. He doesn’t seem resentful, however, and the small smile that he offers him is genuine, if slightly awkward.

“Now, if you’d be kind enough to stop asking all your questions and _focus_ , please. Honestly, Donghae,” Hyukjae sighs, “even my _dog_ has a better attention span than you.”

 

At that, Donghae looks up in surprise. “You have a dog?”

 

Hyukjae throws his hands in the air dramatically. “Ugh, _seriously_.”

 

Donghae grins weakly. He can tell that Hyukjae is trying to change the topic because he still feels embarrassed. He allows it reluctantly, but also with some relief.

 _You’re such an asshole_ , he tells himself, and not for the first time. It hurts a little to realize that he could be so awful to someone, when he usually prides himself in being kind, friendly and open. Yet with Hyukjae, he’s been nothing if rude and difficult so far. Of course Hyukjae can be that and much more, too, sometimes, but at least on his part it seems like it’s his normal personality. Donghae, on the other hand, has no such excuse, besides the fact that he didn’t like Hyukjae very much in the beginning and thought that he was a bit weird.

God, he thinks bitterly, _you really can be a horrible shit sometimes, huh?_

Fiercely, Donghae vows to himself to treat Hyukjae better from now on—and, who knows, maybe even like a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> donghae in the first section is literally so me, i love my friends and im always so scared that smth will happen and one day they'll hate me ?? i think probably its because its happened to me in the past so im like Scared it'll happen Again. hyukjae in the second section is also a bit me, not really about studying and stuff, but like he's just a Mood , you know? people not understanding you and stuff is always hard to live with :/ but he's such a strong boi, gosh , i love him, i love lee hyukjae, both in this thing and in real life
> 
> so yeah, another chapter! hope you enjoyed this ! i remember that the first scetion had been so easy to write, while the second one had been a Pain In The Ass. its kinda funny how my brain is sometimes so irregular in writing ? like sometimes i just write and write and write and im immedaitely satisfied with it, and sometimes i feel like its the biggest crap ever on earth and i just want to Cry , hahaha
> 
> also, the green, angry beast that comes to life inside donghae's belly every time he gets jealous is a reference to harry potter! you really have to squint to catch it lol, but basically in the sixth book, when harry starts to have his crush on ginny, he mentions that there's a green, angry beast that roars inside his stomach every time that he sees her dating other guys!! im more of a drarry fan myself but i just like the image and also its always a pro-tip if you can include harry potter and/or marvel in fics haha!
> 
> but anyway, donghae starts to feel something for hyukjae ! is it only sympathy ? or maybe friendship? maybe....something more ?
> 
> (im having a lot of fun with this fake next-chapter trailers lmao)


	5. Chapter 5

“Look,” Donghae grits through his teeth, “we can’t just add that many analyses into the paper. It’ll look like we couldn’t make our minds up and just pick one. And anyway we don’t have enough time for that.” 

 

His argument is met with a stubborn scowl. “If we would just—”

 

“ _Hyukjae_.” Donghae frowns sternly at him, earning an unhappy huff in return. He finds it mildly amusing—and rather exasperating, too—that Hyukjae still wouldn’t shut up about this, even though they already had so many similar arguments and he lost every single one of them. Hyukjae never seems to give up on anything—and to be perfectly honest, Donghae can’t help but secretly approve. He’s always found it attractive when people showed that they knew what they wanted. 

Not that he thinks Hyukjae is attractive or anything. _Obviously._

“I’m serious, we _can’t_ ,” Donghae insists firmly. Hyukjae might be stubborn, but he is, too. “Alright? I know you want to do your best and everything, but that’s just not possible. The deadline is coming up; we should focus on what we already have and move on.” 

 

Petulantly, Hyukjae slumps down in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, _I_ think that we’d be able to make it, if only we tried a little harder. It’s not _that_ much more work, you know?” 

 

Donghae rolls his eyes. “It _is_ that much more work if you want to analyze _every region_ in Korea.” He shifts a little in his armchair to get more comfortable. They decided to meet up in the patio again, and despite the many protests that Hyukjae makes every time, he suspects that he’s started to enjoy this place as well. “That’s just impossible with our resources and the little time that we have left, and you know it.” 

 

Hyukjae continues to sulk, muttering under his breath about ‘ _lazy_ ’ and ‘ _ugh_ ’ and ‘ _you’re so annoying_ ’. Donghae heartily shares that last sentiment. He rolls his eyes again, but this time it’s more out of habit rather than actual irritation.

Ever since he promised himself that he’d behave, Donghae has made considerable efforts to stop resenting Hyukjae so much for his odd antics and for basically every little thing that they somehow manage to disagree about on a daily basis. And trust him, there’s _a lot_. He doesn’t think that he’s ever bickered that much with a single individual in his life, _and_ he’s best friends with Heechul.

So, yeah. Hyukjae means a lot of work in general.

Donghae still thinks that he must be worth the trouble, and so he tries his best. It took him a few tries, between his genuine hope to become friends and his urge to strangle him on a daily basis, but he’s finally started to learn and appreciate Hyukjae for who he is. That must be worth at least something. Not acting like an asshole anymore also means that their study sessions are a lot more bearable. In fact, it’s almost _fun_ to verbally spar with Hyukjae—well, at least when he remembers to make his jibes only mildly insulting. Donghae does wish that they wouldn’t argue so much all the time, but he figures that it’s only wishful thinking when it comes to someone as opinionated and perfectionist as Hyukjae.

At least it never gets boring.  

 

“ _Ugh_ ,” Hyukjae continues to complain dramatically. “ _Of course_ I had to be partnered up with a lazy scobberlotcher like _him_.”

 

Donghae only snorts in his response. Hyukjae’s insults can be pretty entertaining, that’s for sure. He glances up from his laptop and finds Hyukjae glaring darkly at his shoes, as if expecting them to somehow sympathize with his chagrin. An amused smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, and Donghae hastily hides it by looking down at his screen.

Fuck him, but he might actually be _enjoying_ Hyukjae’s company. It really does pay to stop acting like an asshole all the time, he reflects sheepishly. Hyukjae is still difficult and prickly and a challenge—and a thousand other things as well, he suspects—, but now that Donghae knows that he doesn’t act this way just to spite him, he doesn’t mind quite so much. In fact, he finds it rather fun—sometimes almost _endearing_.

And isn’t _that_ a strange thought?

Donghae frowns down at his laptop, wondering where that came from exactly. Shaking his head bemusedly, he tries to focus and writes a few more sentences to his analysis. In front of him, Hyukjae is still sulking, although he’s opened his laptop as well and seems to be checking through his sections of the thesis.

As Donghae finishes another paragraph, someone pats him on the shoulder. He looks up and sees Kyuhyun dropping down in the empty seat next to him.

 

“Argh,” Kyuhyun groans.

 

“Hello to you too,” Donghae laughs at him. “Long day?”

 

Kyuhyun shakes his head wearily. “ _Horrible_ day. Every year I tell myself I’ll be fine for exams, and every year I prove myself wrong.” He sighs. Then he seems to notice Hyukjae sitting in front of them; he nods at him and smiles easily, “hi.”

 

“Hmm, hello,” Hyukjae replies distractedly. He barely looks up from his laptop.

 

Kyuhyun snorts and ducks his head down to hide an amused smile—quite a lot like Donghae did just a few minutes earlier.

For some reason, the similarity in their reactions to Hyukjae’s prickliness makes Donghae feel irrationally annoyed. He scowls. Inside his belly, the irate beast wakes up once again, growling and snarling and pacing around in agitation. It rumbles warningly at the way that Kyuhyun looks at Hyukjae with amused eyes.

But that’s stupid, Donghae thinks panickedly. Kyuhyun is his _best friend_.

It doesn’t make _any sense_.

The beast gnaws its sharp teeth along Donghae’s insides, and for a short moment, he worries that he’s going to be sick. He briefly rests a hand over his stomach. Maybe he ate something for lunch that he shouldn’t have, he thinks without much conviction.

Later, Donghae will take the time to try and understand exactly what this turmoil of hostility towards his own best friend means. For now, though, he can only settle on glaring suspiciously at Kyuhyun and Hyukjae.

 

Apparently unaware of Donghae’s urge for violence, Kyuhyun leans over his shoulder to peer at his laptop screen. “Mini-thesis?” he guesses knowingly. Quickly skimming through Donghae’s notes, he grimaces in sympathy. “Good luck with that, guys. Changmin and I are also working on it and it’s driving us literally crazy.”

 

“It’s, uh, fine.” Trying to convince himself that it wouldn’t do to harm his best friend, Donghae shrugs awkwardly. “We’re still disagreeing on a couple of things, but it’s going alright.”

 

In front of them, Hyukjae releases a disbelieving scoff.

 

Donghae grins at him wryly. “Got something to say?” he challenges with a playful voice; Hyukjae shoots him a dark look but doesn’t say anything. “I thought so,” he says, although not unkindly.

It’s not often that Donghae gets to win not only one, but _two_ arguments against Hyukjae, and in the same day no less. He can’t help but feel a bit smug about it.

 

That is, until Kyuhyun throws him a bewildered, questioning look. Confused, Donghae stiffens instinctively.

 

“Uh, what?” he mumbles uncomfortably. When Kyuhyun doesn’t immediately answer and continues to stare at him inquisitively, he fidgets awkwardly in his seat.

 

“Nothing,” Kyuhyun says finally after a while. His voice is low and prudent, as if Donghae was a dangerous, jittery beast that he didn’t want to tick off. He glances between Donghae and Hyukjae with raised eyebrows and a familiar air of ‘ _I know something that you don’t, but I won’t say because I’m incredibly annoying and I like to see you suffer_ ’. 

“Right,” Kyuhyun clears his throat, frowning pensively. “That’s, um.” For a second he looks at loss of words, as though he forgot what they were talking about in the first place. Donghae would relate, if he wasn’t suddenly feeling inexplicably nervous. “That’s great.” 

 

This is a clear attempt at dismissing the topic altogether; Donghae won’t have any of it.

 

“ _What_ is it?” he demands to know. At the forceful sound of his voice, Hyukjae looks up from his laptop and watches them in interest, the nosy bastard. “ _Tell_ me.” 

 

“It’s _nothing_ ,” his friend insists. Swatting Donghae’s hand away when he tries to reach out and pinch his ear, Kyuhyun sends another cautious glance towards Hyukjae. Donghae feels his bizarre nervousness climb up a few additional notches while the beast inside him grunts unhappily. 

“ _Really_ ,” Kyuhyun says. “I’ll tell you later, alright?”  

 

That’s a lie, and they both know it. 

 

Donghae narrows his eyes suspiciously at Kyuhyun, trying to force him into talking with the sole power of his glare. When he’s only met with stubborn silence and a carefully blank expression, he reluctantly decides to drop it. Kyuhyun can be pretty pigheaded as well when he wants to, and Donghae would rather not bicker with him in front of an audience. 

“ _Fine_ ,” he grumbles. Childishly, he folds his arms over his chest—that is, until his laptop almost falls off his lap. “Shit,” he curses under his breath just as he scrambles to catch it. 

 

The corner of Kyuhyun’s mouth twitches slightly, as if he was trying to hold back a snicker. Donghae wants to hit him. Hyukjae, on the other hand, looks rather disappointed at the lack of action—was he expecting them to throw punches or something?—and reluctantly goes back to working. 

 

“Anyway,” Kyuhyun says with a too-bright voice, clearly changing topics, “it’s Christmas break soon, you know.” 

 

“Is it?” Donghae retorts dryly. And then, “wait, _is_ it?” 

 

Above his laptop, Hyukjae sends him a flat, unimpressed look.

 

Apparently sharing the same sentiment, Kyuhyun rolls his eyes. “Yeah, it _is_ , idiot. In a couple of weeks, in fact.” Propping his elbow on his armrest, he rests his chin in his palm. “I think Sooyoung is having a party at her house; are you going?” 

 

“Eh,” Donghae frowns, shrugging. “I don’t know yet; it depends when it is. I might have dinner with my mom and my brother on the 24th.”

 

Kyuhyun snorts as he slumps down into his seat, closing his eyes. Lazily, he comments, “I still think it’s funny that you pushed a Christmas tradition on your family when it’s actually a western thing. Most people just use that as an excuse to go party, you know.” 

 

“Yeah, well, no one asked for your opinion,” Donghae retorts. So what, he’s always liked Christmas—is that a fucking crime, now? “So you can kindly shut up.” 

 

“Touchy.” Snickering, Kyuhyun opens one eye and turns towards Hyukjae. “What about you, Hyukjae?” he asks. “Anything planned for the vacations?” 

 

Hyukjae blinks at them, then frowns. He tilts his head in thought, looking confused, as if not quite understanding why they could care. “Not really,” he replies slowly. Donghae feels his chest tighten just a bit at the uncertain look in his eyes, itching to reach out and reassure him that, yes, he does care. “I will probably stay at home and study a bit. I don’t really care much for Christmas.”

 

“Wait,” Donghae frowns, appalled. “ _Studying_? For _Christmas_? That’s just—…” He stops himself before he can say out loud what he really thinks it is, which is ‘ _pathetic_ ’. “I mean, uh. Surely you could take a break, no? Do something else?”

 

Not even bothering to look up from his laptop, Hyukjae dryly replies, “I believe we already had that conversation.”

 

_Ah, right_. Donghae winces in mortification. _Shit_. Studying isn’t that much of a chore for Hyukjae; he’s made that pretty clear last time. “Uh, right.” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Then, I mean, uh. Maybe you could go to a party?” 

 

Hyukjae releases a long, pained sigh. “Yes, of course, Donghae,” he says, with such a sweet tone that Donghae just knows that he’s somehow screwed up again, “and which party shall I go to, exactly? The one that I have yet to be invited to, or the imaginary one that Santa Claus will hold in the North Pole?” 

He closes his laptop with a sharp move that startles Donghae, then reaches for a book in his backpack. “Now stop asking me these stupid questions; I am _studying_.” 

 

Kyuhyun and Donghae share an uncomfortable look. 

 

“Well, that’s awkward,” Kyuhyun mumbles under his breath, softly enough that Hyukjae doesn’t hear him. 

 

Donghae only grimaces in response. Once again, he’s struck with his ability to put his foot in his mouth. 

And yet, if he has to be perfectly honest, Donghae isn’t quite surprised with Hyukjae’s sarcastic words. Based on that same conversation that Hyukjae mentioned, he has a hunch that he doesn’t have that many friends. If he’s as lonely as Donghae suspects, then it probably explains why he enjoys people talking to him so much. That thought makes him fidget uncomfortably. 

“Right,” Donghae clears his throat. 

He tries hard to remember if he’s ever seen Hyukjae at one of the many university parties that he often attends, or if at least Hyukjae has already been invited to one. His mind comes up blank. 

“Right.” 

 

*

 

Donghae blinks in bemusement as his best friends stand in a stern half-circle in front of him. Kyuhyun and Siwon are staring at him with a serious, ‘ _we need to talk_ ’ expression that’s mildly intimidating. Heechul, on the other hand, mostly looks uncomfortable and fidgety, which hints that feelings are probably going to be discussed at some point. 

Donghae wants to roll his eyes. He has to wonder—and not for the first time—why his best friends seem to think that he’s a twelve-year-old that needs talking to. It’s rather touching that they try to look after him, it really is—except that he’s not actually a teenager and that he does know how to take care of himself, mostly. It’s not like he needs someone to hold his hand at all time or anything. What’s even more annoying is that he’s not even the youngest of them; _Kyuhyun_ is, and they never act like _he’s_ a kid, do they? 

Feeling sulky, Donghae folds his arms on his chest. He stares back at his friends defiantly. 

 

“Donghae,” Siwon starts with a decisive tone, “we thought we’d—”

 

“ _Don’t_ drag me into this,” Heechul cuts him off and sends him a petulant glare. “I just wanted to go and grab a snack, alright? _You’re_ the one who decided that we needed to ‘ _talk_ ’.”

 

“ _We_ —” Siwon continues as if he hadn’t been interrupted, “—thought we’d talk to you because it’s kind of important.” 

 

Donghae does roll his eyes this time. “Oh _wow_ , really? It’s not like this whole council meeting situation didn’t clue me in or anything.”

 

“Shut up,” Kyuhyun says, but he looks like he’s trying to hide a smile, and Donghae knows that he approves of his snark. “We really just do want to talk.” 

 

“Ah.” Donghae grimaces slightly. He wouldn’t exactly say that he hates it when his friends team up to give him a speech on the way that he should live his life, but he does dislike it rather intensely. Their lectures are often too-long, too-boring and frustratingly patronizing. With all the homework and exams that university dumped on them right before Christmas vacations, he’s just not in the mood for it. 

“Right,” Donghae clears his throat as his mind races to find a plausible excuse so that he can run away. “Not to be rude, really, but uh—” 

 

With perfect timing, a familiar voice then shouts his name from across the university hallway. 

 

“Donghae!” Hyukjae exclaims excitedly, smiling wide and looking flushed from excitement. A few people glance at him curiously as he runs to Donghae, but he doesn’t notice them; all of his energy seems to be focused on reaching Donghae and telling him about the good news that he looks so eager to share.

 

The look of pure excitement in Hyukjae’s eyes makes something warm and prickly unfurl at the bottom of Donghae’s stomach. He feels it spread through him, slow and pulsing, in an odd sensation that sends him off-kilter. He gulps. Then Hyukjae calls his name again, a loud and bright “ _Donghae!_ ” that he hears with every part of his body—and suddenly he feels like he’s burning. It’s as if Hyukjae is the matchstick that ignited his fire, and no one else but him has the power to turn it off. 

For some reason that he doesn’t dare think too much about, Donghae can’t take his eyes off Hyukjae. He watches him come closer and closer, and with each step that Hyukjae takes, the pulsing and prickly something within him burns hotter and hotter. It’s weird and confusing, and he’d very much like to know what’s happening, but also he’d rather _not_ know what’s happening. And _that’s_ even more confusing, isn’t it? _Ugh_. 

Somewhere at the periphery of his vision, Donghae catches Kyuhyun’s eyes. His friend glances at Hyukjae, then sends him a loaded sidelong stare that prompts Donghae to stiffen uncomfortably.  

 

When Hyukjae finally reaches him, his whole body is almost vibrating with excitement. “You wouldn’t _believe_ what—oh.” He stops abruptly when he notices Donghae’s friends staring at him. Suddenly looking unsure, he shuffles closer to Donghae and gives them a wary look. “Am I perhaps interrupting something?” 

 

“Uh.” Donghae shakes himself mentally. It’s not the time to get distracted about this weird bubble of warmth that keeps growing within him whenever Hyukjae is around. His priority at the moment is to get away from his friends and their patronizing lecture; this might just be the perfect opportunity to do so. 

Donghae offers Hyukjae a tentative smile, which earns him a perplexed look in return. “No, not all.” His hands are oddly clammy, and he tells himself that it’s only because it’s a bit too warm inside. “You’re not interrupting anything. What did you want to tell me?” 

 

“Are you quite sure?” Hyukjae says with a frown, looking unconvinced, before glancing again at Donghae’s friends. Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow before sighing out in exasperation, while Siwon just shakes his head helplessly. “Only you looked like you were in the middle of a conversation.” 

 

“Nah, it’s fine, really,” Donghae shrugs, ignoring his friends. He grabs Hyukjae’s elbow and gently pulls him along. “Let’s just, uh, go and talk somewhere else, yeah?” 

 

“Wait, we really _were_ having a talk,” Siwon exclaims after him, gesticulating wildly, just as Kyuhyun shouts, “don’t think you’re getting out of this so easily, you fucking coward! Come back here and face it like a man!” 

 

Donghae rolls his eyes and flips them the finger over his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles under his breath, “whatever.” 

His other hand is still wrapped around Hyukjae’s elbow. A slight flush colors his face when he realizes it. Clearing his throat, he hastily lets go as if he’s been burnt, and then shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. 

 

Hyukjae throws him a puzzled glance. “You’re acting very strange,” he advises, looking quite unimpressed as Donghae leads them out of university grounds. He doesn’t protest much, however, following along obligingly. 

“But _anyway_!” Hyukjae then exclaims, his excitement renewed two-fold, but he also sounds a little accusing, as if it’s all Donghae’s fault that he got sidetracked. 

 

Donghae wants to roll his eyes—but he almost smiles, too, because that’s so _Hyukjae_ , isn’t it? Biting down on a half-amused, half-exasperated grin, he waits for Hyukjae to continue. 

 

“Do you remember the presentation that I had to make last time? The one on the garbage can model?” At Donghae’s affirmative nod, he beams excitedly. “Well! We got the results, and I got the best grade of my class!” 

 

“Oh, _shit_!” Donghae shouts happily. Without thinking, he pulls Hyukjae into a quick hug. “That’s _awesome_!” Hyukjae is a warm, comforting weight in his arms; he smells pleasantly fresh and lemony. Donghae squeezes hard before letting go almost reluctantly. “Of course you’d get the best grade, you idiot! Congrats!” 

 

“Thank you,” Hyukjae says, preening happily. “The teacher said that I did really good research and that my slides were concise. I’m a bit proud, I have to admit.” 

 

“Of course you can be proud,” Donghae laughs. An odd urge to reach out for Hyukjae again forces him to shove his hands into his pockets and twist his fingers into the fabric. He’s rather worried that he’ll find himself hugging him again. “Good job, Hyukjae.” 

 

They’ve reached the main avenue now, just outside of campus, where dozens of little shops and restaurants try to attract students and customers. Almost of all the shop windows have already redecorated for the holiday season. Shiny little baubles are hung up everywhere, red and green and golden and so many other colors, while twinkling tinsels of lights brighten up the streets. 

Donghae smiles to himself. It hasn’t started to snow yet, but it won’t be long until it does, he can feel it, and when it does, there’s no doubt that the neighborhood will look beautiful. He’s always loved Christmas holidays. There’s just something about exchanging presents and making new year’s resolutions that make everything seem so much warmer and brighter, even when winter gets cold and bleak. 

This time as well, Donghae feels hopeful to end the year and start the new one happily. He’ll probably spend Christmas eve with his family, he thinks, and then go to a friend’s party on the 25th. And maybe—if things go well and he can drag him away from his books for long enough, if he says yes—he’ll invite Hyukjae to go along. 

A skeptical voice at the back of his mind wonders how he’s planning to invite anyone—least of all Hyukjae—when he still hasn’t had the courage to sort out his feelings. Donghae thinks that some part of him knows already, knows exactly what’s going on in that messed up head of his, but he’s still ignoring it stubbornly. It’s easier, he tells himself, but really he’s just scared. Even thinking about it makes him feel vaguely nauseous; he grimaces.  

 

“Let’s get a drink,” he decides after a few more minutes of walking in silence. 

 

“A _drink_?” Hyukjae gasps scandalously, staring at Donghae as if he’s gone crazy. “Now? It’s barely four in the afternoon!” 

 

“I meant a coffee or something,” Donghae rolls his eyes. He points to a little coffee shop that’s at the corner of an adjacent street; it’s crowded with students that he vaguely recognizes from classes, and when the door opens briefly, a delicious smell of hot chocolate and roasted coffee beans teases his nostrils. “I’ll buy you one to congratulate you.” 

 

“Oh.” Hyukjae blinks, placated, and cranes his neck up to look into the shop curiously. Then he grins happily. “Well, then, I guess it’s alright.” 

 

Rolling his eyes, Donghae retorts dryly, “yeah, I’m sure.” He playfully nudges Hyukjae with his elbow, earning a mildly irritated look. “Though I’m curious to know what you really think of me, if the first thing that came to your mind was that I’m an alcoholic.” 

 

“Well,” Hyukjae says, sounding playful and mischievous and teasing. “I wouldn’t use that word exactly.” 

 

Donghae barks out a laugh. “You’re an asshole.” 

 

While bickering, they finally reach the coffee shop. They walk in together and almost immediately, comfortable warmth wraps itself around them like a tight hug. A long shiver then finishes to chase away the last remnants of the cold outside; it pushes Donghae to crave for something hot and sweet to drink. It smells wonderfully like coffee and chocolate around here, making him sigh in anticipation. He can’t wait to settle in one of those cozy armchairs by the windows, sipping on a nice hot chocolate. 

They’ve barely made it inside, however, that Hyukjae is already gasping in horror. 

 

“Oh _no_ —it’s _her_.” He turns to Donghae with wide, panicked eyes while his features are pulled down into an alarmed frown. Confused, Donghae opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong, but Hyukjae hushes him sharply. “She’ll _hear_ you.” 

 

Donghae holds back an irritated retort. “But _who_?” 

 

“ _Shhh_ ,” Hyukjae reprimands him again. Then he hisses dramatically, “ _Yoona_.” 

 

“Uh, what about her?” He’s really not following this conversation as well as he’d like. Perplexed, he looks up, and indeed Yoona—a law student that he’s met a couple of times at the library; they’re friendly but not much more than that—is there, standing behind the main counter where she’s serving drinks to customers. That still doesn’t quite tell him what the problem is. 

“Well, that’s.” Unsure what to say, he pauses. “I didn’t know she worked here.” 

 

Growing more and more annoyed and impatient, Hyukjae pinches Donghae’s arm insistently. “Ugh, who _cares_ ,” he snaps as he tries—and fails—to drag Donghae out of the coffee shop. “Let’s just _go_. I don’t want to talk to her.” 

 

Donghae frowns harder. _Ugh_ , he thinks bitterly. His chest tightens with irritation and this time around, he’s man enough to acknowledge that he doesn’t like that Yoona, too, seems to know Hyukjae. It’s like he’s some kind of university celebrity that everyone wants to befriend, and _damn_ it, but it’s so _annoying_. Donghae kind of really can’t stand that Hyukjae gets so much attention, probably for the same reason why he feels so nervous around Hyukjae lately—a reason that’s becoming more and more obvious, even to him, whether he likes it or not. It’s weird and unsettling, and he still has half a mind to pack up all of these weird feelings into a box, shove it into a drawer and ignore it for the rest of eternity. 

Some part of him reasons that he should be used to it by now; to this frustration-irritation-jealousy that makes his stomach turn and twist uncomfortably. But then he’s never claimed to be particularly good at following logic, has he? Already the beast has started to pace around inside his belly. It roars menacingly, an angry, jealous, huge thing that wants to yell at all of these people to back off from Hyukjae. 

Donghae opens his mouth, although he has no clue what he wants to say, when he sees Hyukjae’s face. And _fuck_ —but he looks _terrified_. 

 

“Hey, hey,” Donghae says softly. All of the fight evaporates from his body as he rests a hand on Hyukjae’s shoulder and squeezes gently. “Hey, it’s okay, Hyukjae. It’s going to be alright.” 

Donghae glances at Yoona warily; she’s still attending to a couple of customers and doesn’t seem to have noticed them yet. At first glance, she just looks like a normal student working a part-time job for extra money; a pretty and cheerful woman that most people can’t help but find likeable. No matter from which angle Donghae looks at her, she doesn’t really look like the type who’d hurt anymore. 

But Hyukjae looks genuinely scared—and it makes Donghae’s blood turn cold—his fists curl in anger—that someone could do that to him. 

Donghae doesn’t know what happened between them, but he swears that he’ll get to the bottom of this. If Hyukjae won’t tell him then he’ll get the story from Yoona. He turns back to Hyukjae with a reassuring grin. “Look, you can go over there and sit down while I order drinks, alright? Then we’ll go somewhere else if you want.” 

 

Hyukjae looks conflicted and ready to argue, until he looks up. Their eyes meet for the briefest moment; Donghae has no idea what Hyukjae sees, but he relaxes, even if only slightly. 

 

“I—okay.” He hesitantly lets Donghae go. “But _please_ do hurry up.” 

 

After making Donghae promise several times and in no uncertain terms that he’d be back in less than twenty minutes, Hyukjae reluctantly agrees to sit down at a vacant table by the windows. Meanwhile, Donghae goes to wait in line. About half a dozen people are already in the queue so it takes a few minutes before it’s his turn. When he eventually reaches the main counter, Yoona is busy sorting through the cash register. She hums a distracted greeting as she continues to focus on counting a handful of bills and coins, then looks up at him. Recognition flashes across her eyes. 

 

“Oh, hi!” she beams at him. “Donghae, how are you? It’s been a while!”

 

“Hi. I’ve been good, I guess.” Donghae smiles awkwardly. “Two hot chocolates please.” After Yoona accepts his money and starts his orders, he props his elbows on the sticky surface of the counter. Leaning forward slightly, he watches her prepare his drinks in mild interest. 

“Hey, uh, so,” he clears his throat after a while. “You remember Hyukjae, right?” 

 

Yoona sends him a curious glance. “Yes, of course. Why?”

 

“I, uh, came with him today, and he looks like he doesn’t really feel comfortable around you.” Some part of Donghae realizes that he probably shouldn’t act so menacing—almost like a protective boyfriend or something, for fuck’s sake—and he wants to slap himself for it. The thing is, he also _really_ wants to _know_. “Did something happen between the two of you?” 

 

“Oh, Hyukjae’s here?” Yoona cranes her neck to try and catch a glimpse of Hyukjae among the coffee shop’s crowd. Instinctively, Donghae shifts a bit to the side so that she won’t find him. “Well, Hyukjae probably still feels embarrassed or something. He should know that I don’t mind anymore; actually, I’ve never really minded.” 

 

Donghae raises an eyebrow, waiting for some kind of explanation as Yoona finishes his first drink. When she doesn’t give him one, instead reaching for another cup to prepare the second drink, he rolls his eyes in exasperation. “What do you mean?” 

 

“Because I asked him out,” she shrugs. 

 

Wait, _what_? 

 

“Hold on, _what_?” Donghae stares at Yoona incredulously. Suddenly it feels hard to breathe. His heart starts to beat so fast against his ribcage that it almost hurts; all of his blood seems to rush to his face, making him dizzy. He’s so shocked that even the green, jealous beast inside his belly doesn’t know how to react. It just stays still, as if turned into a statue, upset and horrified—maybe even scared. “You guys used to _date_?!” 

 

Yoona laughs loudly. “No! Of course not! I asked him out and he refused.” 

 

Intense relief washes over Donghae. It hits him so hard and fast that he’s left feeling breathless and vaguely nauseous. 

 

“I think he just feels sorry about it,” Yoona continues. “Now every time we see each other, he just runs the other way; he’s probably just embarrassed.” 

 

Donghae eyes her skeptically. “He looks like he’s scared,” he retorts, and he can’t help but sound accusing. 

 

“Yeah, he’s a bit like that, isn’t he?” Yoona says, as if it explains anything. “You kind of have to interpret him, right? I remember I told him that he was a good friend once, and he just stared at me, and then gave me his cookies; he said it was for his lunch but he was giving them to me instead.” She shakes her head fondly. “You sort of have to guess that it means thank you, you know?” 

 

Well, it kind of makes sense. But Donghae’s reluctant to agree with someone who tried to date Hyukjae, so he only hums noncommittedly. Inside him, the jealous beast has doubled in size; it growls and snarls and screams, working steadily at eating him away for his revenge. Probably because he’s a glutton for punishment, Donghae then asks Yoona, “so you used to like him?” 

 

“Well, yeah,” Yoona admits shyly. A light blush colors her face and it annoys him more than he’d like to admit. “He’s cute.” 

 

Instinctively, Donghae turns around to look, as does Yoona. 

Hyukjae sits stiffly in his armchair, at one of the tables by the large windows. He’s half-hidden behind an open book— _Critique of Political Economy_ , Donghae reads disbelievingly—, trying and mostly failing to watch them discreetly. It’s not quite working in his favor mostly because his eyes and the tip of his nose can still be seen over the edge of his book. It’s oddly endearing, adorable in its own strange way, and Donghae can’t help but grin a little. Hyukjae’s face is slightly flushed, as if embarrassed about spying on them, and it nicely highlights the few features that aren’t hidden by his book. Some of his dark hair falls messily across his forehead and just above his inquisitive, sharp eyes. Behind him, the dying light of the afternoon—a dark, warm orange-red—makes him look sharper and softer all at the same time. 

In that brief second, Hyukjae looks ridiculously attractive. 

Then he catches Donghae and Yoona staring at him. With a dramatic gasp, he scrambles to hide behind his book completely. Donghae snorts, feeling amused and exasperated and fond, and so many other things. 

 

“See?” Yoona winks at Donghae as she hands him his orders. “Cute, right?” 

 

Even as Donghae makes his way back to their table, Hyukjae stays hidden behind his book. He holds it defensively in front of him, as if it might protect him from Yoona and her evil intents. 

 

“Well?” he whispers loudly when Donghae joins him. “Did she _say_ anything?” 

 

Donghae doesn’t reply. Instead, he observes Hyukjae quietly and wonders, _cute, huh?_

Hyukjae blinks, perplexed by his silence, then tilts his head to the side questioningly. His eyebrows are furrowed into a small frown that Donghae wants to poke. His lips are red and a bit swollen from all the nervous nibbling that he inflicted on them, and he has the odd, terrible urge to run his fingers along the moist seam of his mouth. 

Donghae thinks, well. Maybe just a little bit cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "maybe just a little bit cute" oh no donghae, you're so cute too :/ hyukjae just happens to be the cutest. fun fact, the section with yoona was planned right from the beginning when i was still planning out the fic's overall plot. i was discussing with my bestie munia and she was like OH GOD DO IT and yea i had to do it, so if you get to read this story now its really all thanks to her (and thanks to em and belinda hehehe)
> 
> so donghae thinks that hyukjae's cute now... i just Wonder where their relationship is Going ?!
> 
> please remember to upvote and comment hohoho i love you all, thanks for reading and always being here ;; i hope you enjoyed !


	6. Chapter 6

Donghae throws himself into the nearest armchair that he can find and releases a long groan. He feels exhausted to the bone, as if a truck rolled over him and left him for dead on the side of the road. His head hurts something fierce, a dull and constant ache that’s pushing painfully against his temples, while his eyes feel dry and sore. Running a hand through his hair, Donghae slumps down wearily into his seat.

The patio is unusually quiet for a weekday at noon. Donghae isn’t too surprised; most of the students are trying to finish some last-minute revising, looking as worn and stressed out as he feels. Midterms kicked off just a bit over a week ago, starting with exams for the law department, while the second week has been dedicated to economics and management majors. Just like every year, the exam period feels like hell; their only consolation is that Christmas vacations start right afterward.

Donghae just finished his third midterm exam, which is nice and everything, but then he still has five more to go through before the end of the week. Just thinking about it intensifies his headache. Groaning, he buries his face into his hands. He’d like to say that he’d been clever enough to start revising early, but really that’d be an outrageous lie, and now he has to find a way to cram four months of material into his brain before his next exam. And then there’s also the mini-thesis to think about, _damn it_. Although technically it’s only for late February, Donghae reasons, so it’s probably alright if he ignores it for now. Hyukjae would undoubtedly disagree with him, but then _he’s_ probably sailing through all of these exams, isn’t he?

They haven’t met up since midterms started, although Donghae caught brief glimpses of Hyukjae in the hallways as they both rushed to their next exam. He’d wanted to say hi each time he saw him, maybe ask him if he did good so far and give him a word of encouragement, but he never found the opportunity—and anyway he doesn’t even know if he’d have been welcome. The thought makes him feel rather depressed. Still, he wonders if Hyukjae is very stressed, too, and if he’s handling it well. If he’s alright.

Donghae sighs loudly, just as Heechul drops down in the chair next to him. He pats his friend’s shoulder sympathetically.

 

“Alright?” Donghae asks halfheartedly.

 

“Who _cares_ ,” Heechul retorts. “I just want this to be _over_.”

 

Donghae can relate to that sentiment. “Yeah,” he mumbles tiredly as he entertains the idea of a quick power nap. “Where are the others?”

 

“No idea. It’s almost lunchbreak though; they shouldn’t be long.” Heechul shrugs, closing his eyes and stretching his legs in front of him; he looks ready to fall asleep.

 

Donghae is about ready to follow his lead, shifting in his seat to get more comfortable and sighing softly, when Heechul says, “they still want to talk to you, you know.”

 

“Uh, what about?” Donghae asks politely as he thinks, _ugh no_. If even Heechul is getting involved, then he’s practically assured that the conversation that his friends seem so determined to have isn’t going to be pleasant. He already has a rough idea of what it might be about—and frankly, he’d rather deal with it in his own time, which is preferably _not now_. Maybe if he plays dumb for long enough then Heechul will just drop the topic and leave him alone, Donghae hopes halfheartedly.

 

Heechul glares at him, clearly seeing through his defection attempt, then crosses his arms over his chest. “ _Look_ ,” he grumbles darkly. “I really don’t want to talk about this either, alright? But Kyuhyun and Siwon can’t seem to be able to talk about anything else lately, and it’s fucking _annoying_. So _you_ ,” he snaps as he stabs a menacing finger in Donghae’s direction, “are going to listen to what I have to say, and then you’re going to _sort it out_ so I don’t have to listen to it anymore. Understood?”

 

Gulping, Donghae nods frantically. He doesn’t want to say that he’s scared of Heechul, but really he kind of _is_ ; many a stronger man than him has quailed at his friend’s anger over the years. He’s too young to _die_.

 

“I talked with Kyuhyun and Siwon,” Heechul resumes talking and then pauses. He grimaces. “Well, they talked at me and I had no choice but to listen.” Yeah, they’re a bit like that, aren’t they, Donghae thinks sympathetically. “You know, about Hyukjae.”

 

This time, it’s Donghae’s turn to grimace, and he fidgets uneasily in his seat. Even if he was fully expecting it, he still feels an uncontrollable urge to run away as fast as it’s humanly possible at the mention of Hyukjae. He shoves his hands under his thighs to stifle his nervousness. 

 

Heechul shrugs reluctantly, looking just as uncomfortable. “You know I don’t really give a fuck, right, but maybe the whole thing where you look like you want to stab people’s eyes whenever they mention Hyukjae is getting a bit out of hand.”

 

“I don’t—” Donghae breaks off reluctantly at Heechul’s flat look. “It’s not so bad now. It’s just weird that he’s friends with all of these people when he’s so—you know, _him_.”

 

Heechul snickers. “Yeah, I know what you mean. But then, you could probably say the same thing about me, right?” He rolls his eyes sarcastically. “I’m not exactly easy to deal with either.”

 

“Well yeah, but that’s—” _Different_ , is what Donghae wants to say, but is it really?

Heechul might be one of his best friends—kind-hearted, funny, always ready to help, loyal to the core—but he’s also incredibly difficult. He’s eccentric, fickle, blunt, loud, sometimes even hurtful, with an ego that’s bigger than universe itself; and so many other things that Donghae mostly tolerates on the best of days. On worse ones, well. Let’s just say that he’s glad that Kyuhyun and Siwon are also there to even things out.

In the end it’s all worth it, and Donghae wouldn’t want Heechul to change for anything in the world—but it’s true that getting to know each other as well as they do now had been a long, tortuous process. They’d get annoyed and angry at each other; they’d yell, shout, cry. Sometimes it still happens even now.

So no, it’s not really that different, is it?

Hyukjae can be frustratingly difficult sometimes—but so is Heechul, and most of the time it’s not as cute or entertaining. Donghae gulps uneasily.

 

Heechul watches him knowingly. “I think what you need to figure out is, are you mad that people talk to Hyukjae, or that Hyukjae talks to people?”

 

“You’re not making any sense,” Donghae retorts, except that he _does_.

Hyukjae might know a lot of people, but Heechul knows even more, so much more, and Donghae never got that jealous about it. And Heechul is one of the handsomest guys that he knows, but he’s never been attracted to him, has he?

In fact, Donghae doesn’t think he’s ever been as attracted to anyone as he is to Hyukjae.

 

*

 

The thing is, Donghae already _knows_ all of this. It’s just that he doesn’t want to have to think about it. His friends might think that he’s too dense to realize what’s happening—and maybe he is a little bit sometimes—but _this_ —this odd, confusing not-relationship between he and Hyukjae—has been unfolding for months now. Even _he’s_ not thick enough not to notice what’s been going on.

What Donghae really is, is in denial.

On some level, Donghae isn’t entirely lying when he says that he’s envious of Hyukjae’s ability to attract people. It’s painfully annoying to see it happen, when he feels like he has to struggle every step of the way to keep his own friends close. His efforts look futile and meaningless in comparison. Some part of him believes fiercely that no one who truly matters—like his best friends, or even Yunho—would ever hurt him on purpose. Yet there’s still an irrational, unconfident little voice at the back of his mind that’s constantly scared that it might happen someday. He hates that Hyukjae makes it look so easy to get close to people.

Donghae also really hates the way that those same people look at Hyukjae. They act all chummy buddies around him, as if they’ve known each other forever, and, _ugh_. It’s annoying, and frustrating, and _annoying_ —because yes, it does bear repeating—and do they really have to look at Hyukjae so fondly anyway? Donghae would really appreciate it if it could _stop_.

What’s more, Hyukjae isn’t even really his type in the first place. To start with, his personality is too uptight for someone who’s as easy-going as Donghae. And then he’s also haughty and sarcastic, always ready with a quick, sharp reply. It’s not that Donghae doesn’t appreciate wittiness and good banter in his partners, because he does, but it often feels like he can’t keep up with Hyukjae. He sometimes feels left behind and it frustrates him.

But Hyukjae is also so many amazing things. Despite his wary glares and his snappish retorts, he’s a kind-hearted, earnest and genuine individual. He’s incredibly hardworking, too—so eager to hear that he did well, that he’s doing great. When he doesn’t and that his confidence shatters, he reveals a fragile, vulnerable side of himself that’s heart-breaking. He’s odd and adorable when least expected, and he makes Donghae laugh like no other. He’s _beautiful_.

It’s all of those little things that makes Hyukjae who he is—and Donghae finds him so very fascinating. It doesn’t quite hurt either that his lips are so full and pink and delicious-looking, and yes, _maybe_ he’s a bit obsessed with them.

Hyukjae challenges him and makes him warm inside in a way that even Yunho hadn’t managed, back when they’d been dating. It’s as if he ignites fire within Donghae. It starts somewhere inside his belly and then unfurls slowly through him, bright and pulsing, chasing away the angry beast.

It’s an amazing feeling, addictive and breath-taking all in itself—but it’s also terrifying.

Part of the reason why Donghae is so quick to turn a blind eye on this mass of feelings in his chest, is because he has no idea where it’ll lead him to. Hyukjae is a paradox wrapped in an oxymoron, smothered in contradictions, and there’s no telling how he’ll react if Donghae starts to show interest. Flirtatious compliments would only earn him suspicious glares, Donghae suspects, and gifts that he might want to give him would be categorically rejected. He really doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go about seducing someone as complex as Hyukjae.

But it’s part of what makes him so worth it, isn’t it? It’s why he likes Hyukjae so much—why he _wants_ him so much, Donghae realizes with a start. Who cares if he doesn’t know what to do? At least he’ll have tried.

Something tightens almost painfully inside his chest, then unclenches slowly. Suddenly it’s so much easier to breathe. The beast inside his belly purrs in satisfaction. _Yeah_ , Donghae agrees with it, relieved, because it was this easy all along, wasn’t it?

If he wants Hyukjae so bad, then he’ll just have to go and get him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i know that this chapter is much shorter than the previous ones, and so to make it up i'm posting this one early and i'll update with another chapter on saturday as usual! i hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! im also thinking about posting more regularly, like every wednesday and saturday? how would that sound? im not really sure tbh
> 
> also i'd like to thank all of the lovely readers who left comments on this fic! i haven't had time to reply yet but i will soon! lots of love to you guys hehe
> 
> also i feel donghae's exhaustion so bad ? exams are the worst thing ever. i love donghae's friends, they're the best besties in the whole world, donghae loves them so much cries :(
> 
> and oh my god !!!!!!!! donghae likes hyukjae ??,, i never.....Expected this.... im so shook....whatever will happen now ? ?
> 
> please remember to upvote and comment, thank you, i love you all!


	7. Chapter 7

“Shit,” Donghae curses under his breath, “ _shit_.”

Frantically, he shoves a handful of random objects and a rumpled sweatshirt into a drawer before slamming it closed. Then he pushes some magazines under his bed with his foot, all the while trying to straighten his pillows and his blanket over the mattress. He should probably change the bedsheets, too, he thinks conflicted—except that his dirty laundry has been lying untouched and forgotten in the depths of his cupboard for days now.

Donghae swears again. Hyukjae is supposed to show up any minute now, and even in spite of his best efforts, his place still looks like a complete warzone. There’s junk scattered about everywhere on the floor, while empty takeout boxes and dirty dishes have piled up in the kitchenette. His fridge is despairingly empty, except for some instant rice and an expired pack of orange juice that he can’t possibly offer to drink. To top it all, his room _smells_.

Donghae feels his nervousness intensify. He forcefully shoves the trash lying around into the bin and then rushes to open the windows. Small snowflakes fly in with the sharp coldness, sending shivers running across his skin. God, he groans to himself as he looks for a deodorant, but exactly _what_ had he been thinking about when he invited Hyukjae over to his apartment?

Well, besides wanting to see him, that is.

Donghae’s heartbeat speeds up slightly at the thought. He can’t help but grin widely as a bubble of excitement builds at the bottom of his belly and spreads swiftly to the rest of his body. It’s an odd, wonderful sensation that leaves him a bit panicked; a lot breathless. The great beast that used to be so irritable and possessive all the time, is purring in anticipation now. It keeps pawing at him insistently, prompting tight knots of nervousness to form inside his stomach as well.

Midterms ended only a couple of days ago, and Christmas vacations started immediately afterwards. The perspectives of moving their not-relationship forward had seemed quite bleak back then; the university was closed down until the new semester, which meant that Hyukjae and Donghae normally wouldn’t have been able to see each other for two whole weeks.

Donghae _really_ didn’t like that idea. _At all_. And so, on the pretense of working on their mini-thesis, he managed to catch Hyukjae on the last day of exams and invited him over to his place. Even now, he’s still a bit amazed that Hyukjae accepted his offer so easily.

His best friends laughed for the longest time when he told them about their not-quite-date. Donghae didn’t think that it was _that_ funny, really, but they only laughed harder when he pointed it out sullenly. “Yeah, right, _studying_ —is that what they call it these days?” Heechul snickered as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively; Siwon patted his shoulder encouragingly, while Kyuhyun wisely advised, “try not to fuck it up.”

But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Hyukjae’s not even here yet but as Donghae looks around the miserable state of his room, he feels like he’s half-fucked it up already. At least he remembered to hide his porn stash.

The bell rings through the apartment, startling him, and he has to force himself to stop thinking about Hyukjae and porn in the same fantasy. His pants already feel a bit tight around his crotch and he wants to punch himself square in the face.

 

“Alright,” Donghae gulps as he closes the windows, then straightens his clothes and pats his hair down.

 

The bell rings again, more insistently this time, and he rushes to the door. He opens it so fast that the knob slips out of his hand; the door flies off and crashes into the wall.

 

The sudden commotion startles Hyukjae. He frowns at Donghae reproachfully, standing tensely in the hallway. “Hello,” he says stiffly, looking wary and a little nervous.

 

“Uh, yeah, hi,” Donghae answers and he sounds just as awkward as Hyukjae looks. His heart seems to miss a beat, as if the complex mechanism inside his chest went a bit faulty. Then it starts off again at a frantic pace. Suddenly he feels flushed, breathless, a little faint, and he gulps nervously. Shoving one of his hands into his pocket, he tightly curls the other one around the doorframe to stop himself from reaching out.

Fuck him, he thinks desperately—but Hyukjae looks like he just stepped out of a dream.

White snowflakes are melting on his head and on his winter coat, and he looks like he’s covered in tinsels of tiny diamond pearls that glitter and shine charmingly in the light. His hair is ruffled from the wind outside and falls messily around his face. Donghae has to squash the urge to reach out and run his hand through it. His cheeks are flushed from the cold, highlighting the sharpness of his features while softening them all at the same time. A thick scarf is wrapped around his neck, making him look all soft and cuddly and adorable. His eyes, though, are sharp and intense. They send tingles running across Donghae’s skin. It’s as if they could look right through him, staring deep inside his very soul. His lips are full and delicious, even better than he remembers them, and Donghae would really like to kiss them someday.

Donghae feels his heart skip another beat. Inside him, the great beast purrs with desire and paws insistently at his lower belly, urging him to step closer to Hyukjae. He barely manages to resist it. On some level, he does realize that he’s biased. He came to terms with his attraction for Hyukjae only a few days ago, and he still strongly feels the excitement that came along with that revelation. Every thought that he has about him seems to be amplified ten-fold, leaving him feeling giddy and a little faint.

Still, the urge to reach out and touch with his own hands grows bigger within Donghae. His grip around the doorframe tightens as he tells himself to tone it down before Hyukjae realizes he’s being weird and decides to kick him in the face.

Reveling in the warm feeling that’s steadily spreading through him as he drinks up the sight of Hyukjae, he smiles and says again, “hi.”

 

“Yes,” Hyukjae sniffs, giving him a strange look, “you already said that. Maybe you could continue by inviting me in next. It is a bit _cold_ out here, you realize.” 

 

“Oh! Yeah, of course—come on in.” Donghae hastily steps aside. Hyukjae cautiously walks in, looking around the apartment curiously. “Do you want something to drink? I only have water and, uh, orange juice, but it actually expired so that’s probably a bad idea. Maybe I have tea somewhere—and snacks! I have snacks.” He triumphantly brandishes the packet of chocolate cookies that he found at the bottom of his backpack. It’s already open and half empty, but it’s his last resort of hospitality. “They’re nice.”

 

Hyukjae doesn’t reply, instead raising a skeptical eyebrow. He scrunches up his nose in disapproval at the mess that Donghae couldn’t hide properly, and then stares critically at the kitchenette. Donghae follows him a few steps behind, feeling oddly out of place.

 

“Well,” Hyukjae says, looking resigned and unsurprised. He sits down primly on the floor and shuffles closer to the coffee table, looking as if he’s trying hard to touch as few things as possible, in case it might carry some sort of lethal disease. Donghae rolls his eyes. “I cannot say I’m surprised that you live… _here_ ; it’s as messy as your personality.”

 

Donghae glares at him, a bit stung. It’s nice to know that even his feelings for Hyukjae can’t make him ignore how annoying he can sometimes be.

“Now what’s _that_ supposed to mean?” he retorts unhappily and sits down as well. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“I’m sure,” Hyukjae scoffs.

Then, with a stern frown, he starts another of his infamous speeches about their mini-thesis. He takes out his laptop and a couple of heavy books, gesticulating wildly as he explains his research results and then mentions a few other elements that he’d like to look further into. Excitement livens up his voice as he keeps talking animatedly. For once, Donghae finds that he doesn’t mind it so much. He actually grins, welcoming like an old friend the familiarity of listening to Hyukjae’s rambling and his critical comments about the doubtful quality of his work. He props his elbows on the coffee table and stares at Hyukjae distractedly. Hopefully Hyukjae will realize that he’s not paying attention before his lecture gets really boring.

 

“Are you _listening_ to me?” Hyukjae demands after a while, looking very much outraged. Drawing himself up importantly, he raises his nose high up in the air and glares down at Donghae. “I am _talking_ to you, you know.”

 

“Uh.” Donghae blinks. He stifles a small yawn. “Yeah, I mean—kind of?”

 

“You are truly beyond help,” Hyukjae declares. He sighs and shakes his head in exasperation. But he’s grinning, too, a tiny little something that’s sweet and reluctantly fond, as if he can’t quite help it.

 

Donghae smiles back, surprised. Hyukjae seems to startle like he didn’t even realize that his scowl had slipped off. He flushes in embarrassment and looks away, mumbling something under his breath that awfully sounds like ‘what are you _looking_ at, _ugh’_. His lips are pursued into an unhappy, defiant pout.

Donghae bites down on his lower lip, charmed by Hyukjae’s shyness and the way that he tries to hide it by picking petulantly at a loose carpet thread. He’s so easy to read, really, all cute frowns and embarrassed for opening up unconsciously. Something fluttery and hopeful bursts alive inside Donghae, happily twisting around his belly.

It makes him want, and want, and _want_.

_Maybe_ , he dares to think. _Just maybe_.

 

“How were your exams?” Donghae then asks, taking advantage of Hyukjae’s momentary silence. “Did you do alright?”

 

Hyukjae frowns pensively. “I think I did good for most of them, yes. Some of the exams were _awfully_ easy, don’t you think? I don’t know what that means about our university’s so-called top performance, if the level of midterms dropped so low.” He tuts disapprovingly. Considering that he’d felt intellectually violated by every damned exam, Donghae refrains himself from commenting. “Anyway, political economy was alright, and then I just _knew_ that we would get unconventional monetary policies in finance. I mean, it just made sense, you know?”

Then he frowns, looking worried and stressed out. His face falls. “But then I must admit that econometrics were a lot tougher than I expected. I hope I didn’t make any mistake with the demonstrations… I tried solving the exercises again afterwards, and I think I did well enough to pass, but I can’t be too sure.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Donghae reaches out to punch him on the shoulder. “Stop worrying, you idiot,” he says as Hyukjae glares at him outrageously then checks himself for injuries. “I’m sure you did great.”

Before Hyukjae can try leading the conversation back to their mini-thesis, he continues, “and, uh—still no plans for Christmas?”

 

Hyukjae narrows his eyes at him suspiciously, clearly unimpressed by his attempt at slacking off.

“No,” he still answers with a shrug. Then he pokes Donghae until he opens his laptop and shows him his own part. “I’m just spending Christmas Eve with my family,” he adds as he starts reading, “and then I’ll probably stay in and read a book. Maybe watch a movie.”

 

“Ah.” Donghae gulps. Well, that’s quite fortunate, isn’t it? Some part of him wants to jump on the occasion and just _ask_ ; another side of him, however, is much too afraid that he’ll be rejected. Fuck him, he thinks a little desperately, but he’s acting like a goddamned high-school teenager. He hasn’t felt this awkward since his first year, when he’d started to date Yunho and thought that they were meant to be forever. Honestly he can’t say that he missed it terribly.

_Come on_ , Donghae tells himself. _It’s now or never_. Taking a deep breath, he musters his courage and goes for it. “Yeah, so, uh—… I think Sooyoung said there’s going to be a party at her house on the 25th. You—um—I mean, you could come?”

 

At first it doesn’t seem like Hyukjae heard him. He continues to read without a word, scrunching his nose up critically whenever he finds a mistake before fixing it with a sigh.

Donghae glances at the Word file in mild interest and then waits. He clears his throat, hoping for some kind of reaction, but to no avail. Silence continues to settle around them like a blanket, tense and waiting and a little awkward, and it makes him want to dig a hole somewhere and die in it from embarrassment. After a few more minutes of nothing, Donghae starts to fidget agitatedly. He’s never been good with waiting or silence, and it’s even worse when it’s both.

When it becomes too much, he reaches out to hit randomly on the laptop keyboard. Hyukjae startles and draws back instinctively. Donghae doesn’t stop, though, watching the tiny letters appear on the screen and transforming the sentences into nonsense—until Hyukjae finally cries out in irritation.

 

“Will you _desist_ ,” he snaps and slaps Donghae’s hand away. Then he grumbles, “and why _would_ I go to your stupid party anyway?”

 

“Because I’m asking you?” Donghae says, and _fuck_ , he can’t believe he just _said_ that. Nervousness rises inside him like tidal waves. “I can, right?”

 

Hyukjae raises a skeptical eyebrow. “I suppose you can, yes—but why would you?”

 

Donghae almost winces, thinking of all the Christmas parties that Hyukjae didn’t get invited to. A rush of guilt rises up his throat. It muddles up with his nervousness and chokes him, tight and painful, like some kind of revenge that he probably deserves. He shoves his hands under his thighs to keep himself from fidgeting uneasily.

“Just because I want to,” he says in the end. “Come on, it’ll be fun; Kyuhyun and Yunho are going as well, so you’ll actually know some people there besides me. We can all hang out and stuff.”

 

“I wouldn’t say that I actually _know_ them,” Hyukjae points out just for the sake of having the last word. And then, “you’re actually serious about this.”

 

“Of course I’m serious,” Donghae laughs. “Contrary to what you might think, I do enjoy your company, you know.”

 

Tilting his head to the side, Hyukjae stares at him as if he’s gone a bit mad. Donghae clears his throat and squirms under the intensity of his eyes.

 

“And well—um—I mean—” Another awkward gulp. “I’m… alright, right?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Donghae regrets them intensely. He really does sound like a twelve-year-old brat, for fuck’s sake.

 

Gravely, Hyukjae shakes his head and releases a heavy sigh. “Donghae,” he says seriously. “I don’t mean any offense to your intellectual capabilities or your poor organization skills, but ever since we started working on the mini-thesis together, dealing with you has been a constant struggle. You’re messy, and lazy, and your views on political business cycles are naively idealistic at best. It makes me want to stab you in the eye every single second that we spend together.” 

 

Donghae splutters indignantly. “ _Hey_ —!”

 

“That said,” Hyukjae continues as he pokes Donghae’s knee playfully, looking far more amused than should be allowed, “I guess that you’re not _too_ bad.”

 

“I hate you,” Donghae declares. His heart is beating so hard and fast inside his chest that it’s almost painful. His cheeks feel warm from barely restrained excitement—because _fuck_ —he has no idea what’s happening, but it _is_ happening. Hyukjae is smirking at him—a mischievous, teasing little something that’s pulling at the corners of his lips—and it makes him want to reach out and kiss him senseless. “From the bottom of my heart.”

 

Laughing, Hyukjae rolls his eyes at him. “I can assure you that it is entirely mutual.”

 

Some part of Donghae wants to push—to keep teasing just to see where this not-quite-flirting will lead them to. He doesn’t, though, mostly because he’s been about to explode from nerves for long enough now that it’s become hard to breathe. Instead, he looks up at Hyukjae, who has already focused his attention back on Donghae’s laptop, and barely dares to hope.

“But you’ll think about it, right? The party?”

 

“I—” Hyukjae seems to hesitate. His fingers pause above the keyboard for a brief moment, before he glances up at Donghae for barely longer than that. Then he looks back down at the laptop, frowning uncertainly. “Yes. I’ll think about it.”

 

Relieved, Donghae hides a smile. His face heats up in pleasure. The fluttery-hopeful little something inside his belly swells and unfolds, like a huge, thick blanket of warmth, taking his breath away in the matter of a tiny second. “Good,” he says. “That’s—… I mean, yeah. Good.”

 

“You’re acting very strange,” Hyukjae advises critically. “Now, if you would _please_ stop dawdling about and _focus_ on work.”

 

Donghae laughs incredulously. “Did you actually just say _dawdling_?”

 

“ _Ugh_ , do you ever _shut up_?”

 

Throwing his hands in the air out of exasperation, Hyukjae launches himself into another long rant that basically boils down to a bunch of complaints against Donghae. He goes on and on about it, starting off with his “ _terribly irritable_ ” personality and then moving on to his “ _unsatisfactory contribution_ ” to their mini-thesis. Soon he’s flushed and panting slightly from the effort.

Donghae only rolls his eyes in response. Now used to his histrionic tendencies, he holds his chin with his open palm and patiently waits for his tirade to end. Sometimes he interrupts his momentum with a dumb joke, just to annoy Hyukjae further. His cheeks would redden in frustration while he’d purse his lips. It’s quite a pretty sight, he has to admit, and it provides him with a nice fantasy of leaning over and catching Hyukjae’s pretty mouth into a slow kiss.

It takes another hour of bickering and a few heated arguments before Hyukjae finally puts an end to his diatribe. Despite his wordy criticism, he seems rather satisfied with their progress and declares that it’s about time that he goes home. It’s getting rather dark outside and he’d like to avoid the forecasted snowstorm; heavy snowflakes are already reaching impatiently for the ground.

 

“Oh,” Donghae grumbles, a little disappointed. They stand up together and he reluctantly walks him back to the door. “It was really nice hanging out with you today, Hyukjae. We should do it again sometime.”

 

Hyukjae pauses in surprise, his arm stuck halfway through his coat’s sleeve. “Well, I—” Looking troubled, he blushes then puts his coat on properly. “I mean—me too, I suppose.” He frowns again, and Donghae itches to reach out and soften those little creases with his own fingers.

 

Well, to be fair, there’s a _lot_ of things that Donghae wants to do to Hyukjae. For one thing, he’d really like to kiss him.

 

“Although it’d be nice if you could work a bit more for next time,” Hyukjae chides in clear disapproval; Donghae yawns disinterestedly, earning a vicious glare for his trouble. “And clean up your place, too—it’s _filthy_.”

 

“Sure,” Donghae laughs as he pats Hyukjae’s shoulder. “See you later, Hyukjae.”

 

Huffing, Hyukjae spins around and stomps off to the staircase. Donghae feels his heart ache a little as he watches him move away. His whole body itches to pull him back—he wants to hug him; run his fingers into his soft hair; kiss him until they’re both flushed and breathless from it. He knows that there’s still a long way to go until then, but _still_.

Hyukjae is about to turn at the corner, when Donghae finally manages to muster the last few bits of his courage.

 

His heart pounding inside his chest, he steps out of his apartment. It’s cold in the hallway but he’s too worked up to notice.

“Wait! Hyukjae!”

 

Hyukjae stops mid-step and turns around to look at him expectantly.  

 

“You should, um—” Donghae blushes as he stumbles on his words. “You should give me your phone.”

 

Hyukjae gives him a weird look. “My… phone?” His eyes widen in slight disbelief while he takes a prudent step back, as if Donghae was a violent burglar. “I’m not sure how I am supposed to respond to this blatant attempt at racketeering.”

 

“No!” Donghae barks out a slightly hysterical laugh. He takes his phone out and walks to Hyukjae. “I just meant—your phone number. You should give me your phone number.”

 

“Oh. Alright.” Hyukjae sighs and takes his own phone out. “You should just have said that from the beginning, you know?”

 

Yes, well. Donghae’s never claimed to make much sense, has he? He nods awkwardly to Hyukjae, embarrassed and a little tongue-tied as they exchange their phone numbers.

When they’re done, Hyukjae stares at Donghae pensively. The weight of his gaze on him is almost too much to handle; his eyes are too-bright, too-clever in a way that sends odd little shivers to run across his skin. It makes him want to disappear from the surface of earth and become the center of Hyukjae’s universe all at the same time. He gulps, taking a clumsy sidestep that prompts Hyukjae to blink at him curiously.

 

“You are acting very strange indeed today, Lee Donghae,” he comments. Then he grins and shrugs. “Well, I suppose that I should be used to it by now. See you later—for real, this time.”

 

With a nod, Hyukjae turns around and walks off to the staircase—and as he disappears around the corner, he takes another piece of Donghae’s heart along with him.

 

“Fuck,” Donghae mumbles. He’s grinning so widely that his cheeks almost hurt. “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.”

He jumps excitedly and punches the air with a loud shout. Adrenaline races through his veins like some kind of wildfire. He feels like he’s on top of the world—like nothing can ever beat him down anymore. Today has been just _perfect_. He clutches his phone in his hand and saunters back to his door, whooping all the way. 

 

Until he realizes that he locked himself out of his apartment.

 

“Ah, fuck.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this section was one of the most fun that i had to write for this story! i just thought it was so funny that donghae was so panicked about tidying up his place and in the end its still a mess ?? and that thing about hiding his porn stash and sexual fantasies about hyukjae, i was just laughing like an idiot , HAHA! i think also i really liked this section bc
> 
> finally things are moving forward a bit between donghae and hyukjae! and they're Flirting ! how good is that ?? donghae is Going for it, you go get him my boi !
> 
> please comment and upvote if you enjoyed reading this chapter! i love you guyyyyys xx


	8. Chapter 8

Donghae grunts irritably when Siwon tries once again to peek at his phone over his shoulder. Shrugging him off, he throws his friend a dark glare that’s only met with laughter.

“You’re so _annoying_ ,” he complains. Siwon pokes him in the ribs and he squirms away with a yelp. “Leave me _alone_ , for fuck’s sake. What’s your damn problem anyway?”

 

“I’m just curious,” Siwon insists as he holds his hands up innocently.

 

Until he abruptly lunges forward and tries to snatch his phone. Donghae dodges by rolling onto his side, swearing loudly and kicking hard at his friend in retaliation. Behind them, Heechul and Kyuhyun just laugh and yell at Donghae to ‘ _give it up already or we’ll_ make _you_.’

 

“Oh, come on!” Siwon wheezes when Donghae painfully digs his foot into his stomach. “We’re your friends!”

 

“It’s none of your fucking business,” Donghae retorts. He holds his phone against his chest protectively and glares at his friends in suspicion. “It’s _personal_ , alright?”

 

“Why? Something to hide, eh?” Kyuhyun wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

 

Flustered, Donghae splutters indignantly. “ _No_ , I just—”

 

His phone then rings and vibrates, distracting him for only a brief second. It’s still plenty of time for Kyuhyun to lurch forward and grab it. Donghae shouts and tries to take his phone back, but Siwon is faster and holds him back by his leg.

 

“ _I’m just looking for something to watch but I can’t seem to find anything_ ,” Kyuhyun reads as he holds the phone high above his head. “Ugh, how boring.”

 

Heechul snickers, “send him nudes—now _that’ll_ give him something good to watch.”

 

“And then tell him something like ‘ _I love you so much, please send me dick pics_ ’,” Kyuhyun laughs along.

 

“You guys can all _fuck off_ ,” Donghae snaps as he kicks Siwon off him and then tackles Kyuhyun with another shout. After a hard-won scuffle, he finally retrieves his phone.

It’s only been a couple of days since Donghae saved up Hyukjae’s phone number, but he’s already made a habit of checking his notifications for new texts. He can’t help but smile excitedly every time that he sees Hyukjae’s name appear on his screen. Fuck, he thinks dazedly, but he’s a bit pathetic, isn’t he?

Their first conversation began when he sent a ‘ _hey how are u!_ ’ that took years off from his life, to which Hyukjae replied ‘ _I am good, thank you. What about you?_ ’ It all started from there, and now they talk almost all of the time. Donghae sent a text before going to sleep last night and woke up this morning with a new one from Hyukjae—‘ _it’s not very healthy to sleep so late, you know_ ’—, and he nearly flung himself off his bed from excitement. Mostly they’ve been bickering and teasing each other. It’s almost as if Hyukjae was right here, scolding him for ‘ _going to sleep at some ungodly hours in the morning_ ’ and for ‘ _distracting me with your silly texts and nonsensical jokes_ ’

Donghae thinks it’s a bit cute that Hyukjae always writes his texts with capital letters all in the right places and proper punctuation. He pointed it out, once, to which Hyukjae retorted that ‘ _not everyone wants to look like an uneducated, boorish swine, thank you very much_.’ And that’s so very _him_ , isn’t it?

Grinning, Donghae unlocks his phone screen and opens Hyukjae’s text. His heart fluttering inside his chest, he sends back, ‘ _what kind of movie do u wanna watch?_ ’

 

A few minutes later, Hyukjae replies, ‘ _I don’t really mind as long as it’s good_.’

 

“Are you really sending him nudes?” Heechul asks. Next to him, Kyuhyun scowls as he carefully pokes his arm where Donghae bit him viciously a few minutes earlier, mumbling under his breath about ‘ _fucking asshole_ ’ and ‘ _does he think he’s a fucking dog or something?_ ’ “Because that’d be _hilarious_.”

 

“ _No_ ,” Donghae huffs. “We’re just chatting, alright? I’m asking what kind of movie he likes—that’s _it_. Nothing about lewd pics or declarations of love, thanks very much.”

 

Kyuhyun rolls his eyes at him as he sprawls across Donghae’s bed. “Ugh, you’re so boring when you flirt.”

 

“Why, I think it’s cute,” Siwon shrugs and smiles encouragingly at Donghae.

 

“Yeah but you’re shit at flirting too, so your opinion doesn’t count,” Heechul retorts with a laugh. He shares a high-five with Kyuhyun while Siwon protests indignantly. The three of them then start bickering, swearing loudly at each other and throwing pillows across the room.

 

Donghae groans then puts his face into his hands. Rolled-up pajamas hit the back of his head and he yelps, twisting around to glare at his friends. “Can you guys _stop_ ,” he begs. “You know what, I have an even better idea—please _leave_.”

 

“Don’t be such a sourpuss,” Heechul snickers. He kicks Kyuhyun off the bed, who wheezes and tumbles on top of Siwon. “You’re just mad because you still didn’t ask Hyukjae out to Sooyoung’s party.”

 

“Shut up,” Donghae snaps. And then, “argh, I _know_.” He’s not too keen on admitting it but he still hasn’t brought up the topic again with Hyukjae, too worried that he’ll be rejected if he tries. Just thinking about it prompts tight knots to form inside his stomach.

“What do I _do_?” he groans. “What if he says no?”

 

Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow at him, looking very unimpressed. He sighs resignedly, “no offense but you’re so pathetic.”

 

Stung, Donghae glares at him but can’t bring himself to deny. He’s usually much better at this whole flirting thing, really he is, but something about Hyukjae always seems to fluster him. It’s frustrating and terribly embarrassing, and he’d greatly appreciate it if it could _stop_.

“You’re not helping,” he half-grumbles, half-whines.

 

“Just go on and ask him; there’s no reason why he’d say no,” Siwon encourages him with a reassuring smile—and really, he’s always been Donghae’s favorite. “Tell yourself it could be worse.”

 

“How much worse?” Donghae asks gloomily. He unlocks his phone then rereads Hyukjae’s last texts.

 

“Well, we could force you to really send those nudes, for one thing.”

 

Donghae shivers in horror. Ugh, he doesn’t even want to _think_ about it. “You do make a valid point,” he concedes reluctantly, prompting Kyuhyun and Heechul to snicker mischievously. “You’re the worst friends.”

Taking in a deep breath, he finally starts to write, ‘ _i don’t really know about movies but i know some good tv series if u want?_ ’ Then he adds in a second message, ‘ _so did u think about the christmas party?_

 

‘ _I would really appreciate it, thank you_ ,’ Hyukjae replies. ‘ _I don’t really know if it’d be a wise idea for me to go to that party, to be honest_.’

 

“Argh, shit,” Donghae curses under his breath. Ignoring his friends’ questions, he straightens up and types quickly, ‘ _why?? it’ll be fun !_ ’

 

‘ _It’s just that I don’t really feel comfortable in that kind of situation. Plus I won’t know anyone, it’ll be awkward._ ’

 

‘ _kyuhyun and siwon and heechul are going, and yunho too!!_ ’

Although to be honest, Donghae doesn’t particularly like the idea of Hyukjae spending the night with anyone but himself. He frowns, conflicted.

In the end he decides to send another message: ‘ _and i’ll be here too! i’ll stay with u the whole night if u want and u can leave whenever u like._ ’

 

Hyukjae doesn’t reply immediately, and Donghae feels his nervousness intensify with each second of tortuous silence going by. Next to him, Kyuhyun and Heechul keep bugging him to know exactly what’s happening. Siwon just pats his shoulder comfortingly.

Finally Donghae’s phone vibrates. The screen lights up and displays Hyukjae’s name in his notifications with a loud ‘ _ding!_ ’ that nearly startles him out of his skin. He opens the message so fast that his phone almost slips out of his hands.

 

‘ _Okay, fine, I’ll go_ ,’ Hyukjae’s text says, and Donghae feels like he’s just been struck by lightning, ‘ _but I won’t stay too late, alright?_ ’

 

Donghae releases an incoherent noise of excitement, startling his friends. “Oh fuck _yes_!”

 

“What?” Kyuhyun wants to know; Donghae ignores him and pushes him off when he tries to steal his phone again. “What, what, _what_?!”

 

‘ _yes perfect !!!_ ’ Donghae types his reply so fast that he has to rewrite it several times before it’s even readable. ‘ _i’ll send u the address and everything when i know more, ok??_ ’

 

Whooping, he nearly flings his phone across the room out of excitement, as he flails around and throws himself at his friends. They try to push him off, protesting loudly; he only laughs and hugs them harder.

 _Fuck yes_ , Donghae finds himself thinking over and over again. He’s going to a party with _Hyukjae_ , and it’s going to be _awesome_.

 

*

 

Maybe Donghae shouldn’t have started drinking so early in the party before he even met up with Hyukjae. But here he is, halfway through his first beer on a mostly empty stomach. It’s not enough to actually make him drunk, and he could probably go for one more bottle, but he’d rather stay on the safe side. He’s already feeling tipsy enough that he can’t quite distinguish his nervousness from excitement anymore.

Hyukjae warned him that he’d be late because of a disruption on his subway line, apologizing four times for ‘ _my own schedule management incompetency._ ’ When Donghae pointed out that it technically wasn’t his fault, he retorted that he ‘ _should have anticipated it! Of course there would be some kind of problem on the one day that I especially want to be on time!_ ’ And really, what can he say to that? It’s a little cute, a little reassuring, isn’t it, to know that Hyukjae feels as nervous as Donghae does about tonight.

Laughing at one of Yunho’s dumb jokes, Donghae checks his phone for new notifications but finds nothing. It’s been twenty minutes since Hyukjae’s last text and he can’t help but feel a bit impatient. He glances over the crowd, half-hoping that Hyukjae might appear out of nowhere and sweep him off his feet. That’s never going to happen, of course, but, well—it’s always a nice thought to have.

Sighing, Donghae looks around him in mild interest. The Christmas party kicked off some time ago. There’s good music and lots of people, many of which he knows more or less from university. He thinks that he even saw some alumni students at some point. Somewhere across the living-room, where the core of the party seems to have settled, Siwon is busy flirting with Boa again. Donghae thinks it’s a bit funny—and quite potentially awkward, too—that he didn’t even realize that she was here until Siwon had patted his shoulder and told him to wish him luck.

 

“I didn’t know that Siwon was on Boa,” Donghae comments vaguely to no one in particular.

 

Next to him, Kyuhyun rolls his eyes as he takes another gulp of his beer. It’s already his fourth and yet he doesn’t seem to be drunk in the slightest. “You wouldn’t know anything even if it punched you in the face, Donghae.”

 

“Hey—that’s _rude_ ,” Donghae protests. “I had other things on my mind, in case you didn’t realize.”

 

“Oh, trust me, I did realize,” Kyuhyun snickers and nudges his shoulder playfully. Donghae throws him a halfhearted glare. “It was pretty entertaining actually.”

 

“I hate you,” Donghae declares. “Really, I do. I think it’s time we stop being friends because all I get from you is abuse.”

 

Taking another generous swig of his drink, Kyuhyun smirks mischievously. “Sure about that? You might regret saying that after you hear what I’m about to tell you.”

 

“What is it?” Donghae narrows his eyes at his not-friend in clear suspicion. “If it’s something stupid I’m leaving.”

 

Kyuhyun throws an arm around his shoulders and, leaning over conspiratorially, whispers, “I just saw someone who looks _awfully_ like Hyukjae waiting by the door—and I think I’ve got a pretty good idea who he’s looking for.”

 

Immediately Donghae’s gaze snaps to the entrance. Sure enough, Hyukjae is standing there. His eyes dart warily around him as he wrings his hands together, looking stiff and awkward and everything that Donghae could ever have asked for.

 

Donghae turns around and clutches Kyuhyun’s hands between his own. “I take back every word; you’re the best friend ever and you’ve always been my favorite.” He takes a step back when Kyuhyun pushes him off with a laugh and calls him a liar. “Any word of advice?”

 

“Yeah; don’t fuck it up,” Kyuhyun says wisely, before leaving him to his fate.

 

Yes, well. That’s a lot easier said than done, isn’t it? Donghae has the vague impression that they already had this conversation a few days back, but he’s too on edge to care. Taking a deep breath, he starts making his way through the crowd to Hyukjae. His phone vibrates in his pocket when he’s halfway through; he unlocks it and finds three unread messages in his notifications. Opening them, he reads: ‘ _I’m here!_ ’; ‘ _I’m in front of the house, it’s really loud, where are you?_ ’; and ‘ _who are all of these people, and where are you?_ ’. Donghae smiles, charmed beyond words for some odd, lovely reason that he can’t seem to explain. His heart flutters excitedly inside his chest.

Then Donghae looks up, and the real thing is right there; Hyukjae is just before his eyes, all but waiting for Donghae to find him. The tiny flutters in his heart speed up and leave him just a bit breathless. His mind is a complete mess of ‘ _yes, finally_ ’ and ‘ _please don’t fuck this up_ ’ and ‘ _Hyukjae_ ’.

His phone then rings again as he hurries through the last few meters to the entrance. ‘ _No, seriously, where are you, I’m leaving_ ,’ Hyukjae warns in a fourth text.

 

Donghae finally reaches Hyukjae just a few seconds later. “Hello,” he says. He brushes his knuckles along the curve of Hyukjae’s wrist then gently wraps his hand around it. Hyukjae startles and blinks at him with slightly troubled eyes, looking as if he wants nothing more than just go home. Donghae smiles at him. “Please don’t leave?”

 

“I—… where _were_ you?” Hyukjae snaps. He looks too nervous to return Donghae’s teasing. Then, flushing slightly, he mumbles, “never mind. I’m… sorry for being late.”

 

“It’s fine,” Donghae chuckles. He allows himself to squeeze Hyukjae’s wrist, warm and gentle, then steps back reluctantly. Looking flustered, Hyukjae clears his throat. He folds his arms over his chest awkwardly and darts his eyes away. “Come on in; there’s some drinks over there if you want.”

 

Hyukjae nods wordlessly, and Donghae leads him through the party and its growing crowd. Some acquaintances most of which are Donghae’s, stop them on their way to say hi. They exchange a few words that Hyukjae barely returns. A frown is creasing his eyebrows, perplexed and a little uneasy, and he looks like he doesn’t quite understand why they’re being swarmed by all of these people.

Donghae thinks it’s a bit cute, a bit sad that Hyukjae still feels so awkward in large crowds. A surge of protectiveness rushes through him as he catches the way that Hyukjae hunches his shoulders. He wants to bring him close, pull him into a tight hug, tell him just how much he cares for him. But he doesn’t, mostly because he doesn’t think he has the right to it yet.

Instead, Donghae nudges Hyukjae’s shoulder and offers him a reassuring grin. Hyukjae raises an eyebrow at him that seems to ask ‘ _well, what now?_ ’, then smiles back reluctantly. Their eyes meet for a brief second—and yet it feels like forever. It’s like time has slowed down around them, dimming the lights and drowning out the noise. They share a long look; one that seems to mean nothing and everything all at once, one that tugs at Donghae’s heartstrings and makes him want to pull Hyukjae into a slow, heated kiss. Then Hyukjae averts his eyes and the moments slips away.

A warm, aching little something builds at the bottom of his belly and unfurls in an odd mix of relief and disappointment. Donghae clears his throat, blushing. Across the room, Yunho wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at him while Heechul pretends to gag in disgust. He flips them the finger behind Hyukjae’s back. He knows that he probably looks smitten, but he really can’t bring himself to care.

The party seems to get busier in the few minutes that it takes them to go through the house. They almost lose each other in the crowd a few times, and by the fourth, Hyukjae looks so nervous that Donghae starts to feel guilty about bringing him here. Impulsively, he reaches out for Hyukjae’s hand. He entwines their fingers together, slowly and experimentally, hoping but not quite daring. Hyukjae gasps in surprise, a quiet sound that’s quickly drowned by the loud music around them. He blushes and glances furtively at their hands.

Donghae gulps nervously. His heart is beating hard and fast within his chest. Hyukjae’s hand is warm in his, and his skin is smooth—and, _fuck_ , but he really wants to kiss him.

“Okay?” he asks.

 

Hyukjae doesn’t reply immediately. His eyebrows are creased into a nervous frown as he darts his eyes away. Still, he doesn’t let go of Donghae’s hand. Instead he grips harder, then mumbles in a way that makes Donghae feel a little lightheaded, “it’s fine, I suppose.” 

 

It’s _not_ fine, of course it isn’t, and they both know it. Something is building between them, raw and thrilling and intense, just waiting to burst open. But neither of them seems ready to point it out yet.

 

“What would you like?” Donghae asks him as he gestures vaguely to the countless bottles. “They have beer and stronger stuff. Some softs, too.”

 

“Whatever you’re having is fine,” Hyukjae shrugs.

 

Donghae reaches for a beer, when Kyuhyun throws his arms around the both of them. “Not such a wise idea, Hyukjae,” he snickers, and this time he definitely looks tipsy. Donghae would really like to know how much alcohol he ingested since he left him about fifteen minutes ago. “Donghae can’t hold his booze.”

 

“Really?” Hyukjae eyes Donghae curiously. “You don’t really strike me like the type.”

 

“I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about,” Donghae grumbles. “I can _totally_ drink.”

 

Kyuhyun laughs and rolls his eyes sarcastically. “Yeah, _right_. Just a warning; don’t let him drink more than three beers, alright? He tends to lose most of his basic brain functions after that.”

 

“Shut the _fuck_ up,” Donghae snaps, embarrassed, and pushes Kyuhyun away. He has to let go of Hyukjae’s hand, but quickly takes it back again as soon as his friend disappears in the crowd. Hyukjae sends him a confused, shy look but doesn’t protest. “Really, don’t believe him, okay? Well, I can’t say that I have high tolerance, but, uh, it’s fine, really! I’m already a bit tipsy to be honest, but I wasn’t planning on drinking that much anyway, since you’re here and everything, and I really want you to have a good time. So, uh—”

 

“You don’t have to explain,” Hyukjae raises an eyebrow at him. Then he grins, looking reluctantly amused. “You’re not making much sense anyway.”

 

“Thanks,” Donghae retorts sarcastically. He smiles back, relieved that nothing much seems to have changed between them, despite the initial awkwardness that still lingers on the edges of their conversation. His hand is still holding onto Hyukjae’s, and it anchors him into the present moment, reminding him of that mass of feelings that he’s been harboring for what already feels like forever.

Donghae gulps. “Um, how was your Christmas?” he asks to distract himself.

 

“It was alright, I suppose,” Hyukjae says. “I watched a couple of TV series’—thank you for your recommendations, by the way—and had dinner with my family, that’s about it. What about you?”

 

“Same.” A pause. “Hey, um—do you want to go somewhere quieter maybe?” He eyes Hyukjae from the corners of his eyes, who stiffens awkwardly when someone bumps into him by accident. “It’s just, you don’t seem very comfortable here.”

 

“Oh no, it’s quite alright!” Hyukjae says quickly, flustered. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your experience.”

 

Donghae barks out a loud laugh. “I’m having a great ‘ _experience_ ’, don’t worry about it.” He nudges Hyukjae’s shoulder, who protests weakly. “I’m with you, aren’t I?”

 

For a second Hyukjae looks ready to fire back a retort, until he finally seems to understand Donghae’s words. He blinks, surprised and a little embarrassed, then tilts his head to the side.

“I—alright?” He frowns at Donghae, staring with intense eyes as if he was a great enigma that he was determined to solve. “Then I wouldn’t mind, I suppose.”

 

“You suppose a lot of things, don’t you?” Donghae chuckles as he leads him to another room, where there’s less people and quieter music.

 

“You’re not making any sense,” Hyukjae huffs.

 

Donghae laughs again. “Yeah, or so you’ve told me many times.”

 

They find a vacant couch to sit on and spend the rest of the night hanging out together. In the main room, music switches between hits of the moment and Christmas classics. People come and go out in dozens, chattering and laughing uproariously. Soon the two of them start chatting together as well, about all kinds of topics that come to their mind. Sometimes a short silence settles between them, but it’s comfortable and only disturbed by the party’s background noise.

Donghae tells Hyukjae about hanging out with his friends over the week and all the mischief that they got up to. He rambles on his passion for photography, and even mentions his reluctance and worries about job hunting. In return, Hyukjae talks about Christmas eve and dinner with his parents, and how they tried to make mulled wine but it turned out disgusting. Then he confides his determination to get a doctoral contract for next year. His enthusiasm seems to climb up to astronomical levels as he begins to explain the research topic he’d like to apply with. It’s about public economics and political economy and all kinds of other complicated things that leave Donghae feeling rather lost. Yet he still enjoys the way that Hyukjae flushes happily, his eyes lighting up in obvious excitement. His hair falls messily around his face as he gesticulates animatedly, while the kitschy disco ball that’s hanging from the ceiling stains his skin with dozens of colored shadows.

In that moment, Hyukjae looks like a sparkling jewel, and it’s terribly attractive.  

As they continue to talk, Donghae finds himself constantly touching Hyukjae in some kind of manner. It’s like an unconscious impulse that he can’t quite quell down—like a hypnotizing spell that’s been cast upon him. At first, it’s just bumping their knees together a few times; later, it’s fiddling with the edge of Hyukjae’s sleeve. And then it’s brushing their fingers together. It seems to fluster Hyukjae every time, prompting him to blink in puzzlement and eye Donghae strangely. He doesn’t protest or push him away, however, and Donghae wants to believe that it’s a good sign.

Hyukjae gulps faintly when Donghae grazes his knuckles over the back of his hand. He frowns and stares at him with narrowed eyes, like he’s a strange phenomenon that still has no plausible explanation for its existence.

Donghae grins in response. It’s rather nice to be the focus of such clever, bright eyes, he reflects idly. Then, feeling a bit daring, he reaches out to soothe Hyukjae’s frown with the tip of his thumb.

 

Startled, Hyukjae stares at Donghae’s finger with slightly crossed eyes. “ _What_ are you doing? You’re drunk, aren’t you?” he half-snaps, half-whines accusingly. There’s not much heat behind his words, however, as it sounds like he’s complaining only to hide his embarrassment.

 

“Not really; I didn’t even finish my first bottle.” Donghae glances at Hyukjae’s second beer. “Maybe you are a bit, though.”

 

Hyukjae shakes his head no. His cheeks are a bit red and he keeps avoiding Donghae’s eyes. “I can drink more than you might think. I just don’t like it very much.”

 

Sometime afterwards, when both Heechul and Kyuhyun are drunk enough that they can’t seem to stand on their own anymore, Hyukjae declares that he needs to go home. Although he’s a bit disappointed, Donghae nods. He stands up, and then holds out a hand to help Hyukjae up.

 

When Hyukjae only blinks at him questioningly, Donghae elaborates, “come on, I’ll walk you home.”

 

“You don’t need to,” Hyukjae protests, flustered. He still accepts Donghae’s hand and lets him pull him up. “I live over twenty minutes from here, you know.”

 

“It’s fine, I want to,” Donghae grins.

 

“I—… well, alright.” Hyukjae frowns again, looking troubled. Then he sighs. “You’re acting _strange_ again. I really don’t understand you sometimes.”

 

Then they go retrieve their coats at the entrance and head out in the cold. It takes them about half an hour before they reach Hyukjae’s building.

 

When they stop in front of the gates, Hyukjae spins around to glare at Donghae. He narrows his eyes and crosses his arm over his chest in clear defiance.

“Do _not_ think for a second that I don’t know what you’re doing,” he warns.

 

Confused, Donghae blinks at him. “Uh. What is it I am doing exactly?”

 

“You’re _flirting_ with me! I have no idea why,” he adds darkly, and it makes Donghae’s heart ache painfully, “but you _are_ , aren’t you?”

 

“Maybe.” Donghae lets his mouth quirk to one side; he’s been told by people who should know that his lazy smile’s nearly irresistible. “Is it working, at least?”

 

Hyukjae stomps a foot into the snow-covered pavement out of frustration. “I don’t _know_! I don’t _care_!” he snaps in clear embarrassment.

 

Surprised, Donghae blinks and then bursts out in laughter. _Fuck_ , but Hyukjae really can be so adorable sometimes. “You’re really cute sometimes, you know that?”

 

Hyukjae gasps and splutters. “ _What_ are you saying!” he exclaims with a strangled voice. “Saying such embarrassing things! In public, no less! _Ugh_ , I’ve had enough with you—vanish, you fiend!”

With a last huff, he spins around and stomps away.

 

Donghae shakes his head fondly as he watches him leave with a besotted smile. When Hyukjae is about to step inside his building, he shouts, “see you later, Hyukjae! Sleep well!”

 

“Ugh, _whatever_! Go home!”

 

Still, Donghae doesn’t think that he imagines the tiny, pleased smile that’s pulling at the corners of Hyukjae’s mouth.

 

*

 

A couple of days after the Christmas party, Donghae finds himself spending the day at his mom’s place. She keeps feeding him, which is quite nice, especially since he hasn’t eaten anything more elaborated than rice or pasta for a long while now. She also nags him about never coming over to see her, and that, on the other hand, is mildly exasperating for everyone involved. Still, Donghae lets her fuss over him without much complaining. He knows that it’s her own way of showing that she misses him.

As she hands him a plate of dumplings, Donghae slumps down into the couch then puts his feet on the coffee table. A polar drama is airing on the television, which he watches in mild interest.

 

“No feet on the table,” his mom scolds. She swats his shoulder sharply and he yelps in surprise.

 

“Yes mom,” Donghae mumbles lazily but doesn’t move. Despite her many threats, his mom almost never acts on them. That’s especially true when it comes to her youngest son. He’s always been her favorite, he knows, no matter what Donghwa might want to believe.

Yawning, Donghae takes out his phone. There’s no new notification besides a reminder to buy toilet paper, but that doesn’t quite surprise him. Hyukjae did say that he’d spend most of the day visiting a museum. That’s a pretty weird way to spend his vacations, if you ask Donghae, and he rolls his eyes fondly.

As he gobbles a handful of dumplings, Donghae opens their conversation. He hesitates only for a couple of minutes, before he sends, ‘ _want to hang out tomorrow??_ ’

 

His mom then pokes her head around the kitchen door as she calls him. “Do you want me to pack up some food for your apartment? I could cook some noodles or fried rice?”

 

“Uh, yeah, sure. Can I have some meat, too, please? Like beef or something,” Donghae hums distractedly, just as his phone vibrates.

 

‘ _Where to?_ ’ Hyukjae asks in his text.

 

Suddenly his mom leans over his shoulder. “Oh!” she hums curiously, squinting as she tries to read the conversation. “Is that a new boyfriend?”

 

Spluttering, Donghae blushes and hurriedly hides his phone against his chest. “No—what— _mom_! What are you _doing_?”

 

Laughing, she teases him about being shy and saunters back to the kitchen. He whines at her to stop, but it only makes her laugh harder—and _argh, don’t be so embarrassing, mom_.

 

When he’s sure that she’s gone, Donghae straightens up. ‘ _it’s a secret!_ ’ he types excitedly.

 

‘ _You really are infuriating sometimes_ ,’ Hyukjae sends back disapprovingly. And then, ‘ _alright, I suppose we can_.’

 

Donghae smiles, fond and aching. He writes, ‘ _then I suppose we shall_.’

 

In the kitchen, his mom starts humming a cheesy Christmas song tune, and Donghae almost sings along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello y'all, how are y'all, hehehe c: i literally forgot that today was saturday and that saturday meant update reirheioz but here i am! still on time bc its still saturday here in france hohoho c:
> 
> so the third section was pretty tough to write, funnily enough, bc nothing much happens? the first one was a bit tough too, bc i don't rly like writing scenes with too many characters, i feel like it gets too messy sometimes?? so it was a bit hard. but the second section where they have their not-date at the party was actually so easy to write!! i thought it was really fun and cute that donghae was a bit tipsy and kept on flirting with hyukjae every chance that he got ;; it's also rly cute that at the end hyukjae is like ur flirting!! why!!! bc of course he'd notice, he's so smart :(((
> 
> this is random and totally unrelated, but next week avengers endgame comes out in theaters, im so excited hieohreoiqhr, im writing a new fic just for that occasion, ashes in the wind (pls subscribe? c:)
> 
> also im going to seoul on friday april 26 for a week, so i might update this a day early before boarding the plane bc i don't know when i'll get access to my laptop again in korea c:
> 
> and omg, did donghae just ask donghae on an actual Date ? or maybe not ?? w-what's happening??! and hyukjae said yes, gasps ! such cuties :/ where will they go ?
> 
> please upvote and comment, and thank you so much to all of you who take the time to comment always ;;


	9. Chapter 9

Donghae is late— _again_. He was supposed to meet up with Hyukjae in front of the mall about ten minutes ago, but between suffering his friends’ teasing and choosing an appropriate outfit that would both convey ‘ _this is a date_ ’ and ‘ _this is also not a date if you don’t want it to be_ ’, things clearly didn’t go as planned in his initial schedule. Now he’s running frantically through busy city streets and begging time to stop just for a minute or two. Unfortunately, his prayers aren’t heard, and his lateness goes up from only ten minutes to a whole fifteen. He honestly wants to cry a little.

It’d be almost funny, if Donghae wasn’t also genuinely worried that it’s actually the omen of a disaster about to unfold. What if today’s horrible? What if he somehow manages to ruin things so badly that Hyukjae ends up hating him forever?

And yes, _maybe_ he’s being a tad dramatic—but he’s also _very_ stressed out about his not-date with Hyukjae, thanks very much.

Donghae tries to push harder on his legs as he runs through the streets and dodges a few people on his way. He curses under his breath. Today might be his best opportunity to move Hyukjae and his not-relationship forward, and he’s _late_ for it. _Ugh_ , but he’s so useless sometimes. 

Finally, Donghae finds Hyukjae waiting for him by the mall’s main gates. He runs to him, breathless and a little dizzy from overexertion. 

 

“Fuck, I—” Panting, he supports himself heavily on his knees. Stitch pain is digging into his side. “I’m so—… I’m so sorry, I—…” He takes a deep breath then straightens up. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”

 

“Seventeen minutes,” Hyukjae points out, as though it’s a vital piece of information. When Donghae only wheezes in response, he raises an eyebrow at him, clearly unimpressed. “Please don’t faint on me.”

 

“I’ll try my best,” Donghae snorts, rolling his eyes.

 

Then he looks at Hyukjae properly, and—fuck—but today as well, he just looks perfect.

Wind makes his hair fly and stick up in all directions, while his cheeks and the tip of his nose are a bit red from the cold. He’s wearing a thick scarf and a large winter coat, and the lower half of his face is buried into his clothes to stay warm. It makes him look all fluffy and soft and adorable. His eyes, on the other hand, are still as sharp as ever, staring at Donghae like they’re trying to reach deep into his soul.

Hyukjae looks like everything that Donghae could ever have asked for, even in his wildest dreams. The urge to kiss him, sweet and slow, rises inside his chest. He gulps and takes a tiny step back just in case.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Donghae clears his throat. For a second he scrambles to remember what they’d been talking about in the first place. “I mean, um. I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s quite alright,” Hyukjae shrugs. Then he frowns, looking a little uncertain. “It’s just I thought that maybe you weren’t coming.”

 

Alarmed, Donghae steps forward again. Fresh, lemony undertones tease his nostrils as he breathes in Hyukjae’s scent. It smells sweet, but not too sweet—just perfect.

“What— _no_!” he exclaims. “I was just stupid and forgot to check the time.” He curls their fingers together and squeezes softly. When Hyukjae doesn’t push him away, he reaches with his other hand and brushes his knuckles along his cheek. “I should’ve sent you a text or something to tell you I’d be late. I’m really sorry.” 

 

Hyukjae blushes, surprised by their sudden proximity, but doesn’t try to move away. Donghae smiles. He runs the tip of his thumb along the fragile skin under Hyukjae’s eye, then traces a random line that leads to the corner of his mouth. His skin feels smooth and slightly cool from the chilly weather; his lips are a little moist, all pink and plump and so very tempting.

 _Fuck_ , Donghae thinks rather desperately, but he _really_ would like to kiss Hyukjae just about now.

 

“It’s fine,” Hyukjae mumbles, and Donghae feels his mouth move under his fingers. For the briefest second, Hyukjae leans into his touch, before he grins reluctantly and says, “I guess I should be used to your being late all the time by now, shouldn’t I?”

 

Instead of feeling annoyed at the jibe, Donghae welcomes it with the familiarity of an inside joke. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he retorts playfully, which earns him a derisive scoff. He takes a step back, and he doesn’t think that he imagines the slight disappointment on Hyukjae’s face when he has to let him go.

“Let’s go inside,” Donghae says, as thousands of butterflies flutter inside his stomach. “There’s a nice place where they sell crepes and stuff.”

 

“Oh,” Hyukjae hums interestedly. “I do like crepes.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Donghae smirks.

 

Blinking, Hyukjae tilts his head to the side curiously. “Do you, now?

 

“Well, yeah,” Donghae shrugs awkwardly and tries to distract Hyukjae by ushering him into the mall. He’d really rather not explain how he asked his mom to call Yunho’s mom, to ask if she had any idea where they could go on their not-date. She replied that she didn’t but that she’d ask her son. Immediately afterwards Yunho called him, gasping, “are you _cheating_ on me?!” Then he burst out laughing while Donghae, embarrassed, shouted at him to stop being weird.

It was the first time that Donghae experienced that much mortification condensed in so little time.

To Hyukjae, Donghae wiggles his eyebrows then nudges his shoulder playfully. “Why? Are you impressed?”

 

Hyukjae sniffs primly. “‘ _Impressed_ ’ isn’t quite the word that I would use.”

 

“Of course it isn’t,” Donghae rolls his eyes fondly. Slipping his fingers through Hyukjae’s, he then pulls him close until they’re almost wrapped around each other. “By the way?” he says into his ear. “Today’s a date.”

 

“What!” Hyukjae exclaims, flustered. His face heats up into a bright red as he stares at Donghae like he’s gone completely mad. Still, he doesn’t push him away, looking very much like he’s right where he belongs. “No, it certainly is not! What are you saying! You didn’t tell me anything about a date!”

 

Laughing loudly, Donghae squeezes Hyukjae’s hand. It earns him another pretty blush, and he just knows that Hyukjae is only protesting because of embarrassment. “We’ll see,” he winks at him.

 

Although it’s a weekday afternoon, the mall is swarmed with late Christmas shoppers and students on vacation. The crowd is dense and so loud that it drowns out the music in the background. After agreeing that they’d take a look around when it’s a bit quieter, they make their way to the tea house that Donghae mentioned. It’s a fancy little place that prides itself for its French concept and its wide selection of pastries. They find a vacant table to sit at, near the large windows, then order two hot chocolates and a large sample of cakes and crepes that makes Hyukjae’s eyes light up in excitement. As they wait for the waiter to come back, Hyukjae seems to sit up a little straighter in his chair, looking torn between impatience and curiosity, and Donghae just knows that he made the right choice to bring them here.

His hunch is confirmed when their order gets to their table and Hyukjae digs into each pastry with relish. Everything’s a bit too sweet for Donghae’s liking, except for a nice _éclair au chocolat_ that he has no hope of ever pronouncing correctly, but Hyukjae seems to enjoy himself and that’s all that matters to him. He watches him fondly, his elbow propped on the table and his chin leaning on his palm.

They chat idly together as they work through the selection of cakes. Donghae takes advantage of every opportunity that he finds to touch and flirt with Hyukjae. He tells him how good he looks today; brushes their fingers together across the table; confides how happy he is that they’re spending the afternoon together. Blushing and clearly embarrassed, Hyukjae only mumbles in response at first, until he finally opens up. Now he’s smiling and looking a little flushed, pleased by Donghae’s attention and all of his compliments. He preens and stands a bit straighter.

 

“By the way,” Donghae says eventually, as he runs his fingers along the back of Hyukjae’s hand, “there’s going to be another party for New Year’s Eve, at my place this time. My mom’s going to see some family in the south, so she left me her apartment. Do you want to come?”

 

“Is this what it’s going to be like with you then?” Hyukjae sighs in resignation. “Parties every week and all of that sort?”

 

Donghae snorts. “Yeah, probably? I mean, it’s fun. You don’t have to come every time though—only when you feel like it, you know. But it’ll probably be a small thing this time, so it’d be real nice if you could come, too.”

 

“Hmm, I’ll think about it,” Hyukjae shrugs.

 

Then, for some reason that Donghae really doesn’t understand, their conversation suddenly stumbles on relationships. It’s not quite the most strategic choice of topics, but before he can find a way to subtly divert it to safer grounds, Yunho’s name comes up and finishes to achieve him. He fidgets in his seat, uneasy.

 

“Well, he was—uh…” He blinks, trying to find an appropriate word that wouldn’t turn Hyukjae off forever. “—nice, I guess? Yeah, he was nice.”

 

Hyukjae eyes him skeptically, clearly not believing him. “Nice,” he repeats. “You were in a romantic relationship with Yunho, for over half a year, because he was ‘ _nice_ ’?”

 

“It does sound weird when you put it like that,” Donghae concedes, grumbling. “But really, there’s nothing special to it. It was nice between us but nothing more than just that, you know? So at some point we decided we’d be better off as friends.”

He shrugs awkwardly, then looks up at Hyukjae in challenge. “What about you then? Any ex-boyfriend or girlfriend that I should know about?”

 

“I only ever had one boyfriend before,” Hyukjae says easily, like he’s just laying out his facts on the table between them. To be fair, he probably thinks that he is. “We met in university—in our first macroeconomics lecture, to be exact—and we lasted about a year and a half, I believe. Maybe a bit less. He moved to the States to finish his studies.”

 

“Ah.” Donghae feels a rush of jealousy surge through him as he pictures a nameless someone holding Hyukjae’s hand, whispering sweet little nothings into his ear, kissing him deep and slow until his lips are red and swollen from it. The great beast comes back to life inside his stomach. It growls menacingly and prompts him to clench his fists. “Well, uh. That’s… nice, I guess?”

 

Hyukjae gives him a weird look. “Surely you didn’t think that I was some sort of innocent, untouched little flower, waiting to be picked?”

 

“No!” Donghae protests, alarmed by the direction that their conversation is taking. “I just… didn’t want to think about it.”

 

“About _what_ exactly?” Hyukjae snaps, looking about to be very offended. He draws himself up to his full height—which isn’t that much at all, no matter what he might think—, then crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Donghae challengingly. “ _Well_?”

 

“About someone else kissing you, alright?” Donghae finally snaps back.

 

A stunned silence drops onto them. Hyukjae looks as taken aback as Donghae feels, eyes wide and gaping slightly. He darts his eyes away for a moment, a deep blush coloring his face, then looks back up at Donghae tentatively.

 

“Oh,” he clears his throat. “Well, that’s—… that’s what it is, I suppose.”

 

“Yeah,” Donghae laughs wearily. He, too, barely dares to meet Hyukjae’s eyes.

 

For a long moment, neither of them says anything. Donghae finishes his hot chocolate, which has turned lukewarm, while Hyukjae fiddles with his teaspoon. An odd combination of awkwardness-hope-excitement seems to have settled over them, waiting for someone to make it sparkle and explode. Donghae has half a mind to do it—to finally make it _happen_ —but he stills feels too shy from his last confession to even think about it.

 

Then Hyukjae pushes his last bit of _éclair au chocolat_ towards Donghae. “Here,” he says softly. “I know it’s your favorite.”

 

“Oh,” Donghae smiles shyly at Hyukjae, feeling hopeful and warm and so many other wonderful things. “Thanks.”

 

Hyukjae grins back, all lovely and perfect. “You’re welcome.”

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out together in the mall, holding hands while chatting idly about everything that comes to their mind. An air of expectation hangs between them, light and heavy all at the same time. Donghae relishes in it—in the way that Hyukjae glances at him from time to time then hurriedly looks away before he can be caught; in the warmth of Hyukjae’s hand tightly held in his; in the way that each second that they spend together makes him want to kiss Hyukjae more and more.

When night eventually falls, Donghae brings Hyukjae back home. They decide to walk instead of taking the subway, and it takes them about half an hour before they reach his building.

 

“Thanks for walking me home,” Hyukjae says, offering him a small grin. “Today was really nice. I guess I’ll see you later, then?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Donghae smiles. “Maybe for New Year’s Eve?”

 

Hyukjae frowns pensively. “I’ll text you, alright? I need to check with my parents if they have something planned already.”

 

“Sure,” Donghae says, and then watches as Hyukjae turns around to leave.

 

Impulsively, before he even realizes that he started moving, Donghae finds himself reaching out and curling his hand around Hyukjae’s, holding him back. He leans closer, unwilling to let Hyukjae go just yet, then caresses his cheek softly, touching the corner of his mouth and tracing the moist seam of his lips. It makes his heart race inside his chest, and his whole body seems to ache for it; to beg for him to lean just that much closer so that he can finally kiss him.

Instead, Donghae whispers into his ear, “today was _definitely_ a date.” Then he softly kisses Hyukjae’s cheek.

 

Time seems to slow down for the briefest moment. Hyukjae releases a quiet gasp that they barely hear. Closing his eyes, Donghae slowly traces the sharp curve of his cheekbone with his lips.

 

“Goodnight Hyukjae,” he then says and turns to leave.

 

Donghae only makes about a dozen meters, when Hyukjae roughly pulls him back. He scowls hard at him for a moment, and then grabs him by his coat.

 

“What _was_ that?” Hyukjae demands. Without waiting for an answer, he yanks Donghae closer and firmly presses their mouths together.

 

His lips are soft and warm and angry—and _delicious_ , and _perfect_. Donghae opens his own, hoping for more, but Hyukjae pushes him back. He gives him another glare, looking irritated and daring and vulnerable all at the same time.

 

“ _That_ is how they say goodbye at the end of a date, _ugh_.” And then he spins around and stomps away with an explosive huff.

 

Donghae blinks at his retreating back, dazed. He touches his mouth with a trembling finger. Then he blushes furiously, and inside his chest, his heart is singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: hello there, my brave comrades! i really liked writing this chapter bc i feel like its still very much them? like i tried to make their relationship move forward without actually changing their personalities and interaction all that much, which is why donghae gets there late, as always, and thats why at first hyukjae's a bit no!! whats happening!! stop this at once!! they're such cuties... i just hope im not rushing their relationship too much? in my defense its bc i had to submit this fic on a deadline and i had to hurry up and finish it on time (which i failed at since i was like two months late or smth, omg), but anyway!
> 
> also hyukjae forcing a kiss on donghae bc donghae was too chicken to do it himself is such A Mood, i love their dynamics so much in this, its so cute rjieorzm
> 
> on another note i went to watch avengers endgame yesterday and it was Dope
> 
> so now that donghae and hyukjae went on a d-date together... what will happen??! they just kissed ??? omg ?? ! does that mean that they're b-boyfriends now ?????? 
> 
> please remember to upvote and comment hehe, thanks so much for reading, i love you lots!
> 
> ps: a friend pointed out to me that the description of hyukjae at the beginning of the section, where he's like wearing his scarf and coat and looking all soft, looks a lot like [this](https://twitter.com/thanhxuannie/status/1121529083312189445) (pls follow me? c: ) and: she has a point. cutie soft smoll hyukjae is the best hyukjae :c tps


	10. Chapter 10

Donghae releases a dreamy sigh as he and his friends line up in the Starbucks queue. Next to him, Siwon grins at him indulgently, while Kyuhyun and Heechul roll their eyes in exasperation. Yunho is here, too, and he only shakes his head and nudges him teasingly. Still a bit dazed, Donghae ignores them. He’d probably get offended in other circumstances, but tonight he finds that he really does not give a shit.

Because— _fuck_ , but—Hyukjae _kissed_ him. Donghae can hardly believe it. It’s been a whole day since his date with Hyukjae and yet the scene still keeps replaying in his mind like a broken record. He remembers the challenge burning in Hyukjae’s eyes—the softness of his plump, full lips pressed against his own—the sheer _desire._ Just thinking about it once again ignites something hot and hungry to curl inside his belly.

Donghae gulps and tries to calm down. It’s really not the time to get horny.

The queue then moves up a bit and Heechul pushes him forward. Donghae yelps in surprise, prompting his friends to laugh and snicker.

After toying with the idea of a movie and dinner since the beginning of the vacations, the five friends finally agreed earlier this afternoon to hang out, as a last-minute decision. They met up about half an hour ago and decided to get a drink before going to the theatre. It’s been a while since Donghae got to hang out with Yunho as well as his other friends, which is a nice change from quickly catching up at university.

The only thing is, Donghae is probably too lost in his own bubble of happiness tonight to pass off as decent company.

 

“Can I just say,” Kyuhyun comments lazily as they move further up the queue, “that you’re becoming a bit more and more pathetic every day.”

 

“Can I just say, that I really don’t give a shit,” Donghae retorts brightly. “Because, honestly? It was probably one of the best kisses in my _life_.” He releases another dreamy, besotted sigh. “Like— _really_.”

 

Heechul rolls his eyes, scoffing derisively. “The way I understood it, it’s not like you actually participated in it that actively, did you?” As he snickers, he shares a high-five with Kyuhyun.

 

Donghae glares at them. “Shut _up_. I was a bit surprised, alright?”

 

“I just hope it wasn’t Hyukjae’s _worst_ kiss of his life, huh,” Kyuhyun taunts mischievously, then yelps when Siwon swats him across the back of his head.

 

“Don’t be mean,” he chides, just as Kyuhyun snaps at him in indignation.

 

Yunho chuckles as he pats Donghae’s shoulder. He offers him a grin, then sobers slightly. His grip tightens almost menacingly around Donghae.

“You better not hurt him, yeah?” he says seriously. “Or you’ll have _me_ to answer to, young man.”

 

Donghae splutters, offended. He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at his friend challengingly. “ _You’re_ saying this, to _me_? Have I _ever_ been anything but a perfect boyfriend?”

 

“Hyukjae is more fragile than you might think,” Yunho reasons, and Donghae wants to retort irritably, _I know, ugh_. It’s a bit rich, isn’t it, that he’s being lectured by his ex-boyfriend on how to treat his hopefully-future-boyfriend. Then Yunho smirks, “also, I rather like to see the panic on your face every time that I mention your potential love life; it’s incredibly fun to watch.”

 

“We can all agree on that one,” Heechul pipes up, and Donghae punches him in the shoulder with a loud ‘ _hey!_ ’.

 

Soon it’s their turn at the main counter. After gathering his friends’ orders, Donghae gives a list of drinks to the barista. Her nametag says ‘Yoojung’. She grins brightly at him, then asks if there’s anything that he’d like—maybe a nice muffin or a slice of that chocolate cheesecake. Donghae declines politely, mildly distracted by his friends’ whispering behind his back. The barista nods and then says, almost shyly, “I’ll make all of your orders a size bigger; it’s on the house!”

Donghae thanks her with a mild grin. Then he pays for their orders and goes to retrieve them at the other end of the counter.

 

“Alright, let’s go,” he declares as he sips on his hot chocolate. “We should go buy our tickets for the next screening.”

 

The five friends step out of the Starbucks and into the cold, then head idly to the movie theatre.

 

Siwon nudges Donghae’s shoulder and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “She was _totally_ flirting with you.”

 

Donghae blinks at him in confusion. “Uh, who?”

 

“The _barista_ of course, genius,” Heechul rolls his eyes.

 

“They’re right, you know,” Yunho snickers along with the others. “She was definitely flirting back there. Though I can’t really say that I’m complaining about the free drink upgrade.”

 

Donghae tilts his head to the side pensively. “Was she really?” He can’t say that he remembers anything striking about her, besides her unusual chirpiness. “I just thought that she was really dedicated to her job.”

 

“Ugh, don’t talk to him,” Kyuhyun retorts. “He’s too obsessed with Hyukjae to think about anything else.”

 

Donghae wants to argue, really he does, except that it’s a bit true, isn’t it? He smiles, unrepentant. And then sighs dreamily.

 

*

 

Donghae only invites a few people to his New Year’s Eve party, which really is more of a low-scale type dinner. His decision is partly motivated by the fact that his mom would kill him if someone damaged her apartment, but mostly it’s because he doesn’t think that Hyukjae would enjoy himself that much if it was as crowded and noisy as the Christmas party. Plus, it’s always nice to host something a bit more low-scale yet homey from time to time. There’ll be good friends and good food, and that’s really all that’s needed for a good time.

Whistling under his breath, Donghae checks that he put enough beers to cool in the fridge, then throws a couple of alcohol snacks onto the coffee table in the living-room. He’s been tidying up the apartment for the best part of an hour now, alternating between lazing around and putting off cooking. Thinking that it’d be fun, Donghae told his guests to bring something homecooked to eat so that they wouldn’t wind up ordering delivery pizza and fast-food, and that they’d get bonus points if they make it themselves.

The problem is, it means that _he_ has to cook, too. And doesn’t _that_ make him regret opening his big mouth again? He vaguely thought about making handmade pasta after watching a Tasty video, but it’s getting late and he still didn’t make a start on it. It also doesn’t quite help that Donghae has no clue where his mom keeps the flour. His best bet is to open all of the kitchen’s closets and hope for the best, and so that’s what he does.

Exactly a quarter from six o’clock, Hyukjae rings at the door. Donghae feels his heart skip a beat as he straightens up quickly. He pats his hair down and checks himself in the reflection of a spoon, then rushes to open the door.

Donghae doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to it—but today, too, Hyukjae steals his breath away.

He’s already taken his coat off, revealing his outfit underneath; he’s wearing black skinny jeans and a white shirt that seems to be a size too big for his lean frame. The sleeves are so long that they reach all the way to his first knuckles. His hair falls neatly around his face, and Donghae suspects that Hyukjae fixed it while riding the elevator. The thought makes him smile.

Hyukjae looks all prim and proper, and Donghae has to resist the urge to muss him up. It’d involve a lot of kissing, and he really doesn’t think that the doorstep is the best place for that kind of activity.

 

“Hi,” Donghae says softly.

 

Hyukjae responds with a grin and a shy ‘ _hello_ ’ that leaves Donghae feeling a bit breathless. The memory of their first kiss hangs there, caught somewhere between the two of them. Sweet and fleeting, Donghae has half a mind to seize the feeling and turn it into their second kiss. They stare at each other for a long moment, tension thick in the air—until Hyukjae clears his throat.

 

“I made cookies,” he declares proudly and brandishes a Tupperware box.

 

“Oh, that’s great, thanks!” Donghae says as he ushers Hyukjae inside. “I’m making homemade pasta.”

 

Hyukjae hums curiously, following him into the kitchen. “I’ve never made homemade pasta before! How’s it coming along?”

 

“Uh,” Donghae grimaces sheepishly. “Thing is, I didn’t actually start? But, um, you’re totally welcome to help if you want.”

 

Hyukjae releases a long, resigned sigh. He eyes him disapprovingly and shakes his head. “Your lack of organization will never cease to amaze me.”

 

“It’s part of my charm.”

 

After Donghae finally finds some flour and a pack of eggs, he hands Hyukjae an apron so that he won’t dirty his clothes. Then they start to follow the Tasty video’s recipe instructions. They chat and bicker good-naturedly as they each make their own batch, and Hyukjae seems to take great pleasure in pointing out all of the mistakes that Donghae makes while whisking his eggs into the flour. He’s all ‘ _you’re mixing that mixture too aggressively_ ’ and ‘ _your eggs are going everywhere_ ’ and ‘ _look at all of those chunks in your dough!_ ’.

Donghae mostly rolls his eyes in response, fond and exasperated. Gratuitous criticism about his deficient skills seems to have become a recurrent conversation topic in their not-quite-relationship. Believe it or not, but he’s slowly getting used to it.

When Hyukjae points out that his dough is ‘ _definitely on the dry side_ ’, Donghae childishly flicks some of his flour at his face.

 

“Well I never!” Hyukjae splutters indignantly, then retaliates by throwing a bit of his own batter back at him.

 

A fierce fight then ensues. They laugh and shout loudly as they chase each other around the kitchen in turns. Flour and eggs and dough fly wildly across the room, and soon enough, they’re all but covered in pasta mixture.

Hyukjae looks flushed with pleasure as he deflects another of Donghae’s attacks. He’s holding his hands in front of him like a shield to fend him off. Little wrinkles appear at the corners of his eyes every time that he laughs, loud and bright and beautiful. Bits of batter are stuck in his disheveled hair, while a large streak of flour runs across his cheek.

In that moment, Hyukjae looks so good, so perfect, that Donghae can’t help but step forward and wrap his arms around his waist. He pulls him closer, until their chests are pressed warmly against each other. Looking a bit thrown by the change of moods, Hyukjae blinks at him. He instinctively rests a hand on Donghae’s upper arm.

 

“Hi,” Donghae says, smiling a little soppily. He leans closer and brushes the tips of their noses together. “I’d really like to kiss you right about now, if that’s alright.”

 

“I—well—I—…” Hyukjae stammers and blushes. “If you really must insist then I suppose that it is indeed acceptable.”

 

Donghae grins charmingly. “I do insist very much.”

 

Then he leans in and catches Hyukjae’s mouth with his own. His lips are soft and warm, a little moist—just _perfect_ , everything that he could ever have asked for. Groaning, Donghae tilts his head to the side and presses himself closer. Hyukjae releases a soft sigh of pleasure. It’s a lovely, enticing little sound that prompts something hot and hungry to curl inside Donghae’s belly, and—fuck—but he _wants_. He can’t get enough of it—of the fullness of Hyukjae’s lips against his own, of the fresh lemony smell that tickles his nostrils every time that he breathes him in, of the tingles and sparks going off in his lower stomach. Of the way that his heart flutters and aches and beats hard against his ribcage.

Feeling bold, Donghae flicks the tip of his tongue along the seam of Hyukjae’s lips. Hyukjae gasps out a moan, quiet and yet so tantalizing. _Fuck, this is perfect_ , Donghae thinks as he slips his tongue inside Hyukjae’s mouth, licking and tasting, running along the soft inside of his lips. Soon the kiss shifts from shy and careful, to deep, insistent. Hyukjae grips him tighter as Donghae rests a possessive hand around the small of his back.

Breathless and a little dizzy, Donghae eventually pulls back. Hyukjae chases him back almost unconsciously, eyes still closed. Donghae can’t help but catch his swollen mouth into another kiss.

 

“You taste a bit like flour,” he mumbles against Hyukjae’s lips. “And eggs.”

 

Hyukjae scrunches his nose up and pushes him away slightly. “That does not sound at all appealing.”

 

“It’s alright,” Donghae shrugs and flicks the tip of his tongue along Hyukjae’s lower lip. “You still taste like you.”

 

Blushing furiously, Hyukjae clears his throat and darts his eyes away for a moment. “Well, that’s—… that’s good, I suppose.” Then he narrows his eyes at Donghae warningly, “ _don’t_ you say it—”

 

“Why do you have to suppose all the time—” Donghae laughs when Hyukjae cuts him off with a noise of protest and a painful punch to the chest. “Alright, alright! I’m just joking!”

 

“It’s not _funny_ ,” Hyukjae snaps, but the corner of his mouth is ticking up in reluctant amusement, and Donghae just knows that he doesn’t really mean it. “Finish your pasta before your other guests arrive, you big oaf.”

 

It takes them some time admittedly, between kissing and bickering and then kissing again, but they do manage to finish their dough at some point. About an hour after leaving it in the fridge to rest, they start rolling it out and shaping it. Supposedly it’s tagliatelle, but really it just looks like uneven, lumpy strands of pasta. Hyukjae’s attempts are only marginally better than Donghae’s, but he still comments smugly on it at great length.

Just as they cook their first batch of not-tagliatelle, the bell rings. Donghae hurries to the door, while Hyukjae stays in the kitchen to watch over the pan. “I have complete control over the situation,” he assures him, looking very determined not to be defeated by harmless pasta. Donghae can’t help but lean in and kiss Hyukjae again.

As soon as Donghae opens the door, his best friends greet him loudly and cuss at him for taking so long. They shove a handful of Tupperware boxes into his arms, full of food that he highly suspects have been prepared by their respective moms.

 

“Where’s he?” Heechul asks loudly. “My best friend Lee Hyukjae!”

 

Despite Donghae’s best efforts and protests, Heechul makes a beeline for the kitchen, closely followed by Kyuhyun and Siwon.

 

“Wait,” he snaps at his friends, struggling to keep hold of the Tupperware boxes. “I said _wait_!”

 

But then Siwon bursts dramatically into the kitchen, startling Hyukjae out of his skin. “Hyukjae! My good friend!” he exclaims boisterously as he wraps him into a crushing hug. “What a pleasure!”

 

Bewildered, Hyukjae stiffens. He lets his arms hang awkwardly by his sides. “I—well, I—…” he stammers as he sends an alarmed look in Donghae’s direction.

 

Then, as if things weren’t already weird enough, Heechul ruffles Hyukjae’s hair and starts to talk his ear off about one thing or another. Siwon joins the conversation enthusiastically, either not noticing or ignoring Hyukjae’s bemused silence. Kyuhyun, meanwhile, always seems to coincidentally be in Donghae’s way to get closer.

Donghae glares at all of them irritably. They’ve had their fun and everything, _but what the fuck is happening?!_

 

“What are you doing?” Donghae demands to know. Kyuhyun only responds by not-so-accidentally stepping on his foot. “What the _fuck_ are you _doing_?”

 

“I’m sure we have no idea what you’re talking about; we’re just catching up with Hyukjae, it’s been so long,” Siwon says with an innocent expression, but Kyuhyun and Heechul are smirking smugly, and Donghae really wants to punch all of them in the face.

 

His friends are definitely messing with him, and he has a pretty good idea why. What’s more, they’re trying to make him _jealous_. And _fuck_ him, but it’s actually _working_. The angry beast’s come back to life inside his belly again, angry and irritable. It demands that they _stop_ , that they give him Hyukjae _back_.

The rest of the evening unfolds in a similar fashion. His best friends always seem to find a way to hog Hyukjae’s attention, while also skillfully keeping him away from Donghae. They talk and joke with him continuously—which is nice, really, Donghae’s so glad that they get along so well—except that he’d very much like to have Hyukjae for himself, too. Clearly his friends disagree with that sentiment.

Even when they sit down for dinner, Heechul and Kyuhyun insist that Hyukjae takes the seat between them. It’s only when Hyukjae says firmly, “I’ll be fine next to Donghae, thank you,” that they finally lay off a bit. Instead they wiggle their eyebrows suggestively at Donghae, who can only glare at them in response.  He doesn’t want to say anything until he has foolproof evidence that they’re indeed messing with him—and they _are_ , alright, he _knows_ they are—partly because he knows that they’ll take great pleasure in teasing him otherwise, but also because he doesn’t want to make a scene in front of Hyukjae. 

But _fuck_ , this is supposed to be _his_ evening with Hyukjae. Not _theirs_.

Dinner then moves on to hanging out in the living-room while waiting for midnight. They drink and go through the snacks that Donghae prepared, as well as the cookies that Hyukjae brought with him. Siwon compliments his baking skills extensively. Meanwhile, Kyuhyun asks for tips and makes ‘ _aaah_ ’ and ‘ _oooh_ ’ sounds—which is stupid, because he literally _never_ bakes.

Heechul then thinks that it’s the perfect timing to relate all of Donghae’s embarrassing stories. He tells the one where he fake-swims in the middle of the road—it’s always a party favorite—and Kyuhyun is more than happy to participate in the storytelling. By the end of it he’s breathless and doubled up in laughter. Next to him, Hyukjae eyes him a bit as if he’s gone mad.

To be fair, they probably all have.

Despite their eccentricity, Hyukjae seems pleasantly surprised with the attention that he’s getting from Donghae’s friends, if a little overwhelmed. They’re weird and loud, but they’re friendly and include him in their conversation effortlessly. It seemed to be mostly for the joke at first, but then it’s become almost natural, as if Hyukjae’s always been a part of their little gang. That’s technically what Donghae hoped for, so he can’t really complain.

Except that Donghae _does_ want to sulk a bit. He spends most of the evening pouting in a corner, under the amused eyes of his best friends and Hyukjae’s perplexed ones.

Close to midnight, his best friends decide that it’s about time to move their little party to the balcony, where they’ll be able to watch the New Year’s Eve fireworks. They leave Hyukjae alone for a few minutes, allowing him to go and sit down next to Donghae.

 

“Are you alright?” he asks worriedly. “It’s just, you don’t seem like you’re enjoying yourself quite so much.” Frowning uncertainly, he glances at Donghae’s friends who are complaining about the cold outside. “I didn’t mean to keep your friends from spending time with you.”

 

“Wait, what?” Donghae straightens up in alarm. “No, no—I—it’s not them that I—”

Groaning, he buries his face into Hyukjae’s throat and wraps his arms around his waist. Hyukjae hums in surprise as he leans into him. “It’s _you_. They keep talking to _you_ , and laughing with you and joking with you, and—… and I like it, really, I love that you guys are getting along so well. But I want you for _me_ , too, alright? You’re supposed to be _my_ date.”

 

“It’s ‘ _I want you for myself_ ’,” Hyukjae corrects automatically. He pokes Donghae in the ribs when he only grunts disinterestedly. “You’re really strange, did you know?” He pulls back slightly, ignoring Donghae’s noise of protest, then presses a hard, insistent kiss onto his mouth. “Of course I’m _your_ date, silly.”

 

“Oh.” Donghae blinks, blushing slightly and a little dazed. He doesn’t want to say that most of his brain cells shut down after that kiss, but really, they kind of did. “Well, that’s, uh—that’s good. Yeah.”

 

Hyukjae raises an amused eyebrow. “I’m glad that you seem to approve.”

 

“And maybe even your boyfriend?” Donghae asks a bit hopefully, a bit cheekily.

 

“Well.” Hyukjae clears his throat, blushing. “Maybe.”

 

Leaning in, he kisses Donghae again, all warm and soft and perfect. Donghae groans contentedly and presses himself closer. He opens his mouth to deepen the kiss, but—

 

“Come on, Hyukjae! It’s almost midnight, the fireworks are about to begin!” Siwon shouts from the balcony. Then he pokes his head around the door and sticks his tongue at Donghae. “No one cares about _you_ , though—just stay inside for all I care.”

 

“ _Argh_ ,” Donghae groans when he’s left again. “They’re so annoying.”

 

Hyukjae rolls his eyes, then stands up and pulls him along. “Come on,” he says, “I do want to watch the fireworks.”

 

Outside, Kyuhyun flutters his eyelashes dramatically while Siwon puts his hand to his forehead and fakes swooning. Heechul smirks, throwing an arm around Hyukjae’s shoulders.

 

“So who did you want to kiss at midnight?” he asks as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “I volunteer as tribute.”

 

“I’ll _punch_ you,” Donghae snaps and sharply pulls Hyukjae back to his side.

 

Heechul raises his glass of beer in a fake toast and snickers, “cute,” before wandering off to hang out with the two others.

 

“I _am_ curious, though,” Donghae whispers into Hyukjae’s ear. “Who are you kissing at midnight?”

 

“Jury’s still out,” Hyukjae retorts, rolling his eyes. “But I might have an idea.”

 

As the countdown for the new year starts, Hyukjae presses himself against Donghae for additional warmth. The clock then strikes midnight, and Donghae leans in to catch Hyukjae’s mouth into a long kiss, gentle and full of promises. Hyukjae sighs into it, tilting his head to the side to allow him better access, and he tastes like citrus and warm and perfect. Then Heechul, Siwon and Kyuhyun start to wolf-whistle them loudly, and Donghae decides that he’s had _enough_. He throws himself at them with a shout while Hyukjae tries to hold him back, looking alarmed.

The year starts in a loud ruckus, with the four of them laughing and shouting loudly at one another. It’s just the way that Donghae likes it best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys!! sorry for this slightly late update, i just got back from seoul yesterday (and it was so awesome and great and amazing) and i didn't have the strength to get on my computer to update ;u; i was so tired i literally just flopped down on my bed and slept the wholeeee night, omg
> 
> in this chapter i really tried to make hyukjae interact with donghae's friends, not only bc any occasion to have donghae acting all jealous over hyukjae is a plus, but also to show how hyukjae interacts with other people than donghae, you know? also yunho being protective over hyukjae is just bc hes a nice boy and a nice friend and he cares for hyukjae ok >:( at first i wanted to include him in the new year's dinner thing but i figured it'd make the scene too messy to work with lmao
> 
> anyway look at that!!!!!! they just had another date and it seems like they're finally d-dating ?????? like oFfiCiaLLy? ? ? omg ?????? congrats boy, iT WAS ABOUT TIME !!!! now whats going to happen with their relationship :o ?!! stay tuned !
> 
> thanks so much for reading, please remember to comment and upvote! i love you guys c:


	11. Chapter 11

Following a stern call from his mom, Donghae finds himself spending the last few days of Christmas vacation with his family in the south. The quiet little town where his grandparents live offers a nice change from the hustle and bustle of big cities. There’s no honking, or loud neighbors at four in the morning, or angry landlord lady that yells at anyone who forgets to wipe their feet on the doormat. Just empty fields of wheat covered in thick layers of snow and the occasional cow.

Donghae spends most of his time here helping his grandfather at his small convenience store, building snowmen in the garden, and pushing Donghwa into the sea. He gets thrown in a couple of times as well, and he can attest that it isn’t quite the most pleasant prank to suffer. It’s the middle of winter and the water is literally _freezing_. Still, it doesn’t stop the two brothers from messing around, sometimes out of proportions—case in point.

No one but Donghae and Donghwa seems surprised when they both catch a horrible cold. Their mom scolds them for a good half an hour, going on and on about how “ _you should have known better_ ” and “ _you’re so irresponsible, the both of you_ ” and “ _on the last weekend before university starts again, no less!_ ” She still cooks them a ton of delicious food and makes sure that they take their medicine, and that’s why she’s always been the best mom in the whole world.

Donghae is confined to bed for his last two days of vacation before he has to go back to his place. After some negotiation, he gets to relocate to the living-room. He also upgrades from browsing the Internet on his phone, to still browsing the Internet but also watching boring dramas for old people on the ancient television. Next to him, Donghwa is sprawled on the couch, asleep and snoring.

All in all, Donghae is pretty bored.

He’s just about to follow his brother’s lead and take an afternoon nap, when his phone rings a new text. It’s from Hyukjae. Just reading his name in his notifications is enough to chase away any kind of sleepiness. He straightens up, his belly twisting in excitement, then unlocks his phone. It’s just a simple “ _hello, how have you been? I tried to make mulled wine with mom again today, and it’s a lot nicer than the first time!_ ” but it’s enough to warm him up inside. Just for a moment, it seems like he’s cured, glowing, in perfect health. Until he sneezes, nearly knocking himself in the face with his phone.

Donghae replies to Hyukjae with a whiny ‘ _i’m so sick i feel horrible_ ’ and a bunch of sad-looking emoticons. Almost immediately, Hyukjae calls him and demands to know exactly what happened and how. He doesn’t sound very much impressed when Donghae tells him about scuffing with his brother and the both of them falling into the sea.

 

“Why do you insist on acting so immature all the time?” he wants to know, exasperated.

 

“But he _started_ it,” Donghae complains, as he puts his feet on the coffee table and turns the volume of the television down. He vaguely acknowledges that acting so childish only helps in proving Hyukjae right. “I’m just a victim.”

 

“I do not care whose fault it is! You’re just as bad as the other!” Hyukjae snaps, sounding irritable and worried. Then he sighs. “Just, _please_ get some rest, alright? I would have come over and taken care of you myself, but since you’re so far… well, there’s nothing we can do about it, is there?”

 

And fuck, but Donghae really wishes that he could teleport back to his apartment, just to have Hyukjae nurse him back to health and some more.

 

“Anyhow,” Hyukjae sighs, “I suppose I’ll see you on Monday. Do make sure to take your medicine properly; sleep a lot, too, and drink some ginger tea.”

 

“Yeah,” Donghae says. His heart gives a little tug inside his chest, aching sadly at the thought of hanging up.

It’s only been a few days since they last saw each other on New Year’s Eve. Although they’ve kept in touch through phone calls and texts ever since, it’s just not the same. Donghae can’t stop thinking about Hyukjae. He keeps remembering the amused tilt of his eyebrow whenever Donghae does something a bit silly; his fresh, lemony smell tickling his nostrils every time that he breathes in; the taste of his full lips pressed against his own.

“Hyukjae?” Donghae calls, sweet and hopeful, and Hyukjae answers with a soft hum. “I miss you, you know?”

 

Hyukjae doesn’t reply immediately—but when he does, he sounds pleased and a little shy. “Me too,” he says. “Take care, Donghae; I’ll see you on Monday.”

 

Just as Donghae drops his phone onto his stomach with a groan, Donghwa stirs awake next to him. Putting his feet up on the table, he pokes him in the ribs and eyes him curiously. “Was that your new girlfriend? Boyfriend? Paramour of neutral gender?”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Donghae laughs. “And for your information, it’s my boyfriend; his name’s Hyukjae.”

 

“Aww, look at you,” Donghwa coos teasingly. He reaches out and ruffles Donghae’s hair, ignoring his cry of protest. “My baby brother is in _looooove_.”

 

Spluttering, Donghae blushes furiously and punches hard at his brother. “What are you saying!” he exclaims as Donghwa keeps teasing him. “Ugh, _stop_!”

 

Donghwa kicks his thighs then digs his toes painfully into his side. “Look at you, acting so shy and innocent!”

 

Then a furious sound behind them startles the two brothers. Gulping, they turn around anxiously. Their mom stands by the couch, her eyes flashing fiercely, her hands resting sternly on her hips, as she glares down at her sons.

 

“ _What_ did I say about putting your feet on the table?!” she snaps hotly.

 

*

 

The second semester of university kicks off on the following Monday. For some cruel reason, classes start at eight o’clock sharp when the sun has yet to rise, which is pleasant for absolutely no one. Waking up has been a particularly painful experience so far, between turning off his alarm before dawn and bumping his shin into the coffee table on his way to the bathroom. Then he sneezes three times in a row. Clearly the world seems to be against him today. At that point, Donghae is seriously considering skipping the first period, no matter how irresponsible it might be.

But then he remembers that he has a breakfast date with Hyukjae before their first classes, and that’s enough to bring a smile on his face. Fuck, he thinks excitedly, but he really can’t wait. Maybe he’s being a little dramatic, but it feels like it’s been ages since they last saw each other. They kept texting over the weekend, with the occasional phone call here and then, but it just isn’t enough—or even the same.

Humming happily, Donghae goes through his morning routine without further complaints. He gets dressed and then heads out some time afterwards. The weather is cold and windy outside, chilling him to the bone; prompting him to shiver uncomfortably. The only incentive that holds him back from going straight back home, is the thought of finally kissing Hyukjae again—and so instead of turning around and giving up, he hurries to the nearest subway station. It takes about fifteen minutes before he reaches his stop, and another five until he finally finds the coffee shop where they agreed to meet up.

Hyukjae is already here, of course, early as usual. He’s standing a bit further away from the entrance door, leafing through one of those newspapers that people give out in the streets. Something about the way that he intently reads and frowns at today’s news is oddly endearing.

Donghae feels his heart speed up in excitement while a wide smile spreads across his face. He breaks into a run and pulls Hyukjae into a tight hug, lifting him up his feet. Hyukjae splutters in surprise. Around them, people stare in outrage and shake their heads disapprovingly, but they barely notice it.

 

“Stop this at once!” he exclaims in a high-pitched voice—but he’s laughing, too, hugging Donghae back. “Put me down!”

 

Donghae complies, smiling. Immediately after Hyukjae’s feet are back on the ground, he leans in and presses their mouths together. He kisses him long and sweet, pouring all of his piled-up frustration and need into it. Sighing contentedly, Hyukjae flicks the tip of his tongue along his lower lip, then slips inside.

 _Fuck_ , Donghae thinks as he groans softly—but it’s just as he remembers it, if not even better. Hyukjae tastes like winter and lemons, and also a bit like mint toothpaste. He smells lovely, too, and Donghae breathes him in like he can’t get enough. It makes something hot and hungry curl inside his stomach, aching for more, so much more.

He breaks away from the kiss some time afterwards. “Hi,” he whispers soppily. Hyukjae looks a little flushed, a little disheveled, as if he wants to disapprove such embarrassing behavior—in public, no less!—and yet can’t help but find it nice, too. It makes Donghae smile and press soft little kisses along Hyukjae’s cheeks. “Hi,” he says again.

 

“Hello,” Hyukjae replies with a tiny, pleased little grin. Then he sobers and frowns at Donghae sternly. “I must warn you though—none of this at university, is that understood?”

 

Donghae rolls his eyes. He knows Hyukjae well enough by now that he isn’t that much surprised. Of course Hyukjae would do his best to keep business and pleasure separate, especially in such a sacred place as university.

“You know what, I didn’t even think about it! But now that you mention it, it sounds pretty fun,” he jokes, which earns him a sharp glare for his trouble. Laughing, he kisses Hyukjae again. “I really missed you, you know?”

 

Hyukjae huffs and eyes him suspiciously. “Hm. Well, me too, I suppose.” Then he asks, “do you feel better, by the way? Are you still sick?”

 

“Nah, I feel loads better now,” Donghae shrugs. He gently brushes Hyukjae’s hair off his forehead, who shivers a little when his cool fingers graze his skin. “I didn’t mean to worry you, sorry.”

 

“I wasn’t _worried_ ,” Hyukjae protests, but he’s clearly lying, because in the next moment he’s resting his hand onto Donghae’s forehead and then nodding approvingly. “I wouldn’t want you to contaminate me on the first day back to university, is all! It’s your own fault for falling sick anyway!”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Donghae humors him, even though he isn’t fooled in the slightest. He gestures vaguely toward the coffee shop. “Should we go inside?”

 

After ordering hot drinks and a breakfast pastry to share at the main counter, they sit down at a vacant table. There they start to bicker around almost immediately, like they always seem to do when they’re together, while also chatting about their plans for the upcoming weeks. Donghae vaguely mentions hanging out with his best friends and some students parties that he’s been invited to. Hyukjae, on the other hand, talks about studying.

And, well. This particular conversation illustrates their respective personality rather well, doesn’t it? It’s a bit funny, really, to see how different they both are, and yet how well they seem to fit together. Technically they haven’t been together for that long, and it hasn’t been easy all along, but Donghae likes to believe that it was all worth it. Only time will tell, he thinks sagely. He hides a smile as Hyukjae continues to talk.

Pulling out his bullet journal, Hyukjae proudly shows off his revision schedule, which goes _all the way_ until the next exam session, in _May_. Not only that—but there’s also a color code, and deadlines, and performance targets for each month. Donghae feels a little faint just skimming through the pages; he just wants to ask, _how_.

Then Hyukjae excitedly offers to make him a similar schedule, and Donghae gulps in alarm. Fuck, but he has no idea how to decline politely, and after internally panicking for a whole minute, he ends up uttering an awkward ‘ _uh, that is_ ’. Hyukjae raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

 

“You better be prepared, Lee Donghae,” Hyukjae warns ominously. With flourish, he writes down ‘ _make a revision timetable for Donghae_ ’ in his urgent to-do list and underlines it thrice. “No boyfriend of mine shall ever—and I do mean _ever_ —have less than excellent grades under my watch.”

 

Donghae laughs nervously, and then proceeds to distract Hyukjae from this dangerous line of thought by kissing him thoroughly. He thinks that he’s doing a rather decent job at it, too.

 

That is, until Hyukjae checks the time and then promptly gasps in horror.

“Oh no!” he gasps dramatically, looking very panicked. “We’re going to be _late_!”

 

Ranting about the importance of not being late to class, especially for their first period of the semester, he ushers Donghae out of the coffee shop. Donghae rolls his eyes, a little exasperated, a little fond. He points out that they’d still have ten minutes to spare even if they stayed a bit longer, but Hyukjae doesn’t want to hear any of it. Instead he hushes him and urges him to walk faster.

 

“Well,” Hyukjae clears his throat after Donghae’s walked him to his classroom. “I shall see you later.”

 

He sounds so prim, so formal, that Donghae barely resists the urge to muss him up. It’d probably involve a whole lot of senseless kissing against the wall and far less clothes, which he doesn’t think that Hyukjae would appreciate all that much. Well, at least in that kind of situation. Hopefully he’ll enjoy it in other circumstances, _ahem_.

Donghae hides a smile as he reaches out and runs hand a hand through Hyukjae’s hair. He leans in, as if just wanting to get a bit closer.

And then kisses Hyukjae.

It’s only for a short moment, between a fraction of a second and the next, but he catches Hyukjae’s mouth with his own in a sweet, fleeting little kiss. It earns him a gasp of surprise, and when he straightens up, Hyukjae is blushing.

 

“Bye!” Donghae exclaims and then promptly runs off, laughing happily all the way.

 

*

 

For the first time in probably forever, Donghae gets to his first period not only on time, but _early_. Whistling, he goes to sit at his usual table, at the back.

Kyuhyun stumbles inside the classroom a few minutes after he does, looking like he just rolled out of bed and sleep-walked all the way to university. When he finally notices Donghae, he does a sharp double-take and then stares at him for long minutes, as if he can’t quite believe his own eyes.

 

Eventually he rolls his eyes and asks, “Hyukjae, I suppose?”

 

Donghae smiles. “I have no regrets.”

 

*

 

No one would be surprised to learn that romantic relationships do nothing to mollify Hyukjae’s intense dedication to studying. If anything, he seems all the more determined to double his efforts. At this rate he’s almost assured to graduate as head of their year—and probably of the world, too.

Donghae wouldn’t have minded much, really, except that Hyukjae has apparently decided to drag him along on his journey to academic excellence. As someone who’s always strongly believed in the benefits of bare minimum and slacking off, he’s a little skeptical. He doesn’t know whether to feel amused or horrified. However, his reticence seems to be the least of Hyukjae’s worries. He keeps nagging Donghae about homework and grades, sometimes even luring him to the library under the false pretense of study dates.

Except that Hyukjae meant _literal_ study dates, where they actually _have_ to study.

Donghae hoped for some kissing and touching, maybe even groping each other behind a bookshelf, and clearly he’s been mistaken, because all he’s done so far is glare mournfully at his books while Hyukjae enthusiastically writes notes and notes of revisions. Ugh, Donghae _hates_ study dates. He wants to cry a little just thinking about it.

What’s more surprising, is that Hyukjae isn’t above using bribery as a means to his end. He negotiates that he’ll give Donghae a reward of his choice every time that he produces satisfactory work. This results in thoroughly enjoyable make-out sessions, stiff cocks, and love bites blooming on the side of his neck.

Donghae doesn’t bother hiding those hickeys. Instead he proudly shows them off, ignoring Hyukjae’s rants that it looks inappropriate. Heechul mimes gagging in disgust when he notices them, and Donghae just shamelessly flips him the finger.

 

Today as well, Donghae’s been coerced into a studying session. They’re at his place, sitting at the coffee table, as they both work on their respective parts of the mini-thesis. Hyukjae’s promised a generous reward if he finishes at least three additional graphs, which seemed like a reasonable bargain at the time.

Except that it’s already been _hours_ since they started. Donghae deserves a break, really he does.

Wanting some attention, he pokes Hyukjae in the thigh, who only hums distractedly in response. Undeterred, he tugs insistently at his sleeve, and then pinches his shoulder. This time Hyukjae shrugs him off irritably. Donghae stifles a laugh. Sneaking an arm around his waist, he pulls Hyukjae closer, until he’s all pressed up against his side. His fresh, lemony fragrance tickles his nostrils every time that he breathes in, and he buries his nose into his neck, sighing out in pleasure. He presses a wet, lingering kiss on the smooth skin just behind his ear.

 

“ _Donghae_ ,” Hyukjae protests.

 

Donghae ignores him and continues to trace random patterns across Hyukjae’s neck with his lips. It earns him a breathy little noise, one that makes his lower stomach stir in arousal.

 

“Donghae, come on—just a few more minutes and then we’ll call it off, alright?”

 

“You’ve already said that half an hour ago. _And_ half an hour before that,” Donghae retorts lowly, as he cups Hyukjae’s cheek with one hand, then slowly flicks the tip of his tongue along his lower lip. “I want my reward.”

 

“You’re so _clingy_ ,” Hyukjae complains, before he pushes his laptop away and pulls him in.

 

Their mouths meet in an impatient kiss, and Donghae groans into it like it’s a deliverance. Then Hyukjae slips his tongue inside his mouth, and he tastes sweet like the cookies that they snacked on earlier, and also a bit like winter and snow. _Yes_ , Donghae thinks dazedly—yes, fuck, that’s _it_. It’s _Hyukjae_ —all warm and delicious and pressed up against him like he can’t get enough either. Donghae’s crotch aches with desire inside his pants, as their tongues flick and curl together. Warmth pools at the bottom of his stomach like liquid fire.

Soon they tumble over on the floor, gasping, laughing breathily into each other’s mouths. Donghae finds himself lying on top of Hyukjae, right where he belongs. He kisses him again, deep and slow, just the way he knows Hyukjae likes it best, then sneaks his hands under the hem of his shirt. His skin is warm and smooth like silk; he can’t help but graze his fingernails down the length of his spine to the small of his back. Hyukjae responds with a lovely moan that sends shivers running through his whole body.

Fuck, but Donghae’s so damn hard for Hyukjae already. He can’t get enough of the way that he gasps and moans and squirms sinuously under him, like he’s urging him to do more, like he’s daring him to.

Hyukjae half-opens his eyes to peer at him unfocusedly. His pupils are blown with lust, while a deep flush blooms across his face. Donghae curses under his breath, hypnotized.

Then Hyukjae thrusts his hips up invitingly, and Donghae feels like he’s on fire. “Fuck,” he hisses, almost as if he’s angry. “Fuck— _yes._ ”

Impatiently he fits their stiff cocks together and rocks his hips forward. Hyukjae gasps, moaning encouragingly. Donghae seizes the opportunity to slip his tongue back inside his mouth. Their hard lengths slide along each other once again, triggering sparks of pleasure to strike them hard from head to toe. Pleasure flashes across Hyukjae’s face as his whole body jerks in arousal.

They start to thrust their hips forward over and over again—as if they were fucking, but not quite. Donghae feels dizzy just thinking about it. He imagines slicking his cock up Hyukjae’s tight ass, or Hyukjae doing the same for him, sinking in with one sharp thrust.

It’s a bit amazing how much Hyukjae turns him on. Donghae’s always liked sex, and he gets horny pretty often, but usually it’s just a lingering thought that he either gives in to or ignores. With Hyukjae he doesn’t want to ignore it; wouldn’t even know how to in the first place. It’s like he’s a prisoner to the heavy weight of his own arousal, with no means of escape besides Hyukjae himself.

Hyukjae, who moans, gasps, groans—it’s like music to the ears. He digs his fingers into his arms when Donghae sucks on the tip of his tongue; moans when he mumbles filthy things into his mouth; arches up against him sinfully when he shifts his hips just right. He’s impatient and demanding, knows exactly what he wants.

 _Fuck_ , Donghae thinks. It’s so fucking _hot._ He’s always loved to have responsive lovers, and Hyukjae is just that, and it’s _perfect_.

 

Just as Hyukjae tugs insistently at Donghae’s belt, trying to unbuckle it, his phone starts to ring. They ignore it and it stops eventually, but then goes off again. Donghae grunts in annoyance.

 

“You should answer that,” Hyukjae mumbles hoarsely, and his lips are swollen and his pupils are blown, and he looks like he’s daring Donghae to eat him right up.

 

“Liar,” Donghae retorts. They kiss again, but his phone just _won’t stop ringing_. He swears. “ _Fucking_ —”

Grabbing his phone, he rolls them over until Hyukjae’s draped over him this time. His stiff cock is snuggled against Donghae’s thigh and it shatters his ability to focus.

“ _What_?” he snaps into his phone, just as Hyukjae presses his wet mouth to his neck.  

 

Kyuhyun sighs long-sufferingly. “In my defense,” he complains, “I didn’t want to call you at all, alright, but Siwon insisted! He says he booked a table and he doesn’t want us to be late because it’s rude, and I lost at rock-paper-scissors so I had to call you.”

 

Fuck, Donghae completely forgot about that dinner thing. By the looks of it, Hyukjae did too.

 

“Donghae?” Kyuhyun calls panickedly. “ _Please_ tell me you’re not having sex while I’m on the phone?”

 

“Well we were _trying_ ,” Donghae grumbles, then yelps when Hyukjae pinches his arm reproachfully. “Anyway, we won’t be late.”

 

“You’re _already_ late,” Kyuhyun points out. “Even if you leave now, it’ll take you twenty minutes to get here from your place, and our reservation is in fifteen. Siwon’s about to shit himself.”

 

As soon as Hyukjae hears that, his eyes widen in panic. “Oh _no_!” he exclaims and jumps on his feet. “He’s right, we’re late! Donghae! It’s all your fault—hurry _up_!”

 

“Wait—what are you— _where_ are you going?! And how’s it _my_ fault?” Donghae protests indignantly. “You were an active participant, too, I’ll have you know!”

 

Hyukjae ignores him and continues to run across the apartment to retrieve his things. Donghae just continues to lie on the floor, dejected and horny.

 

“I hate you,” he says sadly to Kyuhyun.

 

“It’s for the greater good,” his friend assures, before hanging up.

 

Donghae does not believe him for even one second. No greater good would ever justify the loss of Hyukjae’s warmth pressed up against him, or even the ache that pulls at his hard cock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello fellas! here's a new update to liven up your saturday hehe :) i really hope that you enjoyed reading!
> 
> this chapter was really fun to write. i think i wrote most of the sections pretty easily? which doesn't happen often lmao, usually it takes me ages to be really satisfied with a section and then move on to the next one. i think donghae's dynamics with his family are rly cute, i rly like them :/ donghae with his mom and donghae with his brother are likrjezklrjel the cutest, especially when donghwa asks about donghae's new relationship and when their mom scolds them for putting their feet on the coffee table. i don't know, it just feels rly homey you know? and hyukjae!! poor baby hyukjae is worried about donghae bc he fell sick,,,,, such cuties really.
> 
> i've tried rly hard in this chapter to show how their relationship shifted from hostility to tentative friendship to romantic relationship while also keeping their personalities real and as they are. i didn't want them to change drastically just because they had a new boyfriend you know? but at the same time they both make efforts to adapt to this new, very importatant person in their life, so its all a bit changing but also not!
> 
> and omg,,,,, fun times in the last section, but cut short by kyuhyun :/ the size of donghae's blue balls :/ must be painful,,,,,, hopefully......they can make up for it later?? who knows . do you know ? bc i know c: lmao
> 
> thanks so much again for reading, i really hope you enjoy! there's only two chapters and the epilogue left after this update, it's almost over :( please remember to comment and upvote pls heehhe i love you all!


	12. Chapter 12

News about Donghae and Hyukjae’s dating spread around university like wildfire. By the end of January, most of their school year seems to know about them. Donghae hears some classmates whisper about it around the campus—in class, in the hallways, even in the damn toilets—, while others just stare and point at them curiously. It’s rude, and annoying, and Donghae would really like them to stop. He doesn’t even understand how the news spread around so fast in the first place. Sure they kiss sometimes—at least whenever he manages to convince Hyukjae to let him steal a quick one—but they certainly don’t go around university showing off their new-found relationship. For one thing, Hyukjae would definitely kill him if he tried.

It’s only when Jungsoo gives them a congratulatory pat on the shoulder, eyeing them with a smug, gleeful smile, that Donghae finally understands. He and Heechul have always been very close; of course Heechul would run his mouth and tell only the biggest gossip of the whole student body. Donghae barely held back from strangling them both.

What’s more, people have started to come up to them to ask questions. Donghae turns them down, telling them to ‘ _mind your own business_ ’ and ‘ _just leave me alone, for fuck’s sake_ ’. On particularly bad days, he just tells them to fuck off.

Hyukjae, on the other hand, isn’t so pleasant. He’s always been difficult and prickly with people to begin with—but with his insane revision routine to follow, and their mini-thesis’s deadline just around the corner, he’s even worse than usual. Donghae’s plenty used to it now so he just takes it in stride.

For total strangers, however, it isn’t quite so easy. Hyukjae glares and tells people off so viciously and colorfully, that Donghae’s rather impressed when they don’t immediately run off crying. He probably would have, once upon a time.    

 

“That was so hot,” Donghae declares as Hyukjae stomps off, dragging him along. He just yelled at an unsuspecting pair of students right in the middle of the cafeteria; it was _awesome._ “Like, _really_. I’m so hard for you right now.”

 

“Shut _up_ ,” Hyukjae retorts. He throws his hands in the air exasperatedly. “I do not have time for this! I have revision to do and a mini-thesis to finish! And _you_ —” he snaps as he points a menacing finger in Donghae’s direction “—better finish your part _soon_ , or I will _hurt_ you.”

 

Donghae perks up hopefully. “Do you promise?”

 

“ _Ugh_ ,” Hyukjae exclaims and then makes explicit threats of violence while Donghae just laughs. 

 

*

 

Donghae might joke around quite a bit, but he knows that it’s extremely important for Hyukjae that they get a good grade for their mini-thesis. After all, it wasn’t so long ago that he found him curled up on the floor, in an empty hallway, looking terrified and about to burst into tears. Just thinking about it makes his heart ache sadly inside his chest. Damn it, but he never wants to see that look of vulnerability, of terrible panic, on Hyukjae’s face ever again. It’s even truer now that they’re officially together. If the sacrifice that Donghae must make is finally pulling his weight around this damn project, then so be it.

Now that he’s mostly stopped messing around, they finally make proper progress. The written report is now done for the most part. There’s still some work to do, of course, between finishing up the conclusion and proofreading one last time, but nothing much more than that thankfully. The final presentation is due in a bit over two weeks, which Donghae thinks is plenty of time to get ready, but Hyukjae’s already started to feel stressed about it, so he just shuts up and works as he’s told without complaining.

 

Tonight they’ve decided to study at Donghae’s place again. They’re sprawled comfortably across his bed, where they made sure to snuggle and make out a bit earlier. Then they set to work and have been at it for the past few hours. Now it’s dark outside, and a heavy snowfall has been raging for quite some time already.

Donghae yawns quietly as he leans back against his bedhead. He’s skimming through the report to find some inspiration for the presentation medium. Next to him, Hyukjae is hunched over his laptop and making a start on the conclusion. He’s frowning hard at his laptop screen, nibbling on his lower lip and looking a little harried. Spontaneously Donghae runs a comforting hand down his back. He keeps his touch light and gentle, making sure that it’s not too distracting, until Hyukjae finally relaxes.

 

“Okay?” Donghae asks softly as he rests his hand on the small of his back.

 

“Hm.” Hyukjae sighs and puts his laptop away. “I think I’m getting a bit tired.”

 

Donghae glances at the time on his phone. “It’s already half past eight.” He pulls Hyukjae close until he’s snuggled into his side, then presses a long kiss on his hair. “Maybe we should call it off for tonight, yeah?”

 

“I was almost done,” Hyukjae pouts dejectedly, even though Donghae knows that he wrote maybe two lines at most, “but I suppose you’re right.”

 

“Don’t look so disappointed,” Donghae laughs, to which Hyukjae rolls his eyes a little fondly, a little exasperatedly.

Then, just when Hyukjae’s about to stand up to get ready and go home, Donghae adds quickly, “it’s snowing really bad though.” He offers Hyukjae a winning, innocent-looking smile. “Maybe you should just stay over for tonight?”

 

Of course Hyukjae isn’t fooled in the slightest. Raising an eyebrow, he folds his arms over his chest and throws him an unimpressed look. “Really?” he asks archly. “This is the approach that you’re going for?”

 

Donghae wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, before he flicks their tongues together in a quick, deep kiss. “If it’s working then yeah, definitely.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Hyukjae declares, but he’s also smiling, looking rather pleased. “Do not think for a second that I don’t know exactly what is going on in that dirty mind of yours, Lee Donghae.” Leaning in, he bites down sharply onto Donghae’s lower lip, then soothes the sting with a lick.

“But yes, maybe you’re right and I should stay over tonight.” He glances out through the window and frowns at the raging snowfall. “The weather doesn’t look very promising, does it?”

 

“Yeah,” Donghae hums. “But you know what’s looking _very_ promising?” He yelps when Hyukjae pinches his shoulder hard. “Ouch! What was that for?!”

 

“Silly jokes will get you nowhere,” Hyukjae tuts.

 

They have a quick dinner, which really just consists of instant noodles and some leftover rice, to Hyukjae’s great dismay. Then they take turns to the bathroom to wash up. Donghae insists on going first, hospitality and common manners be damned, so that he can ‘ _clean up some of the mess_ ’ and ‘ _hide stuff_ ’. Amused, Hyukjae lets him go on with it. He rolls his eyes and says dryly, “you do realize that I’ve already used your bathroom before, yes?”

Donghae does realize. He just—kind of forgot, alright?

There’s just something about Hyukjae that always manages to fluster him, no matter how hard he tries to keep his cool. He doesn’t think that he’s ever experienced as much embarrassment as he’s had since they started hanging out. It’s not an unpleasant feeling, however, and it makes Hyukjae laugh, so who is he to complain?

Resigned to his fate, Donghae lends Hyukjae some of his pajamas to sleep in, then gives him access to the bathroom. He doesn’t want to say that he picked clothes that he thought Hyukjae would look best in, but really, he kind of did.

When Hyukjae comes out some time afterwards, he’s wearing Donghae’s favorite pair of joggings and an old t-shirt that’s much too big for his lean frame. It keeps slipping off his shoulders a bit, revealing smooth, milky skin and the sharp curves of his collarbone. His hair is still damp from his shower, while his cheeks are flushed with heat. A contented, relaxed smile is tugging lightly at the corners of his mouth, too, and it’s such a nice, lovely contrast to the anxious frown from a few hours ago.

Hyukjae looks so good—so tantalizing, so perfect and handsome—that it makes something hot burst alive inside Donghae’s belly. It curls and unfolds at an odd, uneven pace, down towards his crotch.

As soon as he’s in reach, Donghae pulls Hyukjae in and kisses him languorously. He smells clean, like honey and sweet wood—like _Donghae_. Sneaking his hands under his shirt, Donghae traces the lines of his ribs, grazes his fingers along the length of his spine, until Hyukjae gasps softly into his mouth.

 

“You look so fucking good in my clothes,” Donghae whispers against Hyukjae’s slightly swollen lips. He tugs a bit on his collar and mouths his collarbone, until it leaves a dark bruise on his flawless skin.

 

“You’re so strange,” Hyukjae says, looking very pleased by the compliment, then kisses him softly.

 

Then they move back to the bed and slip under the blankets. Donghae tries to convince Hyukjae to watch a Marvel movie, insisting that they should get ready for when the next one comes out. In the end he manages to win the argument, and they put _Infinity War_ on his laptop.

Rather unsurprisingly, their interest in the potential end of the universe is only short-lived.

It starts when Hyukjae snuggles into his side, fitting his head into the crook of his neck. He feels warm, perfect, and smells like he’s right where he belongs. Just the thought of it makes Donghae shiver from head to toe. He presses a lingering kiss on Hyukjae’s forehead, then wraps an arm around his shoulders, keeping him close.

Then Hyukjae traces random, uneven patterns across his chest. His touch is soft, terribly teasing, like an insolent and torturous caress. Donghae tenses in anticipation as his cock twitches in interest. He barely dares to move, secretly hoping for more, while Hyukjae’s hand wanders around his collarbone and down to his lower stomach, and then back up, as if he was looking for something in particular.

Finally Hyukjae tangles their legs together under the blankets. He shifts his body just right so that his hardening cock presses snugly against Donghae’s thigh.

 

“Turn off that laptop,” he orders as he latches his plump lips somewhere under Donghae’s ear and sucks. “You’re being incredibly dense for someone who’s always trying to get in my pants.”

 

Donghae curses under his breath, nearly dropping his laptop in his haste to put it away. His cock fills up eagerly in arousal, hot and heavy inside his pants. “I didn’t want to seem like I was just asking you to stay over so that I could fuck you.” 

 

“Who’s saying that you’ll be doing any of the fucking?” Hyukjae demands to know—but he doesn’t let Donghae answer and presses their lips together.

 

Donghae groans as Hyukjae flicks his tongue into his mouth. They kiss deeply, with a slow, aching intensity that seems to liquefy all of his thoughts. It takes a few seconds for his brain to start working properly again, but soon Donghae’s kissing back, sucking on the tip of Hyukjae’s tongue and curling it together with his own. Hyukjae moans into his mouth, pressing himself closer, so much closer—until he’s finally straddling his hips, nestling his hard cock against Donghae’s.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Donghae curses. His voice is tight, almost angry. Lust bursts alive inside his crotch, hot, aching. It’s almost unbearable, like a fire that burns— _ruins_ everything in its way. Seeking more friction, more pressure, more of everything, he rolls his hips up instinctively. He cups Hyukjae’s ass, pulls him closer. And then they’re thrusting against each other, and their stiff erections are sliding together—and it’s so good, _so fucking good_ already. “Fuck— _Hyukjae_.”

Hyukjae only hums mildly in response. He brushes hot, damp kisses along every sensitive spot on Donghae’s neck, creating pleasure in his wake like he already knows all of the tricks and secrets to his body. The intensity of his kisses is deliciously unpredictable. Sometimes they’re sweet, soft, slow; sometimes they’re fast and almost unforgiving. He’s teasing and demanding all at the same time, whining whenever Donghae stops rocking his hips against him even just for a second. He knows exactly what he wants; responds to every little shift of Donghae’s body under him; knows how to play him as if he’s done it his whole life.

Donghae can’t get enough of it. His cock aches with desire, hard and leaking, as it strains against the insides of his pants. He keeps rolling his hips up over and over again, gasping every time that their dicks slide along each other, loving the way that Hyukjae’s eyes briefly flutter close whenever it happens.

Then Hyukjae takes off his shirt and throws it aside. At once Donghae’s vision narrows down on him—only him. The rest just seems to fade away in an insubstantial blur. Donghae stares hungrily at the wide expanse of Hyukjae’s smooth, milky skin, and at the dark bruise that he left on his collarbone with his mouth earlier. Hyukjae presses one hand against his stiff cock, rubbing himself, then licks his lips sensually. His muscles roll with subtle strength as he moves.

 

“Take it off,” Hyukjae says as he tugs at Donghae’s clothes. His eyes flash with impatience and sheer lust, and Donghae knows that he must look just the same, if not worse. “Come _on_.”

 

Donghae rolls them over until he’s the one on top. He takes off his own shirt and then pulls his pants down, staring avidly as Hyukjae does the same and kicks off his joggings. His cock slips out and rests heavily across his stomach. It’s lean and pink, already leaking a bit from the head, and Donghae bends down to lick the little beads of bitterness into his mouth. Hyukjae gasps, arching up into him.

 

“ _Oh_ ,” he moans.

 

“You want it?” Donghae asks lowly as he mouths Hyukjae’s hips, leaving another dark bruise on his flawless skin.

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Hyukjae says in a breath. He buries his hands into Donghae’s hair and tugs demandingly. “Yes—Donghae, come on—”

 

Donghae wraps his lips around him, earning a strangled cry. Hyukjae tastes salty-sweet, and just a tiny bit bitter. His cock is thick and hot and heavy against his tongue, dragging nicely along the insides of his mouth. It fits into his mouth better than any other one that he’s sucked over the years. He swallows Hyukjae down slowly, until the tip of his cock presses snuggly against the back of his throat, nearly gagging him, just the way that he likes it best. His lips are stretched wide around Hyukjae, and— _fuck—_ it’s so damn _good_. He drags his wet mouth up and down Hyukjae’s cock, humming around it in pleasure.

Hyukjae releases sharp cries and moans, and it’s like music to Donghae’s ears. It urges him to suck faster, harder— _more—yes, just like that—don’t stop—_ the way that Hyukjae wants it.

Hyukjae’s grip then tightens warningly around his hair. Ignoring his whine of protest, Donghae quickly straightens up and lets his cock slip out wetly of his mouth. It’s glistening with his saliva, flushed and swollen around the head, just beautiful. Donghae feels his own arousal ache almost painfully in his own dick.

 

“Fuck,” Donghae curses. He pulls gently at his cock, trying to soothe his desperation. “I want you _so fucking much_.”

 

“Yes,” Hyukjae says, breathless, as he watches Donghae stroke himself. “Yes—me too. Come on.”

 

As they kiss wetly and whisper sweet nothings into each other’s mouths, they somehow set out to look for lube and protection. When they find some, Hyukjae opens a condom, then slips it onto Donghae’s cock. He gives him a couple of long, teasing strokes, drawing beads after beads of precum from the tip, then presses his thumb into his slit. Donghae hisses, his hips thrusting forward instinctively. He’s already so close to coming that he has to grab Hyukjae’s wrist to stop him.

 

Hyukjae orders, “look at me,” and then spreads his thighs wide open. Pouring a bit of lube onto his fingers, he slowly pushes them inside his own asshole. “Oh,” he gasps, moans, shivers—and so many other wanton things that makes Donghae tremble from head to toe. “ _Oh_!” Hyukjae fucks himself open with his own fingers, stretching himself for Donghae’s cock.

 

_Fuck_ —but Donghae doesn’t know what to do with himself. He wants— _needs_ to fuck Hyukjae so damn much that it almost _hurts_ now. He can feel it in his cock, pulsing hot and lewd—but also in his whole body—this intense desire to bury himself inside Hyukjae’s ass, to fuck him into the bed senseless.

 

Finally Hyukjae says hoarsely, “come here,” and he has no choice but to obey.

 

As he slicks himself with more lube, Hyukjae demands ‘ _kiss me_ ’. Donghae obliges, flicking and curling their tongues together into a filthy open-mouthed kiss.

And then he’s finally sinking inside Hyukjae—sinking home right where he belongs. He only stops when his balls rest snuggly against his ass. It’s so hot—so tight— _so fucking good, yes_ —that Donghae almost comes right away. He holds himself very still, cursing under his breath over and over again.

Soon Hyukjae starts to squirm impatiently and Donghae clicks his tongue at him.

 

“ _Stop_ it,” he snaps, slapping his ass. Hyukjae gasps and only writhes harder. “I’m going to fucking come if you don’t _stop_ _moving_.”

 

Hyukjae releases a breathy laugh. Licking his lips, he wriggles his ass tentatively—and— _fuck_ —but Donghae’s going to fucking _come_ —he’s such a fucking _tease_.

“That’s a bit counterproductive, isn’t it, seeing as moving is precisely the whole point of this exercise.”

 

Donghae groans, then leans in to flick his tongue inside Hyukjae’s mouth and kisses him deeply. “It’s so fucking hot that you still manage to talk so smartly even when I have my cock up your ass.”

 

Finally he starts to move. He goes slow at first—but Hyukjae has none of it. Whining, he digs his heels into Donghae’s thighs and urges him to move faster, harder.

“Come on,” he taunts him. “Come on, _fuck me_ —”

Maybe it’s the way that his voice’s started to sound slurred with lust—or maybe it’s the way that he whispers dirty, incoherent words into his mouth—but Donghae can only give in to his wish. He snaps his hips forward, fast, sharp, over and over again—

—until he finds the right spot that makes Hyukjae’s whole body arch up from the bed and his eyes roll to the back of his head.

“Yes— _fuck—_ ” Hyukjae whimpers, gasps out breathlessly, “yes—Donghae, right here— _yes—_ ”

His fingers dig painfully into Donghae’s flesh, scratching his skin raw. His ass clenches around his cock erratically. He meets every thrust with enthusiasm, desperation— _more, more, more_. He seeks his own pleasure and forcefully drags Donghae along into it.

Donghae can’t get enough of it. Hyukjae looks so beautiful, so gorgeous, _fuck_. He looks like he stepped right out of a wet dream. His eyes are unfocused and blown with pleasure, while his lips are swollen, wet from Donghae’s saliva. His skin is covered with a light sheen of sweat that Donghae can’t help but taste with his tongue. A deep flush colors his face as he throws his head back wantonly.

Donghae stares hungrily at Hyukjae’s lovely expression, as he continues to drive his cock hard inside his ass over and over again. He leans in, pausing in his thrusts, just to take his sweet time and kiss Hyukjae slow and deep, until he’s panting into his mouth. Then he curls his hand around Hyukjae’s stiff, leaking dick.

“Yes,” Hyukjae urges him impatiently when Donghae starts to pull. “Fuck— _yes, yes, yes_ —”

And then they’re at it again, fucking with abandon, fucking wildly, passionately, like they never had before. Donghae forgets all about the rest. He only knows about the present moment, about his cock sinking into Hyukjae’s tight ass over and over again. His balls draw up and tighten a bit more with each shove of his hips. Pleasure pulses hard within him, rippling through him in wild waves that take his breath away. It builds, and builds, and _builds_ , threatening to tip them right over the edge between pleasure and climax.

Until it explodes abruptly.

Hyukjae releases a strangled, soundless cry as he comes all over Donghae’s hand. His body writhes sinfully as he bites hard into his shoulder.

 

“ _Shit_ ,” Donghae swears loudly. Pain and pleasure blend together until it’s just a mass of burning heat in his crotch. Hyukjae’s asshole tightens around his cock, prompting him to thrust harder and harder—faster and faster.

 

Hyukjae then drops back down onto the bed, looking blissed out. His eyes are only half-open, and some saliva is trickling down the corner of his mouth. He looks so lewd, so wanton, so well fucked. _So fucking perfect_.

It only takes one—two—three more wet slides of his cock inside Hyukjae’s ass—and finally Donghae comes. His balls draw up tightly into his body, clench hard—before his cock releases thick, warm spurts of cum into the condom.

All of his senses are immediately overwhelmed. Pins and needles seem to burst alive all over his skin. His heart nearly stops inside his chest as his whole body tightens up from the surge of pleasure crashing into him. White stains blur his vision, and air gets knocked out of his lungs. He trembles from head to toe, crying out as waves after waves of _pleasure—yes—fuck—Hyukjae_ roll over him.

It’s all so fucking intense that it’s almost _painful_.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Donghae moans as he continues to thrust into Hyukjae, riding out his orgasm as long as he can. Hyukjae just stares up at him with half-lidded eyes and whispers with filthy words of encouragement at him. “Fuck _—Hyukjae—_ ”

It takes Donghae some time to come down from his high. When he’s calmed down a bit, he flops down next to Hyukjae. He takes off his condom and throws it away.

“Why do I feel like I’m the one who’s been fucked even though I was doing all of the fucking?” he wonders, panting.

 

Hyukjae laughs. Sighing contentedly, he closes his eyes and snuggles into him. “You’d best get used to it.”

 

Donghae laughs, too, and then kisses Hyukjae sweetly, until they’re both sighing out contentedly. “I guess it’s not too bad,” he says.

They cuddle up together and kiss some more, bickering in quiet whispers, laughing softly into each other’s mouths. The aftermath of their climax continues to roll off their skin and seems to take its sweet time to fade away, as they nestle close to each other.

Hyukjae feels so very warm within Donghae’s arms, like everything that he’s ever asked for. He buries his nose into his hair and breathes him in, and Hyukjae smells like shampoo, sweat, and Donghae. It’s tempting, exhilarating—but also soothing in a way that he isn’t quite used to. His heart aches happily inside his chest as he hugs Hyukjae closer.

_Maybe this is what it feels like to be with my someone_ , he thinks drowsily.

It’s on that sweet, thrilling thought, that they soon fall asleep in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys!!! thanks so much for 500+ subscribers!! its so amazing and it really meas a lot to me that you guys are still sticking around reading my silly stories and new readers are up to join the journey ;; thank you all so much, really!! i love you so very muchly hehehe!!
> 
> so this is part xii of tbatty! i-i hope you enjoyed the sexy sex?? it took me so long to write but in the end i think i really like how it turned out? it was rly nice to write when hyukjae gets stressed over writing the mini-thesis conclusion and donghae just knows instinctively how to comfort him without even saying a word ;; i just thought it was so sweet you know? but then the part where theyre having dinner and then hyukjae goes to take a shower in the bathroom was an actual Nightmare to write. i just don't know why but i spent maybe days on those first paragraphs bc i didn't know how to write it Good you know?
> 
> anyway then there's the Smut!! hyukjae going all out and topping from bottom is just what i live for you know ? before someone starts bitching about haehyuk and hyukhae and whatever , i don't really give a shit about those? i have a slight preference for haehyuk but honestly i like both? i've written both and i will keep on writing both, so. yeah. anyway i hope you foudn the smut nice!!! i dn't know why, smuts are always the hardest parts of a story to write, at least in my case. i guess its bc i don't want to write smth just smutty, but also emotions-y???? i don't know HAHAHAHA but pls tell me what yuo think !!!!!
> 
> next chapter will be the last :((( and then epilogue and i'll have finally wrapped up another story cries, im so sad just thinking about it......
> 
> i'll update the intern soon probably, i cldn't write or even sit down and chill for more than 30mn this week bc work has been hectic but it shld get a lot better next week!!!!! so c: pls look forward hehehe
> 
> anyway, thanks so much for 500+ subscribers again, please remember to upvote and comment, i love you all!!!!!! lots of hugs and kisses


	13. Chapter 13

Donghae startles awake when sharp fingers pinch his waist. They twist his flesh hard, and he sits up abruptly, yelping. His blankets slide off him and pool onto his lap, prompting him to shiver when cold air surrounds his naked chest.

“What?” he slurs drowsily, disoriented, then meets Hyukjae’s unimpressed eyes. “What’s happening?”

 

“I’ve been trying to wake you up for _ages_ ,” Hyukjae huffs reproachfully. Then he says, “hurry up and get ready. We’re going to be _late_.”

 

Donghae releases an incoherent gurgle of despair. He flops back onto the bed and checks his phone, then groans when he realizes that it’s still early morning. His alarm clock is only set to ring in an hour.

“It’s so _early_ ,” he whines. He wraps an arm around Hyukjae’s waist and buries his face into his thigh. “Come back to bed. We only need, like, twenty minutes to get to uni from here.”

 

“But what about breakfast?” Hyukjae frowns.

 

Donghae just shrugs, his eyes drooping down in sleepiness. “I don’t eat in the morning; I just wake up, wash up, and then I’m off.”

 

“Surely you must be joking!” Hyukjae gasps, looking very much appalled. “That is terribly unhealthy, you know!”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Donghae mumbles noncommittedly as he tugs insistently at Hyukjae’s waist, until he finally lets himself fall back onto the bed next to him.

Their eyes meet in a long, intimate look—one that’s loaded with silent words that they don’t dare to say aloud yet. Instead a mass of untold feelings just hangs here. It’s lost somewhere in-between their naked bodies, barely unreachable. And yet they have no desire to rush it. For now, it’s just the two of them, cuddled up together under warm blankets, bare skin pressed against skin, and the brackish smell of sex, sweat and sleep tingling their nostrils.

Then Donghae leans in and catches Hyukjae’s lips with his own. Their tongues curl and flick together into a slow, heated kiss that prompts pleasure to spark alive inside his crotch. He runs his hands down Hyukjae’s back, then settles them just above the curve of his ass. His cock starts to fill up in interest, and he thrusts his hips forward invitingly.

“Hi,” he whispers into Hyukjae’s mouth. “Good morning.”

 

“Hello,” Hyukjae replies just as quietly. He slides closer, sighing out contentedly as they slowly rock their hardening cocks against each other. “We really should get ready for university.”

 

“It’s fine, we’ve still got time,” Donghae retorts.

He brushes his mouth along the curve of Hyukjae’s neck, mouthing his smooth skin hungrily until it’s covered in dark, possessive bruises. His hands run all over his heated body and search for sensitive spots that he didn’t have time to discover last night. He does find them, one after the other—under his armpits—his pert, pink nipples—on the inside of his thighs, near his crotch. When he touches them right, each one of them earns Donghae a series of gasps, moans, mewls—and so many other things that sets his skin on fire.

Then he reaches down and wraps his fingers around Hyukjae’s stiff cock. His hips bucking forward uncontrollably, Hyukjae gasps loudly into his mouth. Donghae starts to drag slow jerks up and down his dick, and he can almost see the moment that Hyukjae’s protests vanish from his mind. Suddenly there’s this odd urge between them to make love again, to feel that intense pleasure rippling through them once more. To make sure that it was real, that it’s still real.

Soon Donghae finds himself lying on his back, his thighs spread wide as Hyukjae slides wetly into his asshole. His body jerks on its own, wanting more. The mix of burn-pleasure-pain of his cock sinking inside him makes him nearly delirious with desire.

Hyukjae fucks him at a slow pace, with strong, sinuous rolls of the hips that make his eyes roll back in bliss. Shivers run all across his heated skin every time that Hyukjae drives his thick cock up his ass. He hits a spot inside him that makes him tense and gasp deliciously. It stains his vision with white stains, blinds him. Pleasure ripples through him in lazy, intense waves. It brings him all the way to the edge of orgasm, but keeps him just there, unable to tip over. No matter how much he moans, how much he begs and pleads, Hyukjae never goes any faster or harder. He just stares avidly at Donghae’s desperate expression and fucks him as he pleases. His hand is wrapped around Donghae’s cock, pulling lazily at it.

Donghae hates it— _fuck_ , but he’s already _so close_ —but he also loves it. He’s always had a thing for giving up control and being at someone else’s mercy. Hyukjae makes it perfect, does it just the right way so that Donghae feels desperation and pleasure mount all at the same time.

Time seems to slip away as they fuck slowly. They take their sweet time, feeling no urge to give in to impatience like they did last night. It’s just the two of them moving together, gasping, moaning into each other’s mouths, as Hyukjae continues to sink his thick cock up Donghae’s ass over and over again.

Then they’re finally coming, and Hyukjae releases a soft sigh against his lips as he releases himself into his condom. Donghae’s brain seems to shut down on its own, and his whole body tightens up. He releases a strangled cry, digging his fingers hard into Hyukjae’s arms, as his climax suddenly slams into him. It’s such an abrupt contrast to their slow, sweet fucking, that for a second he’s worried that he’ll faint. Finally he comes all over Hyukjae’s hand—and— _fuck_ —Donghae can’t breathe anymore.

 

“We really should get ready now,” Hyukjae mumbles after he’s thrown his condom away.

 

Donghae curls into him, resting his head on his shoulder. Shivers continues to prickle his skin and he sighs in pleasure. He kisses Hyukjae again, then hums drowsily, “yeah, in a minute.”

 

*

 

It’s to no one’s surprise that they do end up late to class. Hyukjae, of course, is furious. He rants at Donghae all the way to university, in the subway and as they rush through the streets, going on and on about ‘ _unprofessionalism_ ’ and ‘ _if they expel me, I swear_ ’ and ‘ _couldn’t you keep your cock in your pants just for one minute?!_ ’.

Donghae mostly stays silent. Although he’s very sorry that they’re going to be at most three minutes late to their first period—really, he is—, he can’t help but think that it’s a bit funny, especially considering how enthusiastic Hyukjae had been earlier when driving his cock hard up his ass. He does value his life, however, so he just hums noncommittedly at the right times, and hides a smile.

 

*

 

“Is that your clothes that Hyukjae’s wearing?” Siwon wonders later that afternoon, after they’ve all met up in the patio to study.

 

“Hmm?” Donghae distractedly looks up from the presentation medium that he’s working on. Then he glances at his friends. Siwon’s seated next to him on the same couch, while Heechul and Kyuhyun are sharing the one just across. Hyukjae took the only armchair, declaring that there’s no way that he’s sitting next to Donghae, since he’ll just distract him.

Donghae smiles, secretly pleased. His tight-knit group of friends went seamlessly went from four to five, after Heechul, Siwon and Kyuhyun began to include Hyukjae in all of their activities without question. They have lunch together, hang out after class, go to the movies on weekends—and so many other things that makes Hyukjae feel like he finally belongs.

Then Donghae remembers that Siwon asked him a question. He can’t remember what it is. “I mean, uh—what?”

 

Siwon nudges his elbow insistently. “Hyukjae’s clothes,” he repeats quietly. His eyes widen in glee. “They’re _yours_ , right?”

 

Donghae looks at the way that Hyukjae seems to drown in his favorite hoodie. It makes something hot and hungry pool hungrily at the bottom of his stomach, and he has to bite his lips to calm down. “Yup,” he says simply.

 

“You look happy,” Siwon comments. He nudges Donghae again and smiles indulgently. “So then, Hyukjae, huh?”

 

Donghae smiles back. “Yup.”  He doesn’t think that he’s ever felt this happy and complete before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oOPS i only just remembered that its saturday rjekalrjea hello, how are you all? c: so this is another pretty short chapter, probably even shorter than part vi! but then there's a smut so maybe i could be forgiven? c:
> 
> i hope that you enjoyed this chapter! the last update will be the epilogue, i feel so sad already about completing this fic :/ it really took me so much time and effort to write this, and i enjoyed every moment of it, and having to put an end to this adventure really makes me sad... but anyway, i'll word vomit my thoughts in the epilogue's a/n, haha!
> 
> please remember to upvote and comment, it really means a lot to me! thank you so much , i love you all!


	14. Chapter 14

The following weeks slip by in a flurry of kissing, love-making, and—rather regrettably—studying.

Donghae would like to say that now that he’s happily in a relationship, the rest just seems inconsequential in comparison, but really, that would be lying. He still has exams to take, a degree to graduate from, and, hopefully, a job to find. Whenever he forgets about it for even a second, Hyukjae is here to remind him right away.

Thankfully enough, between the two of them they manage to finish off the report without much difficulty, with plenty of time to spare for a thorough final proofreading. They also complete their presentation material fairly easily, as Donghae has always rather enjoyed formatting documents. Hyukjae had been so pleasantly surprised by the result that he rewarded him with a terrific blowjob that he’ll remember for a long, long time.

All in all, they’re definitely ready for their presentation. Donghae would be highly surprised if they don’t get one of the best grades in the class.

Unsurprisingly Donghae’s confidence that everything will go well does nothing to ease Hyukjae’s stress.

The economics class during which they’re expected to present is only scheduled for later in the afternoon. Even though it’s still early in the morning, Hyukjae already looks like a right mess of nerves and anxiety. He keeps checking his watch every now and then, gulping nervously under his breath as he stares at the time ticking by. His hands are twisting together into painful-looking angles. His whole body is tense as he keeps bouncing up and down on his feet.

It only gets worse as the day slowly goes by. By mid-afternoon, Hyukjae has nibbled so hard on his lips that they’ve become a little swollen. He’s so on edge that he’s lashed out against the few people that were stupid enough to come too close. He’s taken to reciting his presentation speech under his breath over and over again, a rush of hushed words flowing out of his mouth, and then panics every time that he forgets even a single word. A restless frown creases his eyebrows and pulls the corners of his mouth into an agitated grimace. His breath is becoming more and more ragged, more anxious, like he’s about to burst into tears.

Donghae feels his heart ache painfully every time that he sees such raw panic flash across Hyukjae’s face. He’s fairly nervous, too, and it’s not a pleasant feeling. He can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for Hyukjae. The urge to reach out and pull him into a hug—to just be here for him, like a silent, reassuring anchor—tugs at his insides. He wishes that he could do more—something, anything—but Hyukjae seems so wrapped up in his own anxiety that it becomes hard, even for Donghae, to get through to him. But he keeps on trying, over and over again, never giving up.

 

Hyukjae starts to fidget nervously again as they make their way to the economics classroom together. Spontaneously Donghae rests a hand on the small of his back—a weight that he hopes to be warm and reassuring, instead of distracting. For a second Hyukjae tenses and his eyes flash dangerously, like he’s about to lash out once more. Then he takes a deep breath and finally leans into him. Squeezing his eyes shut, he exhales slowly, very slowly. He glances at Donghae and mumbles a quiet ‘ _thank you_ ’.

 

Donghae smiles softly. “It’s fine,” he tells him. “I don’t mind.”

He really doesn’t. If there’s at least something that he’s learned over the time that they’ve spent together—from the rough beginning of their group project and all the way to their new-found relationship—it’s that Hyukjae is who he is, and there’s no point in trying to change him. He just happens to be particularly anxious about his academic performance. While Donghae won’t pretend that he understands, he can try his best to help Hyukjae through his nervousness.

 

“Oh _no_!” Hyukjae blurts suddenly. He whips around to stare at Donghae in horror, eyes wide in panic. “We forgot to put our slide show on a USB key!”

 

“No, we didn’t,” Donghae placates him. He wraps his arm around Hyukjae’s waist and squeezes gently. “I added it on my key two days ago, remember? And then I put it on your key as well—which is in your bag—so that we’d have a backup one just in case I lost mine.”

 

“Oh. Well, that’s good.” Hyukjae frowns, looking very troubled. Then he whimpers, “I’m so _nervous_.”

 

“It’s fine; _you’re_ fine,” Donghae tells him, and he means it every time. “It’s almost over, alright? Just remember that you _are_ ready for it. You’ve worked so hard and you’ve been practicing for days now; there’s no way that you’ll get anything else but an excellent grade.”  

 

Hyukjae narrows his eyes at Donghae suspiciously. “ _We_ worked and rehearsed for it _together_.” He waves an accusing finger at his face. “Do not think for a second that you’ll get out of this, Lee Donghae!”

 

Donghae laughs and rolls his eyes. Under his hand, Hyukjae relaxes minutely. “It’s not what I meant, and you know it.” He nudges him playfully. “Anyway you’d probably kill me if I ever thought about not doing the presentation.”

 

“I would probably do a lot worse than just kill you,” Hyukjae admits, and Donghae believes him.  

 

Hyukjae starts to recite his speech again just as they reach their classroom and wait for the ongoing period to end. He wraps Donghae’s arms around his shoulders and snuggles into him, his back pressed against Donghae’s chest.

Smiling, Donghae leans in to press a soft, lingering kiss just behind his ear. Inside his chest, his heart throbs longingly.

It’s been doing that every now and then for a while, and he doesn’t know what it means, or maybe he just doesn’t want to think about it yet. But it’s there, this ever-present mass of feelings, taking up more and more space inside his body. It keeps tugging at his heartstrings whenever they’re together, and every time that they kiss. It pulses in yearning when Donghae simply thinks about Hyukjae.

Donghae hasn’t brought it up yet, but there _is_ something, and he knows that Hyukjae feels it too. This thrilling, scary weight of unspoken feelings for each other. It’s just right here, hanging somewhere in-between them, growing and growing. And then one day it’ll be so big that they just won’t be able to ignore it anymore.

But for now, they can only wait.

 _Maybe this is really what it feels like to have someone_ , Donghae barely dares to think, in the intimacy of his own thoughts. Maybe, just _maybe_ , Hyukjae is the someone who will stay by his side—someone who’ll challenge him every day, who’ll hold his hand and make him smile and know all about him. Someone that Donghae will be eager to come home to.

Hyukjae doesn’t know all about Donghae yet—but he’s getting there. He doesn’t only make him smile; he makes him _laugh_ , like no other ever before. He’s probably the most challenging relationship that Donghae’s ever had, romantic or otherwise. And— _fuck_ , but Donghae’s already so eager to see Hyukjae every day, when he wakes up, when he goes to university—so eager to touch him, kiss him. He wants to make Hyukjae laugh and admire the way that the corners of his eyes crinkle happily when he smiles. He wants to make his mouth drop open in silent gasps of pleasure when they’re fucking. He wants to make him moan, gasp, whimper into his mouth as they both come undone.

He just _wants_.

Maybe this is all wishful thinking, but hope has already started to build inside him, stronger than it ever has before—stronger than with Boa, or even Yunho. All of his past relationships just seem inconsequential now, in comparison to this precious, beautiful thing that he’s sharing with Hyukjae.

So, no. Donghae doesn’t know for sure that Hyukjae’s his someone. But— _damn_ _it_ , he dearly hopes that he is.

 

Soon students pour out of the economics classroom. Donghae and Hyukjae’s own class is about to start in a few minutes, and they’ll have to walk in and set up their presentation medium on the computer. Hyukjae releases a strangled, anxious noise.

Donghae hugs him a bit tighter as he whispers, “hey, it’s alright.”

He gently tilts Hyukjae’s face towards him, then presses their mouths together. In that moment, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone watching; he can only focus on Hyukjae. He slips his tongue into his mouth and kisses him deeply, sweet and slow, as if there was nothing else in the world but the two of them. It takes some time, but soon Hyukjae finally relaxes. He kisses Donghae back and sighs in pleasure.

Donghae then pulls away slightly. Hyukjae’s eyes flutter open, and they’re a bit clearer, brighter, far less anxious—and still as beautiful as ever. They look at each other for a brief moment, between a minute and the next, sharing silent thoughts that they still don’t dare to put into real words.

Leaning in, Hyukjae kisses Donghae again. It’s just a press of lips against lips, but it’s also another quiet ‘ _thank you_ ’, and maybe also something more. Donghae returns it with a soft kiss of his own.

 

And then they finally walk into the classroom, hand in hand. Inside their chests, their hearts sing for each other.

 

*

 

(The presentation and the mini-thesis are a smash, and they get the best grade of all the economics class combined. Donghae doesn’t think that he’s ever seen something more beautiful than the way that Hyukjae’s face lit up in happiness when they heard the news.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is going to be long, you've been warned!
> 
> so i actually started this fic back in may 2018, when i was bored at work and had to pretend that i was really slacking off. it really just started as a vague idea, which i discussed with my besties munia and em, and then as we continued to talk about the idea, the plot just unfolded in my mind and suddenly it was clear, and i just had to write it, you know?
> 
> i got so attached to all of the characters; donghae and hyukjae, but also kyuhyun, siwon, heechul, boa, yunho, just literally everyone. they're all lovely characters, and i really tried to give them as much depth as possible. i wanted to give them a story, make them evolve through the story, really make something slow burn with a lot of character development. instinctively i've given them a lot of my friends' and my own personality traits, for example donghae's procrastination skills and hyukjae's weird thing about political business cycles (i love political economy lmao). some details the plot are also highly based on my personal experience of university and mini-thesis projects. mine didn't actually take almost seven months to finish, but it did take a long time and induced a lot of stress on my partner and i, haha! it's also based on my life in general, like my undying passion for marvel movies (go watch endgame if you still haven't!).
> 
> the timeline of the story is a bit weird, or maybe it's just me and you didn't really feel it, but basically i wanted to make this a christmas/new year fic, but considering how slow burn i made the plot from the beginning , it was just too hard to wrap up everything for new year's even, which is why i decided to develop the plot all the way to end of february and until their mini-thesis's presentation.
> 
> overall it was really a great adventure from start to finish. it's been a long while since i wrote that much, or really anything at all. it was hard at times of course! for some sections i would spend weeks writing and rewriting them, and for others i'd finish them off in one or two days.
> 
> this is where i take the time to really thank my besties: belinda, em and munia. i really wouldn't have been able to finish this story without them, or if i had, i definitely wldn't have finished it this year. belinda was just here to listen to me complain about the plot and the characters, and just things in general; munia has always been ready to read my sections when i finished them and give me her opinion and help me through my blocks; em has been the best beta ever and took the time to read through the whole 50k words that this story somehow became. i really want to thank them very, very much. once again i wldn't have been been able to make it through without you guys, i love you so much! thank you!
> 
> finally, i want to thank you guys who've read this story! thanks so much for reading my story and sticking with me through the years! i know i don't update as often, but life got busy and im working now, so i just got less time to write.
> 
> as i've always said though, i won't abandon any of my fics, i will update and complete all of them eventually. the intern is next on my to-do list, with also beautiful wolf. i have to admit that our crown isn't my top priority though :/ my writing style changed too much from what it is in that fic so im having a hard time getting back into it... i'm also working on a mafia!au that i should post pretty soon! please look forward! :)
> 
> anyways, thank you so so so much again! please remember to upvote and to comment! i love you all and see you on my next story hopefully!


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